Sly Bald Guys Forum
Discussions About Being Bald => Reactions to being Bald => Topic started by: SCjay on January 29, 2012, 12:53:34 PM
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Most people dont really say much at all about my hair(or lack of). But the other night I was at this party and got a few reactions. 2 people asked if I was in the military, which Im thinking now I just need to say yea because Ive been asked that a lot. And when I tell them no they kinda have this look like "why does he shave his head then?" Anyways got another reaction that I didnt like too much. When girls get drunk they like to snatch hats off of guys' heads. Well this one girl snatches mine off and starts wearing it, and I just try to act normal and not too self conscious, even though I was really self conscious. Then the girl beside her takes it off her head and puts it back on mine and I heard her say, "he needs it more." Well then the girl who initially took my hat starts talking to the dude beside her saying "bald is NOT attractive" and things like that. I started fuming on the inside about to go off on this girl and call her stuff but then all of a sudden I just stopped caring. I just walked up to her and said "youre a damn hater" and she goes "well Im just saying.." and then I responded with "I honestly dont give a fvck!" And thats when she said something along the lines of "well if you dont care then thats good" or something like that.
I dont really know what to think. That night it didnt really bother me but when I woke up it started to a little more. I started thinking about how I hate going home from college because almost everyone from home pictures me with hair. I also kept thinking about girls I used to talk to when I had hair dont seem to like me as much without it. <---mostly one girl but in general it seems like girls dont really dig the baldness. I remember someone was trying to tell me how college would be the best place to be bald because there are so many people open to everything, but that is dead wrong. College is the WORST place. 99.9% of the guys I see have a full head of hair. When youre bald in this setting you stick out, and I dont think I have the personality to be the one sticking out, Ive always been a little quiet and reserved.
I understand that no matter how I act, there will be some girls who just will not under any circumstance find baldness attractive. Thats not hard to accept, my problem is that I need to find myself attractive before ANY girl will. Thats what Im struggling with.
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Dude... the whole situation could have been avoided by not wearing a hat to the party. Ditch the hats!!
Stand tall and proud of who you are and don't even think about your shaved head. It has nothing to do with who you are or what you believe in as a man.
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When girls get drunk they like to snatch hats off of guys' heads.
When they get drunk they prove beyond all doubt that they're not ladies! :x! Play with them, enjoy that sort, but don't get dirty. You will find the lady of your dreams, and Mikekoz13 is right, start by ditching the hat--shave clean and smooth. The ladies, not the drunk women, will notice.
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Have to admit I would find it very difficult not to get down in the gutter and roll with their tacky behavior...something along the lines of "It's simple for me to grow my hair back if I want to...not that easy to get rid of an a$$ that big though..."
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well, she was drunk.
maybe she hates to shave, imagine that. what a bush.
just be yourself! Trying to hide it will make you not be in your best days! On the other hand, showing off and being proud of it will make your day!
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You really care what a drunk chick thinks? Really?
And yes, ditch the hat. Wearing a hat indoors projects "loser!" louder than any T-shirt emblazoned with the words.
It's all in your attitude, dude. Wearing a hat to hide your head sends all the wrong signals.
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Dude... the whole situation could have been avoided by not wearing a hat to the party. Ditch the hats!!
Stand tall and proud of who you are and don't even think about your shaved head. It has nothing to do with who you are or what you believe in as a man.
What he said. ^^32
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Thats not hard to accept, my problem is that I need to find myself attractive before ANY girl will. Thats what Im struggling with.
That, right there, is the core of the problem. Because once you start to like yourself it truly doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
This is gonna sound odd but work on not taking this kind of stuff personal. It sounds trickier than it really is, honest. This girl was looking to mess with someone and get in their head and you happened to be sitting in the chair she picked. If someone else had been sitting in that seat she would have picked them, in all probability.
