Something Different (Lurker requesting objectivity)

[penmouse192]

I stumbled onto this forum about five years ago (edit: a while ago). I was 19 at the time, and my barber had kindly pointed out to me that he had seen some thinning in my crown. This, I think, was probably one of the worst days of my life (even worse than when I was diagnosed with a pretty horrible disease). My father, a NW6, was always in the back of my mind, but like all those with alopecia in the genes, I think there was a part of me that hoped I could escape the curse. I remember rushing to the computer after that haircut, frantically searching out information on the internet. Could I be helped? Surely there were treatments available (after all this was the 21st century).

Anyway, I scheduled an appointment with my dermatologist, which was incredibly embarrassing for me. He put me on Finasteride and sent me away. This was just before my Sophomore year in college. Of course, at the time my hair was in great shape, and there was no trace of any loss. I did my best to enjoy school and not worry about losing my hair. I decided to live it up while I could, dating a plethora of girls and generally enjoying myself. I was certainly depressed about the whole ordeal, but hoped that Propecia could save me. There were times when I completely forgot the situation, and other times when I would be very worried about the state of things. I'm sure you can all remember this period. It's not much fun living with the looming threat of an expiration date on your head.

I'm now 24 and it's five years since that haircut. I recently graduated college, and things have gotten a bit worse. I'm somewhat diffuse up top (but have retained my hairline pretty well). I suspect that upon close scrutinization in the right king of light, it is noticeable. I realize that my hair is dying a slow death, and without the meds I'd be in bad shape at this point. I've never told anyone about my problem, not even my closet friends. I'm a confident person, but as an artist/designer I'm somewhat hypersensitive when it comes to aesthetics (not vain, though). I'm not the type of guy that can brush something like this off very easily. That's just who I am and it won't change.

In the past three or four months I have become pretty upset about the situation. I had planned on moving to a big city to take a job, but my confidence has been shattered and I'm just not feeling up to it at this point. I don't see this trend improving at the current rate. I realize how ridiculous this might seem, but I'm sure there are a few of you who have taken this just as hard (I've read a few posts and I can commiserate). I do very well with girls, surprisingly, but I'm afraid that visually this might be a dealbreaker that would send me into a prolonged retirement save a miraculous cure for mbp.

So,
I spent a few hours recently going through some pictures of myself and mocking up before and after shots with my head shaved (which, by the way was surprisingly cathartic). Being a designer has benefited me greatly in this way. I've never buzzed my head before. I think I have subconsciously feared doing so because I'm short and have a big nose; which I used to be very self-conscious about as a youngster. I casually mentioned to my my mom that I was thinking about shaving my head and she vehemently replied that it would look horrible. I really don't think I'm ready to completely go sly, but I was considering going pretty short. I'm not sure if I can live with the thinning hair, because it's eating me up. However, I'm not sure how I will look. I would really appreciate you guys giving me some feedback on the attached photo composite. I just can't be objective looking at myself. I really want your honest, objective opinions as I know you are all really kind and always tell people how great that will look sly (ha). What do you think (glasses?, facial hair?, short buzz?, sly?, don't do it?). I realize I look best with longer hair, but that's a pain to pull off (really unfortunate) at this point given the constant worrying about wind, etc. I know I sound like a p*ssy, but this is pretty hard for me, especially going public. I'm not going to leave this picture up forever, but I wanted to give you at least a nice assortment to base your judgements from, as pictures can deceive.

Thanks.

PM


   

[Mikekoz13]

Welcome to the Forum PM!

Look.... a lot of guys think they will look bad when shaved.... and then are really very pleasantly surprised at how great they look AND feel after shaving.
Why spend any more of your valuable life stressing over hair when you can be done with it?

Nearly every guy on here can tell you how much many, many women love shaved heads. My wife loves it.

My advice to you... cut it shorter and shorter... a liitle each week until you get it down to nothing and then shave it. Keep it shaved for 30 days to get yourself and those in your life used to your new look.

Short with a big nose...... Dude... look at my avatar. Not exactly the handsomest guy in town. But I'm confident and love my life. Look at my beautiful Family.
When the kids act up i tell them I'm growing my hair back and they scream "No Daddy!".

Give it a shot man.... and PM me for advice if you like or just to chat it up.

Peace-

   Mike

[penmouse192]

Thanks Mikekoz. It sucks being so sensitive to my surroundings. I just wish I had buzzed my head as a kid or something.

