Sly Bald Guys Forum
Discussions About Being Bald => Reactions to being Bald => Topic started by: popperkarl on July 22, 2012, 01:24:24 PM
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Hi all,
Hope you're all well. Last week I made the change to sly and I'm absolutely loving it, especially as I was really self-concious about my thinning hair. I'm aged 20 and will soon be doing an internship with my uncle's business; I told my parents via email that I've shaved my head and their response was:
"Let the shaved head grow back over the next few weeks as you'll need to look less criminal-like for working with [uncle]"
Now it's very difficult for anyone's negativity to have any impact on me, I'm a very calm and confident guy, especially since shaving my head. But this comment has really really wound me up, as my parents knew how much my thinning hair was affecting my life they should, of all people, realised the importance of what I've done.
I initially typed a pretty angry response to their email but I've left it and tried to calm down for a bit first, but I'm still really wound up.
How do you deal with comments like this? It's especially wound me up as my one fear about going bald was to do with it affecting my career, and their first comment was exactly this.
Cheers!
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Parents will always see you as "their little boy". You won't look like a criminal unless you dress or act like one.
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This is true. It's all in how people perceive what they see. If you dress appropriately, people will see you for what you are, a business man.
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I was told by my parents before I did it that I would 'look like a criminal' then they saw me and got over it. Like Bear says, they will always see you as their little kid, hair included, but as soon as they realise that shaving has made their son happier, they'll understand.
And if they don't, in the end it's all about you!
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The stupidest comment I've heard came from my mom.
She agrees that I look good bald but the first time she saw me like this and wearing my Harley-Davidson jacket with a pair of Levi's she said I looked like I should have a swastika tattooed on the back of my head. That kinda hurt!
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Thanks for the great words as always, guys.
Hingatao, I can sure relate to that!
To make a more general point about reactions, it seems to me that the people who have the strongest reactions are those who are too scared/lazy/embarrassed/shy/unwilling to make any significant change to their own appearance, so they look negatively upon others doing just what they can't do.
Like I said it's easy to ignore the comments (I usually enjoy hearing them) but it's weird hearing them from your parents. I guess it's a generational thing :P
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That's a bit of a harsh, insensitive statement for a parent to make, I must say. But it is not perhaps directed at you more than the perception of you by your uncle that your parents think he will think. To some parents, their bald son projects the look of a "criminal" or a "skinhead" or even a drug addict. Its difficult to change perception. Other than by positive behavior.
I would tell your mom that this is a choice you have made for your personal image, but that you will do everything in your power to be a decent employee with good values, adhering to the dress code and applying sound work ethics. Re assure her that you won't let her or your uncle down.
Communication and a little gentle self assertion should do the trick.
Good luck!
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I would tell your mom that this is a choice you have made for your personal image, but that you will do everything in your power to be a decent employee with good values, adhering to the dress code and applying sound work ethics. Re assure her that you won't let her or your uncle down.
Communication and a little gentle self assertion should do the trick.
Sage advice sir!
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Yeah, the best thing to do is just ignore the negative comments and move on. The people who know us best will realize that being sly won't/doesn't change who we are or who we might become.
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Preconceived notions of what a bald guy is or isn't like are generally wrong. Nearly every time.
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Parents are usually the worst critics in these situations. If you stick to your guns, they'll get over it. It may take a while, but they will get over it, I promise. Don't give them or anyone else the power to make you do what THEY want you to do as opposed to what YOU want to do.
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Your parents's reaction is exactly the same as my freinds' when their 20 year old son announced he wanted to shave his head just before starting a summer internship last year. He gave in and now regrets it ( he told me so).
A shaved head is common now and is no longer associated with the types your parents think about. Prove them wrong by performing in a stellar fashion in your uncle's business. Almost without exciting, performance trumps appearance!
Good luck!
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Surprisingly, I got the "prisoner/criminal" comment....but it came from my grandfather who was in his 70s and was "stuck in his ways". He had MPB (donut hole), but I think that because he and all but one of his brothers had MPB, and in the old days, he said, that you were taught to "deal with it", he had a hard time liking shaved heads. I told him that hairstyles don't change personalities....In your situation, parents will be parents....just remember this: The poorest man is the one whose pleasures depend upon the permission of others....and once we become men and move out from under our parents' roof....the circle of "others" extends to parents as well. Good Luck with sly and with your new job with your uncle!