I'm working on a process wherein the drunk realizes that they did not get my goat. I smile, make a self-effacing comment and walk away. Going down to some drunk's level in a confrontation can get to be a habit, not one I want to get into. There's always time to get defensive when someone walks up and lays hands on you. In the meantime try to laugh stuff like this off.
Lose the hat.
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You know what? Live by this motto: f**k'em. If the chick is do shallow that baldness disturbs her, then he is missing out.
Stand tall, don't wear hats to cover your melon - embrace it. Remember that there are a LOT of badasses out there that are sly.
Ask her if she likes to fight her boyfriend for the sissy hair products. You're a man, and fucking awesome looking without all that sissy hair!
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I suppose it is indeed better not to take such scenes seriously.
Drunk people might say things that they don't really mean, and the day after, they would probably prefer not to even remember how they behaved.
Try to forgive her.
Men and women both can act like complete idiots when they drink more than the safe amount... I suppose most of us have experiences about scenes we would prefer not to remember.
Furthermore, I would not like to repeat the guys' thoughts, but I completely agree with JasonSandeman, Razor X and TheSlyBear.
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I am getting better. On Tuesdays I have a restaurant class where I cant wear a hat and it feels great to not wear one because everyone is used to me being bald. So I dont think about it at all. Today I went out grocery shopping and chose not to wear a hat. \
I understand I need to ditch the hat but I actually look good in a hat and wore them all the time when I went out even when I had hair. Im waiting until after spring break in a little over a month to start going out without the hat. I believe that a really good tan on my head will make it look A LOT better.
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But like I said in the OP, what the girl actually said didnt bother me, its just the next morning when I remembered what she said it kinda started a snowball effect and everything from then on that I thought about it what bothered me.
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but I actually look good in a hat
Wearing a hat for fashion or protection is no problem. Wearing one to hide under is the issue. When you do so, you project that attitude without even knowing it.
I believe that a really good tan on my head will make it look A LOT better.
Don't overdo the sun exposure. See saint's skin cancer topic.
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Hey Jay!
The guys here (and Ravenangel, too!) are telling you like it is. I just want to add my support to what they have already given you. Just be yourself. Don't lower yourself to respond in kind to others when they are rude.
Enjoy the bald dome. You are going to love the spring and summer. Nothing like a cool breeze on the bald head on a warm day!
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You have to remember that wearing the hats from others point of view will automatically send them a signal or they will assume, that you dont want to be seen with your shaved head, even though it is attractive. I see that a lot here where I think a bald guy is good looking and you can tell he shaves his head ( or is mostly bald) but wears the hat. Even I assume he must be afraid to let us see his bald head. Which sends a signal to me that he is insecure and therefore somehow flawed in his own eyes, not a good signal to send.
Try to go 5 days without the hat. WHen interacting with older people outside of college I bet there are many with shaved heads. Older girls out of college will have more life experience and know baldness is natural in most men. Maybe try to hang with older girls.
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You have to remember that wearing the hats from others point of view will automatically send them a signal or they will assume, that you dont want to be seen with your shaved head, even though it is attractive. I see that a lot here where I think a bald guy is good looking and you can tell he shaves his head ( or is mostly bald) but wears the hat. Even I assume he must be afraid to let us see his bald head. Which sends a signal to me that he is insecure and therefore somehow flawed in his own eyes, not a good signal to send.
Try to go 5 days without the hat. WHen interacting with older people outside of college I bet there are many with shaved heads. Older girls out of college will have more life experience and know baldness is natural in most men. Maybe try to hang with older girls.
Yea I can understand that about the hat. But sometimes I really do HAVE to wear the hat. I dont mind people seeing me bald, but I will NOT let them see me when my hair grows out a couple of days. I shave on Tues, Thurs, and Sat so by Monday Im not looking near as fresh so Ill wear it.
And Ive thought about what older women would think, about how it would be easier to talk with them because they have seen bald a lot more than a college girl has. But older girls arent really my thing right now, I know one who is about 2 years older than me that I talk to but we have 2 completely different lifestyles. She has already graduated and paying bills, so she's living the adult life while Im still living the college one. Maybe after I graduate in December Ill have a different feeling about it.