[imb]

So,
I spent a few hours recently going through some pictures of myself and mocking up before and after shots with my head shaved (which, by the way was surprisingly cathartic). Being a designer has benefited me greatly in this way. I've never buzzed my head before. I think I have subconsciously feared doing so because I'm short and have a big nose; which I used to be very self-conscious about as a youngster. I casually mentioned to my my mom that I was thinking about shaving my head and she vehemently replied that it would look horrible. I really don't think I'm ready to completely go sly, but I was considering going pretty short. I'm not sure if I can live with the thinning hair, because it's eating me up. However, I'm not sure how I will look. I would really appreciate you guys giving me some feedback on the attached photo composite. I just can't be objective looking at myself. I really want your honest, objective opinions as I know you are all really kind and always tell people how great that will look sly (ha). What do you think (glasses?, facial hair?, short buzz?, sly?, don't do it?). I realize I look best with longer hair, but that's a pain to pull off (really unfortunate) at this point given the constant worrying about wind, etc. I know I sound like a p*ssy, but this is pretty hard for me, especially going public. I'm not going to leave this picture up forever, but I wanted to give you at least a nice assortment to base your judgements from, as pictures can deceive.

Pictures (it's a little big, but should work; make sure to view at the large size): http://i633.photobucket.com/albums/uu59/penmouse192/Smooth.jpg?t=1242169764

Thanks.

PM


   

This will be a bit hard for me to write because I've had such little sleep over the past few weeks, exam stress and that, so I'll keep it short and factual. I actually think you look better with the shaved head, personally, although you look good both with and without hair so I wouldn't worry. I can't notice any hairloss in your pictures. With regards to family members, I had similar experiences. It's kind of a implicit well known forum fact that mentioning it beforehand doesn't work, you're bound to get negative reactions, I did so from friends and family members. They probably have negative perceptions of head shaving and need to see how it looks on you to realise that not only does it not look bad, but it looks rather good. I got overwhelmingly positive reactions once I went through with it. And they realise it doesn't change who you are.

With regard to doing the deed, I'm sure many here have experiences of the agonising, the ruminating, before hand. Even when I said that I'm definitely gonna do it it still took me 2 weeks before I got up the courage and went through with it. Unfortunately it's one of those things where you have to suspend logical thinking, and everything else, and just say to yourself, I'm gonna do it, and do so. Otherwise you will be agonising for months and you will never get anywhere. Ultimately it's hair and it does grow back if you don't like it, you'll be surprised how quickly too. I was like you, never had a shaved head before, always had shaggy hair throughout my life, so it was a pretty daunting prospect, but now I've had it done I like it a lot.

Remember once you go through with it to give it the 30 day trial. The whole dallying thing doesn't work well, and people take it upon themselves to be rather negative if they spot any weakness.

My advice would be to go for it since as you say it's already causing you quite a lot of stress. Even if just to see what it's like. I suspect you will come to realise that it's not actually such a big thing, that in fact the reactions around you will be largely indifferent. People have their own issues and that

[Timmay]

hmmm 5 years ago?  I didnt know this site was even around 5 years ago.  i thought it started up in 2006 or 07

[penmouse192]

Very cool post imb. I'll take your word that you think I look better with the shaved head. I can't be sure, though (it's like evaluating your own voice; impossible). I think I've been conditioned to think that if I shave my head it will make me look ten times worse. I can probably handle a slight downgrade, but if it sabotages my attractiveness, that's what I'm worried about (sounds ridiculous I realize). My hair in the pics looks pretty good, but like I said under some light you can see through to the scalp. It's very annoying and I'm constantly trying to fix it. It's somewhat worse when your friends/relatives don't realize you're losing hair. My hairline is mature but pretty straight, so I guess I have that going for me (although the top front is where everything is somewhat thin). They say after you lose 50% density it becomes noticeable to others. I'm pretty close to that in some areas. The worst thing about losing hair is the slow decline; the meds just prolong this process.

Hope your exams panned out.

@Timmj: I'm pretty sure it was this site, but it may have been something similar. Maybe BaldrUs? I've browsed here for a while.

[SlyintheOC]

I never thought about shaving my head, but did it on a whim just over a month ago. My hair keeps getting thinner and thinner and it was getting harder and harder to find a haircut/barber that could make it look good (at least in my eyes). So about 5 years ago I learned to cut my own hair. I kept it cut in a horseshoe flattop and I admit it looked good, but the maintenance on it was extensive. So I let it grow out and then tried an expensive men's salon only to get a mediocre, blah and boring haircut that did nothing for my appearance. Then I learned to cut my hair into a short Ivy League cut, which was fine. However my crown area is getting really super thin and was very noticeable. So I kept trying shorter cuts until I cut it so short that I said "I may as well just shave it", and I did. I like it this way. I do not think it downgraded my appearance in any way. I've had people tell me they like it better shaved.