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npsbg and sirharry made a really good point, it is their preconceptions of what a shaved head means that cause the issue. think about how a lot of the older generation respond to tattoos, I got the criminal talk from them as well, but I am a teacher and an honest citizen, so just like you will find, people see past their preconceptions if they care at all.
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oh, sweet hell. let others think about themselves. you can not live to please others. you'll never achieve your life target if so.
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Your 20 year old, you are old enough to make your own decisions. Tell them it's who you are and that they should accept you as you are. I had the same issue and eventually they stopped going on as they could see I was happy.
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... I told him that hairstyles don't change personalities...
LOL! Boy does that sound familiar to those of us who grew up in the 1960's! ;D Seems we never learn.
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I'm ever confused about my life, and my damn head. It's not my seeing past it that's the problem, it's other people. It's so confusing to me too. I get stared at, humiliated, joked about- then when I act as if I am really friggin' ugly because of that people wonder what my problem is. It's a lose-lose, and it's enough to drive the most stable person a bit nuts.
Two really important people at the company I work for are bald. I'm tired of pre-conceived notions that just because your damn hair falls out, you have no place in the workforce. If anything, someone who slaves and stresses at the job is bound to lose hair, so I would argue the opposite side. To me it's a sign of intelligence, but that would stretch the stereotype the other direction, wouldn't it?
Can't people just be f****** people? I mean, I don't make fun of people who have one limb, are blind, in wheelchairs, or have health problems. You know the dumbest thing I read on here so far is someone that asked if they were allowed to live in a certain apartment complex because they had no hair. It's HAIR. If you LET PEOPLE CONTROL YOU, THEY WILL. And even me, not wanting to be controlled- I get controlled. Too many people need to f*** off, I'm sorry.
Just because my hair fell out doesn't render me sad. It's other miserable people that make me sad. I am not sad to begin with, but now angry- at most people. Anybody that says some stupid discriminatory BS stigma does not exist out there is lying to themself and others on this site. I just get so sick and tired of being run. Swear to God if I had it back I would be BBC, and then just because I had a shadow people would give me slight respect instead of looking down on me because my body decided to rid itself of the hair on top of my head.
I'm allowed to like whatever type of music I want. I'm allowed to drive whatever I want. I'm allowed to take up whatever profession I want and be better than people at it. I'm allowed to watch what I want. I'm allowed to think things are pretty or ugly. I'm allowed to not be ugly, feel ugly, feel inferior. I'm a F****** PERSON.
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That’s the Spirit VSG.
I have read about “toxic” parents and learned myself how the comments of parents can adversely affect their children. Comments by parents about appearance or intellect can make or break a child. As a parent myself, I must constantly guard my words when it comes to commenting on their looks.
“Sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will definitely hurt, destroy, even kill you.”
It is only people like you and I who can change the wrong viewpoints of others about such a simple thing – shaving your head bald! Sometimes I want to shake people by their collars and tell them that it is only “hair” for heaven’s sake!
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I have just one parent(my mom )since my dad died from brain stroke back in 2004 and i am child from divorced parents for me she is more than supportive -your parents will love no matter what i am more then sure- i wish I wasn't such a good child 'couse life isn't kind it is more like place where you must stand by your self and your decisions and learn on other peoples mistakes believe me it is easier ....p.s. administrator thanks for spell checker O0
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On the topic of comments by parents, I sometimes watch in horror at the comments directed at children.
Words like, “Hey, don’t be so stupid”, or “Use your brain not your arse hole”, or regarding girlfriends, “You can do much better than that”, are so destructive for budding children. I can only imagine how hurt a youngster may feel if he is suffering from hair loss and a parent tells him that his shaven head looks ugly or criminal or like a “druggy.”
Parents must learn to choose their words very carefully as they have far reaching affects.
@Wonderer, I think everyone should learn to do a spell check before posting, us baldies don’t want to look like we cannot spell...
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Waine -who is bald ??? ....me ...no man it is just my hair is now growing from inside to fill the place where my brain used to be :*))
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LOL wonderer... ;D
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Parents must learn to choose their words very carefully as they have far reaching affects.
Sadly, these same parents have no idea what they are doing to their children, who are destined to repeat the behaviors unless they become enlightened about human development.
Tragically, it's unlikely they will find that in video games or on FaceBook where they now spend most of their social interaction time.
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Tragically, it's unlikely they will find that in video games or on FaceBook where they now spend most of their social interaction time.
I completely concur, it's almost as if people refuse to life their actual lives anymore.