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In the early morning hours of New Year's Day myself and a buddy who is BBC went to a party. We ran into an obnoxious couple who may have been drunk
Man: Well, look at the melonheads, heads so clean I can see what you're thinking (he then tried to rub our heads but he missed)
Me: Thanks, I guess
Woman: Bald heads suck....The two of you put together makes for an ugly A$$
My buddy: We'll ma'am...better to look like an a$$ than to talk and act like one!
Crowd: Hilarious laughter Me: KMSL, LMAO, ROTFL , etc.
Couple leaves party pi$$ed off (surprisingly no fight breaks out)
Keep your head up and let your light shine! (no pun intended)
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Hey there
There are some great tips on here. The woman sounds like a real ass to be going about saying things like that in public and so freely. At least you found out her true colours before you got to know her further.
I can also relate to the hat wearing. I was heavy diffuse thinning and wore hats all the time it was almost like a prison sentence and people will be wondering why is he wearing a hat, what's underneath that etc. The torture as well, I remember I used to share a room with 4 other people and I'd even take the cap into the bathroom to put it on straight after the shower.I can see why, it's a blanket. Your hairloss disapears with a hat on and I wore them for years, still occasionaly do now too.
You need to be confident in yourself too. I was very shy when I had no hairloss and turned dates down because I was affraid of women, I regret it a bit and I was probarly a bit insecure/shy/immature - all of these. After some soul-searching (read forums, books, find out about yourself) I have been working on confidence and public speaking and becoming more outgoing and engaging.
And right now, I've never had as much interest from women even though I look older and worse than I did at 18. I'm just a lot more self-assured, and try my best to be the best I can be and make people feel good .
I'm no lothario or anything but one day, and I was constantly when younger nervous around women and thinking 'She'll never like me', 'I'm not handsdome enough' I started to read more and open my own mind up and thought to myself 'I am a great guy. I care for my friends and family. I show interest in people' and if a woman doesn't like me or judges me on my looks, then she's not worth knowing. I read a few books too. There are plenty on the net/forums, but you need to gain self-confidence first and once you build this up, YOU WILL get dates and women will be very interested in getting to know you.
If you are shy around women, I started with just talking to a new person every day. If it's the store clerk, postman, bar tender, bus driver, whoever it is - many of these places will greet you with a ''How are you today?'' and I'll reply about my day and ask them about there's or some mundane chat, and so many of them are shocked as they are used to people replying with short answers.
Take care of yourself and ignore the haters. Haters gonna hate. As stupid as that is, it's very true. They are many nice people out there and many people will find your bald dome attractive and many people will find your personality attractive too.
Stay positive and all the best.
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many years ago in college i kept my hair very closely cropped. My nickname became cue ball. I enjoyed that. I was noticed - a reason for having little hair. Better tack is to joke that you are glad you like my hair style. As others have said don't try to hide by wearing a hat. It is you - be proud that you are you.
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Hey there
There are some great tips on here. The woman sounds like a real ass to be going about saying things like that in public and so freely. At least you found out her true colours before you got to know her further.
I can also relate to the hat wearing. I was heavy diffuse thinning and wore hats all the time it was almost like a prison sentence and people will be wondering why is he wearing a hat, what's underneath that etc. The torture as well, I remember I used to share a room with 4 other people and I'd even take the cap into the bathroom to put it on straight after the shower.I can see why, it's a blanket. Your hairloss disapears with a hat on and I wore them for years, still occasionaly do now too.
You need to be confident in yourself too. I was very shy when I had no hairloss and turned dates down because I was affraid of women, I regret it a bit and I was probarly a bit insecure/shy/immature - all of these. After some soul-searching (read forums, books, find out about yourself) I have been working on confidence and public speaking and becoming more outgoing and engaging.
