Really Can't Fight It Anymore...

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Really Can't Fight It Anymore... by TheBaldAndBeautiful on 29 Dec, 2009 22:25
Somethings in life you can't change. This infact is what I cannot change. Ever since I've shaved, I didn't feel as confident as I should. So, I modified myself. I think shaving actually made me look after myself more than in the past when I use to have some weight problems during my high school years. Plus, the not smiling part which I've improved on quite well since my last post. The reasons why I haven't smiled for some years is because of the past people have said to me. I don't know if it's jealousy, or what, but I was constantly picked on daily.

The being picked-on daily and other things contributed to my low-self esteem. Even when some people talked to me about how tall and handsome you are, you don't feel like it. So, that's why sometimes I don't want to smile sometimes. It sucks when you think about it, but it's just there. Now, I can't really go back to where I use to be. I even have thoughts of the hair miraclly growing back, but it doesn't.

Now, I see it as a sheding process of my old self. The worries of straightening up the hair which I hated are gone. Cutting it every week, or having to go to the barber are gone. MPB in my view has given me a second chance to be a new person. I don't view hair as the foundation of a man anymore, but just what it is: hair.

Even if my hair grew back tomorrow, people will still try to find an error to destroy your confidence. It's a sick, twisted view, but that's what it is.
#1 by Sgt. Pate on 30 Dec, 2009 00:50
If you or I look for our self worth based on what others think of us we will never be worth much of anything!

Our value as individuals comes from who we are, not what we look like and not even what we say unless what we say is backed up by our actions.

The only thing that stops us from becoming valuable individuals is our choice not to be, to succumb to only being what we think others think of us.

So, what's it gonna be?

Be honest with yourself and others... erase those negative tapes you've been playing in your head, you know the ones. Embrace change, overcome and persevere!
#2 by SultanofSwing86 on 30 Dec, 2009 01:59
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Now, I see it as a sheding process of my old self. The worries of straightening up the hair which I hated are gone. Cutting it every week, or having to go to the barber are gone. MPB in my view has given me a second chance to be a new person.

For a couple of years prior to shaving I had allowed my self esteem to hit rock bottom, probably a combination of the MPB, other things going on in my life and just general low confidence in myself as a person. I think the shaving is an opportunity to improve yourself. But like anything it takes time. Dropping all of those negative thoughts and behaviours from the past is a very long and difficult process. Just stick with it and try to slowly aim at improving things. Don't blame yourself if things aren't working out the way you wanted them to, just take it is an experience that you can learn from and improve upon for next time.
#3 by TheBaldAndBeautiful on 30 Dec, 2009 05:08
Quote from: SultanofSwing86 on 30 Dec, 2009 01:59
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Now, I see it as a sheding process of my old self. The worries of straightening up the hair which I hated are gone. Cutting it every week, or having to go to the barber are gone. MPB in my view has given me a second chance to be a new person.

For a couple of years prior to shaving I had allowed my self esteem to hit rock bottom, probably a combination of the MPB, other things going on in my life and just general low confidence in myself as a person. I think the shaving is an opportunity to improve yourself. But like anything it takes time. Dropping all of those negative thoughts and behaviours from the past is a very long and difficult process. Just stick with it and try to slowly aim at improving things. Don't blame yourself if things aren't working out the way you wanted them to, just take it is an experience that you can learn from and improve upon for next time.

Man, do people realize what they say do hurt people overtime? After the car-crash in 94 that gave me a scar near my hair-line which isn't that visible anymore, people just started picking on me about it. They'd call me retarded and other things I can't say on the forum, because I don't want to break the rules. I know my mother told me that I should ignore it, but I did. This kind of stuff contributed to some of my anger issues, and looking mean all the time. I feel that I shouldn't smile, because it's not worth it. Noone isn't going to accept me anyway.

My mother and everyone should say I should have women in, or talk to women in the church I go to, but the fact is those women are all grown-up and knew me my whole life. It'd be stupid to go up to them. I was just beginning of being more confident in myself when I turned 19. Then the hair started thinning and went down-hill from there. I don't even think it's a hair issue anymore. So many things.

You say I shouldn't worry about what people say and move on. I swear I get so angry sometimes, that if I see these same guys that did what they did in high-school, I'd kick their asses for what mental trauma they've caused. I know I'll probably go to jail for it, but that's just what's in my mind. One of the things that I don't really share is that I use to and still off & on have a learning disability. I was also sent in a special education class oriented atmosphere when I was 7 till my 9th grade. Some of those kids I knew in the regular setting wasn't grateful enough to have a good education like that. I was 10x better than they'll ever be, but the teachers didn't believe in me, nor listen. Sometimes the teachers use to sit on us in 2nd grade. They'd take us to a corner if we got out of control and sit on us ( Yes, literally SIT ON US! WHAT THE f**k IS THAT? ). I never told my mother, or anyone else. That's when they put me in a more normal area of learning.

That's why I want to go back to school to learn more skills, so I can put it in their faces and prove to them that I wasn't as they perceived me to be. When I'm serious, people say you're too serious, but when you want to have fun and live life, people say you're being too careless, or don't take life for granted. I don't give a fk what people say anymore and I don't care either. I just want to be happy, that's all. Even have bad dreams about the past. It was hell to say the least.

#4 by SultanofSwing86 on 30 Dec, 2009 06:42
Hey come on don't talk like this. Life ain't so smooth a journey by the sounds of it. But it's your life and your journey, you can only make out of it what you can. Focus on the positive things in your life, rather than the negative. You said above hair is only hair, it's suprising how much of a non-issue it is for everyone but ourselves. People tend not to end up percieving you as a person based on your hair. People say cruel things while you are growing up and normally because they are immature and insecure in themselves. Just focus on the things you gotta do, doesn't really matter if people accept you or not, only person who needs to accept you is you. Your reality your world, you will never please everybody. Doesn't matter if you have a learning disability or no hair, doesn't mean you can achieve worthwhile things.
#5 by TheBaldAndBeautiful on 30 Dec, 2009 20:19
You're right. Tonight, I looked at some pictures of when I was younger until now. Really wasn't the hair, but how I smiled. I smiled a lot in those pictures and I never knew I looked great smiling. With, or without the hair. Can't believe I've gone through such a experience with hairloss as well. Seen one of the pictures of my dad at around my age, and he doesn't have any hair in the front though, but still somehow wears it, lol. Also, It's been the first night I saw my grandfather's picture of him in the coffin. I avoided his funeral, and everything else ever since he died two years ago. Now, I feel much better. More relieved. Never took the thought of the sly-look and how it suits me well, better than that garden growing off my head.

Thanks for taking the time to care. I really appreciate it. Also, thanks for not judging me on my academic level as well.
#6 by Sgt. Pate on 30 Dec, 2009 21:08
Well TheBaldAndBeautiful,

I sense you're well on you way to showing everyone that you can not only overcome their attempts to keep you down but be very successful both professionally and personally! I admire you for your determination and resolve.

Hang in there bro and when you smile, may it be a smile that says "I know who I am and I'm proud"!
#7 by SultanofSwing86 on 31 Dec, 2009 00:46
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Well TheBaldAndBeautiful,

I sense you're well on you way to showing everyone that you can not only overcome their attempts to keep you down but be very successful both professionally and personally! I admire you for your determination and resolve.

Hang in there bro and when you smile, may it be a smile that says "I know who I am and I'm proud"!

I second that, congrats, hopefully 2010 can bring really great things for you.....