As far as attractiveness...... Sean Connery was voted at least once as People mag's 'Sexiest Man Alive'. Being bald obviously didn't hurt his attractiveness.... if anything it boosted it!

You have to accept that you are losing your hair. There is nothing that will guarantee hair growth that you do not have to use for a lifetime. I think you would look great shaved. Try it with some form of facial hair. You will find that you really like it and it will be less stressful not having to worry how your hair looks all of the time. All you can do is try it, and if YOU don't like it, it will always grow back.

[chgobuzzbald]

One thing that might help you is rather than fight the hairloss which is really imposible to change today (20, 30, 40 years from now I bet stem cell therapy will reverse baldness for some that wish that but I digress).
You keep mentioning the nose. Why not splurge and get it fixed ?  I did that about 10 years ago and it helped me tremendously. My nose was wide and too big for my face so I had a good cosmetic surgeon restructure it. AT the same time they also usually slip in a semi-circular chin implant to bring out the chin more to balance the face. Sort of a new profile to the face. I did not tell my family I was doing this, I just did it. It takes all of an hour and half, you sleep through it with IV sedation and then go home after a bit. No pain with the meds, take it easy for 3 weeks and your done. I had very little bruising around my eyes is all. Think of how great YOU will find your appearance with a great facial profile, right sized nose and a hot shaved head. I know its a lot at 24 but think about it.

[penmouse192]

@Chgo: You know, I've thought about this in the past, but I'm not totally keen on it. I'm okay with the way I look; I'm just having a hard time dealing with something being taken away from me. Definitely doesn't make me feel a lot better about the situation, though. Heh.

[PeripheralxMvmnt]

Pen, in regards to your pictures and being completely honest, i think you will look fine with a shaved head. The fact you have a large nose isnt highlighted at all with no hair. there doesnt seem to be any difference. The one thing i would recommend against is dont go for the mustache. It makes you look like you are going to kidnap a lady and tie her to the train tracks (haha)

i would go with what the guys said. take it back shorter and shorter every week or so. see how you like it. its a good stepping stone and its easy to gauge how much of your confidence is coming back.

hang in there dude. weve all been there, and even if the sly look doesnt do it for you, youre more than welcome to come and hang out!

[GaryT]

Deep breath now....IMHO.....it's just hair!! If ANYONE thinks  that going bald, then let 'em think it. I know for me it was the largst positive change in my life.

I feel that going bald or being bald is not a bad thing but a good one. I think that most out there are not judging you by your hair. They shouldnt judge you either way!!

Summary: Shave it off and keep it shaved for one month. See what happens. Watch how your confidence goes up.  Your self respect goes up.....and everything about you starts to change from there.

Do it!!!

[adam_r_todd]

Plenty of us have been right where you are.  Something I learned after immersing myself in the sly lifestyle, seeing plenty of before and after photos, and having friends shave their heads:  good looking guys are still good looking with shaved heads.  Some get even better looking.  Shaving the head never makes a hot guy an ugly turd.   

You're obviously very smart and have put a lot of thought into it.  I can say this because I've done it too -- you're not just thinking, you're obsessing.  Because you seem like a smart guy, I have no doubt that soon enough, you'll convince yourself.  Post a picture once you shave it.

 

[penmouse192]

I came here because of the experience and understanding within these boards. I think you're probably right that a truly good looking guy can't suffer too much from the loss of hair (save a ridiculous head shape or disproportionately massive forehead). It's probably my profile which has stopped me so far, but like I said I'm okay with the way I am. After all, I've seen much worse. My eyes and smile are probably my best features and I'm pretty sure shaving only enhances these things. 

[bem75]

My 2 cents:

The long hair in the third row up from the bottom (B&W pic) does look cool.  I agree with you there.  However, in the other pictures, I think that you look better with the shaved head or light shadow.  Honestly.

The best part is that hair grows back....for now.  If you look bad, just grow it back.  Give it 30 days, though.  Don't judge it on day 1, as it will be different and may take getting used to.

[penmouse192]

Thanks, Bem.  I'm surprised that some of you think I actually look better with a short buzz. Bald bias? Ha. I should have mentioned that some of these pics are almost three years old. That is as long as I've ever grown my hair out, and it was sweet when it was thick enough to do so (although a pain to manage; couldn't even lay my head down without messing it up). The grainy pics with shorter hair taken from my webcam are recent. Really long hair looks nice, but that picture is probably a little deceiving as it's an art print rather than a bare bones shot. I was about 21 then, but I'm now 24 and about to take a professional design job. A cleaner look is probably better anyway.