And right now, I've never had as much interest from women even though I look older and worse than I did at 18. I'm just a lot more self-assured, and try my best to be the best I can be and make people feel good .
I'm no lothario or anything but one day, and I was constantly when younger nervous around women and thinking 'She'll never like me', 'I'm not handsdome enough' I started to read more and open my own mind up and thought to myself 'I am a great guy. I care for my friends and family. I show interest in people' and if a woman doesn't like me or judges me on my looks, then she's not worth knowing. I read a few books too. There are plenty on the net/forums, but you need to gain self-confidence first and once you build this up, YOU WILL get dates and women will be very interested in getting to know you.
If you are shy around women, I started with just talking to a new person every day. If it's the store clerk, postman, bar tender, bus driver, whoever it is - many of these places will greet you with a ''How are you today?'' and I'll reply about my day and ask them about there's or some mundane chat, and so many of them are shocked as they are used to people replying with short answers.
Take care of yourself and ignore the haters. Haters gonna hate. As stupid as that is, it's very true. They are many nice people out there and many people will find your bald dome attractive and many people will find your personality attractive too.
Stay positive and all the best.
Wow, our stories are closely related. I too, used to take the hat in the bathroom, get out the shower, then put it back on before I left the bathroom. But I stopped wearing it around the house and around my close friends and eventually they got used to it and it made me more comfortable not wearing one.
I too, when I had all my hair, was shy around girls. Then I started reading things and through trial and error became more knowledgeable about women and became more confident in myself. But it seems like the more confidence I gained the more hair I lost. And now Im having to find a new confidence with the bald head.
And haters gonna hate is the theme I live by. There are times when I just get fed up always wearing the hat and Ill go out bald just thinking f**k it, if they dont like it then f**k them. And thats usually when a friend or 2 who havent seen the bald head actually see it and I get through that awkward first time and everytime after that its just what theyre used to.
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We do sound similar from your story too. I agree though with the hat, it can be such a security blanket especially if you are young and see people around you with perfect hair. I'm now 29 and started losing hair at 21, and apart from 1 other guy, out of my soccer team (we were all the same age) no one else had noticeable hairloss.
So much with attracting women is about confidence and self-assurance. Like I said before, I'm no Romeo or player but I've noticed that since I stopped hiding behind hats, concealers, side sweeps and grew more confident, I am getting more interest in the opposite sex and people like that the girl at the party, will be compeltly blanked from your mind.
All the best and remember to stay happy.
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it is easy for us to say to not let it bother you. However in the end it does. By the sounds of iot the party you were at was not too mature if they play games like snatching hats. Try to hang around a more mature crwd and you will avoid these kinds of situations.
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Try to hang around a more mature crwd and you will avoid these kinds of situations.
Quoted for truth.
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I just turned 25, and still have a lot of hair, but besides the point. The one thing I've noticed in the over two years since I've been out of school is the amount I have matured and the people around me have. It is actually impossible to talk to college girls anymore because they seem so young, inexperienced, immature, and dumb. The people I work with and meet at bars would not care at all about hairloss, but that is something that comes with maturity. So losing my hair is by no means fun, but a fact of life. I live in a major city where there are bald guys everywhere (at work, in the bars, at the gym, everywhere), and some are younger than me. It would be mucher hard going through this process 2 years ago, but being around a more mature crowd definitely makes it easier. It was a major turning point in my life (hyperbole, but true) when a girl's physical appearance was no longer the main thing that I was going after. Personality is such a bigger turn-on. My point is that maturity is the key, and you will realize as you mature that physical appearance isn't everything. But that mindset comes with time, just imagine what you will know tomorrow. Keep your head up, physically and mentally.
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Well said WillN :)
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A few things to take note of.
1. You care too much. Who cares what some idiot drunk girl says? Odds are she's insecure as hell and sits in front of a mirror at least an hour a day telling herself she's pretty. You can't fake not caring either, it needs to be genuine.
2. Ditch the hats. Screams insecure/not confident. Only wear them in the winter or on really sunny days, etc...
3. You have to embrace it. Yeah, you're gonna stick out a bit in college. That can be a benefit or a negative, and the funny thing is that depends entirely on you.
Basically, you need to be able to handle shrugging off someone making fun of you for being bald. Once you're at that point, nothing can really hurt you, and you learn to leave the assholes in the dust.
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it is all about you, and how you feel about your head. Once you become comfortable with it it's actually great when someone insults you because it gives you the opportunity to make some hilarious joke about using your shiny dome to blind your enemies, or get a job as a torpedo.
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Reading this again i would suggest to anyone who gets this slander , have the attitude that at least they areleaving someone else alone and be man enought to be magnaminous
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Most people dont really say much at all about my hair(or lack of). But the other night I was at this party and got a few reactions. 2 people asked if I was in the military, which Im thinking now I just need to say yea because Ive been asked that a lot. And when I tell them no they kinda have this look like "why does he shave his head then?" Anyways got another reaction that I didnt like too much. When girls get drunk they like to snatch hats off of guys' heads. Well this one girl snatches mine off and starts wearing it, and I just try to act normal and not too self conscious, even though I was really self conscious. Then the girl beside her takes it off her head and puts it back on mine and I heard her say, "he needs it more." Well then the girl who initially took my hat starts talking to the dude beside her saying "bald is NOT attractive" and things like that. I started fuming on the inside about to go off on this girl and call her stuff but then all of a sudden I just stopped caring. I just walked up to her and said "youre a damn hater" and she goes "well Im just saying.." and then I responded with "I honestly dont give a fvck!" And thats when she said something along the lines of "well if you dont care then thats good" or something like that.
Dude, why would you want to hang out with idiots like that in the first place? I think you reacted pretty well though. I probably would've said something like "Well, the good thing for me is I can stop being bald if I wanted to. You can't stop being a b*tch though", and just walked away.
Also, I think you're spot on when you say you need to find yourself attractive before any girl will. Those chicks most likely busted on you not because you're bald, but because you were wearing a hat trying to hide it and they picked up on your insecurity.
Sounds like you just ended up at a bad party with a bunch of morons. I've been shaving my head for several months now and no one says anything, at work, among friends or anywhere else.
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In the early morning hours of New Year's Day myself and a buddy who is BBC went to a party. We ran into an obnoxious couple who may have been drunk
Man: Well, look at the melonheads, heads so clean I can see what you're thinking (he then tried to rub our heads but he missed)
Me: Thanks, I guess
Woman: Bald heads suck....The two of you put together makes for an ugly A$$
My buddy: We'll ma'am...better to look like an a$$ than to talk and act like one!
Crowd: Hilarious laughter Me: KMSL, LMAO, ROTFL , etc.
Couple leaves party pi$$ed off (surprisingly no fight breaks out)
Keep your head up and let your light shine! (no pun intended)
I love this. I wish this is the kind of confidence and ora I had. White guys are treated differently- because of their skin tone when they are bald. Ironic, isn't it?
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I love this. I wish this is the kind of confidence and ora I had. White guys are treated differently- because of their skin tone when they are bald. Ironic, isn't it?
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Big problem with the world today...we always want to associate styles/things with race....I think if a guy is losing his hair and wants to shave his head why should he be treated differently...I see what you're saying though. It's no big deal for an African-American man, but it becomes a big topic/issue for a Caucasian man...and it's sad..
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My advice would be:
Be confident in how you look/your appearance.
If you are not, then try to make some adjustments that will make you feel more confident in your apperance.
I'd say "balding/thinning" hair is not great looking for most people (me included), unless your name is Jason Statham.
Be comfortable with your fashion, and your body. If not, then you can always improve these areas by working out, and getting a new wardrobe.
There's nothing wrong with cool hats, since they can sometimes look really, really cool.
All the above are outer things you can "change".
But you must realize, that a lot of people are seeking validation and trying to make "people" or girls like them.
I'm not advocating you should be an "a$$hole", but you should definetly care less about what some drunk, random, and rude girls say or do.
Do whatever you want!!
If you feel like telling them to "f*ck off", then do that.
If you feel like laughing at them, do that..
If you feel like going up to them, and telling them "WTF do you think are doing?" - do that by all means.
If you feel like ignoring them, do it..
It's your life, and your rules... And you shouldn't accept behavior that's disrespetful.
Otherwise people will walk all over you, unless you stand up for yourself.
You are playing in your own league, not others... (Especially not some rude girls with low self-esteem)
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Havent posted in a while but Im getting better with everything. Been going to the pool/river every now and then and have little problem with the bald look in that setting. Especially since the people I go with are used to the dome.
Basically Ive decided that I need to see a new me in the mirror in order to gain some confidence. Ive finally started getting some facial hair growing in, enough to where I can grow some what of a goatee. A couple of weekends ago I actually had about 4-5 girls comment on how they liked my scruff. Started working out seriously about a week ago, so here soon I should be able to really see a difference. Also got some jergens natural glow a while back but been really lazy/inconsistent with it, but this time Im gonna stick with it. I dont have class since its summer break so I have time to do all this stuff. I have exactly one week before I start work where I wont be able to wear a hat, so Im nervous/excited about that. Hopefully the dome will be a little darker by then.
This recent self improvement rush Ive gotten is mostly because of a girl. At least she kick started it, Im doing it for myself now. Earlier in the thread I mentioned being in a restaurant class where I couldnt wear a hat, so I roamed around during this class with the dome showing and not caring about it, just being myself. Well this girl was in the class, and we had a fun night about a week and a half ago. We were out at the bars, came back to my place and made out for a while. The reason it ignited me to start improving myself is that she is really pretty but awesome to be around as well, and she knows Im bald and has been around me plenty of times bald. So I dont have that insecure voice in the back of my head saying "she might not like you bald". But pretty much I have to be as confident as possible because as pretty as she is she has to have other options, so a non confident, insecure me has 0 chance with her.
Any getting girls tips are welcome as well! lol
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Also another thing I did to ease into the baldness was wearing a visor instead of a hat sometimes. I know its just a short term solution but it helps. Im still insecure about the whole baldness thing, so say if Im out(wearing a hat) and chatting it up pretty well with a girl, eventually the thoughts of "she might not like me bald" creep in my mind and it stays in there. So if she happens to see me bald, those thoughts are still in there and it works like a self fulfilling prophecy. With the visor, it gives me the comfort/style of a hat, and also the reassurance that she knows Im bald, so there wont be any shock later on.
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Good for you SCJay..baby steps...You will do just fine, we are all here to support you.
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you need to embrace your baldness when out in public but a hat is cool for protection not for hiding
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Lots of good advice from the other posters here, but one other thing to think about is where this crazy rude chick that said this stuff to you is coming from. What I mean is, she's obviously not happy herself. If she was, she wouldn't be saying rude things to you. That's just an outward projection of her own feelings about herself. Have you ever met a happy, mature adult who went around saying $hitty things about other people? Exactly. They don't do it. You could have gone on and insulted her appearance in retaliation, but that would have just exposed your own insecurity. I think you did a good job reacting the way you did, but telling her "I don't give a Fvck" pretty much lets her know you give a fvck...
Everyone who posted before is right. If the hat is keeping you from being fully secure in your appearance, then ditch it. Don't hide.
Also, about attracting girls. Two things ALL women find attractive are confidence and a good sense of humor. If you are a confident man and can make a girl laugh you're well on your way to getting any girl you want. If you want to read some more about this I would recommend reading "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Lots of good info in there about attracting the opposite sex. The author is a bald man himself and one of the most well recognized "pickup artists" out there.
Good luck with everything.