Bad Day at work

[privateryan.ryan]

Hi folks,

I went in for work today with my buzz cut (#2) and it was a horrible day for me. From the moment I stepped into the work premises people started giving me looks..or may be I felt that everybody is looking at me.

Here are the remarks/comments I got through my work day:

1. Are you sick? You have some disease?
2. Where is all your hair gone suddenly?
3. Ohh man..I am shocked to see you balding, you managed to hide it pretty well
4. Your baby face doesnt go with that head
5. What are you going to do now?
6. You need a change of job and place..may be the stress killed your hair
7. Do you have a girl friend?


I am sad..very sad..

I booked an appointent with the hair dresser for Thursday and I am going to completely remove all my hair.

[Sly Red]

I presume this happened at your workplace in Singapore?  This must be a cultural difference.  In the United States it would be very impolite and downright inappropriate to comment on a co-worker's appearance.

For instance:  Can you imagine going into your workplace and saying "Good Morning Jane, you're looking particularly fatter than usual this morning." ?

Rude and inappropriate comments should be met with icy stares or equally rude responses, but that's just me.  You must work with some incredibly horrid people.  The issue is not your haircut.  That's a personal choice for you to make.

Red

[Timmay]

I just hope that privateryan wasnt too self conscious of himself.  You know like in the tv shows where one is flapping their jaws and the listener is hearing something different.??

I just couldnt imagine walking into work and having all of those negative responses.  I am sure there were some who gave you AWESOME compliments...so where are those??  Dont be a pessimist  but rather be an optimist.   You have to take the good, awesome compliments further with you and leave all the negative ones behind.   Stand tall my friend!

[Mikekoz13]

Hey Ryan............ Don't worry about it. I'm betting most of these people, if not all, really aren't very important to your life.

Your life Man..... do what you like........

[buddha]

For instance:  Can you imagine going into your workplace and saying "Good Morning Jane, you're looking particularly fatter than usual this morning." ?

Red

 
Are you saying that's wrong?

[Timmay]

lol buddha  lol

[PeripheralxMvmnt]

Ryan, i posted this before and i think it fits your predicament, especially the second paragraph. I hope we are helping you dude!


You have to look at it like this: This is the hand that you have been dealt. What are you going to do about it? Its either shave bald, pump yourself full of chemicals that cause financial, emotional and possibly physical damage, or not do anything. Thats the ultimatum. Your initial reaction might not be favorable because it is such a change (even if there wasnt that much hair) but you have to be optimistic and keep up with it.

And as far as acquaintances (because friends dont do that), to hell with them. People are predatory in nature, and we instinctively seek out each others perceived flaws. And thats the trigger word: Perceived. Its all in how you carry yourself. Its different, and they can smell your insecurity about it. They are going to take their shots, and if you dont let it bother you, they will get bored and move on. It sounds pessimistic, but its a classic predator/prey mindset. If you can overcome perceived weaknesses, then you are a harder target. And why exert so much energy for a harder target?

There definitely is something about shaving your head and it being a life changing thing. Some people take to it quickly and love it, and some have to warm up to it. This board is full of people like that, and this is what we are here for. So welcome to the board, and hang in there. You will have your "moment of clarity."

[privateryan.ryan]

guys..i think it was the suddent change of appearance that also took them by surprise..they have seen me with full hair for the last 2-3 yrs..

Unfortunately, not even one postive remark came from colleagues..and yes..thats how Asian mentality is..we dont accept flaws readily..

It is partly my fault also, as I went in with this preconceived mindset of facing humiliation and when that happended it just maximised the pain..

Well, I have thought about it a lot..thought of saving the hair..but it is not going to happen..I have accepted it..and well this thursday I am going to go SLY. I am not sure what reaction I am going to get. I hope things settle down fast as I desperately want to move on and put all this behind me.

[Paul]

Hang in there ryan.  Regardless of the culture, what you think and feel is still the MOST important thing.    If you walk about confidently others will see you as confident.   When people ask such questions, just say  BECAUSE I WANTED TO.

[D.A.L.U.I.]

That's one tough office situation--even if such inappropriate remarks don't violate the cultural mores of the region.  It is a great statement that you're still going SLY .  Just one thing, and maybe it's just me, but taking the clippers to "0" then applying the shaving creme and blade was such an important thing for me to do myself.  My only suggestion would be use the money you would have used on the barber, buy a clipper if you don't have one, they're available here for approximately US$10-15, clean it off and shave yourself.  I have read many times on this forum the power that others felt doing that, I know I did--a liberating, F_ck them all, cleaning feeling!  Consider it, it was one of the high points for me in the process of going SLY.  But, in any event, no matter how you get there, you will enjoy it.    See you soon on the Sly Side.

[The Scottish Ambassador]

Most of the guys will tell you on here that it takes a lot for me to be spechless, but your post pretty much did the trick. It has taken me a while to post reply. My initial thoughts were that you have a very insensitive, cruel group of work colleagues. Then I thought insensitive and cruel were much to nice descriptions. I have now come up with - ignorant, thoughtless, inconsiderate, - to name a few.

You know we as a group on here will always support you. Post up a pic when you go Sly (and do it yourself. It feels great shaving your noggin for the 1st time. No barber should do it for you)so we can pay you compliments when we see how bloody great you look. Are there no women in your workplace who have drooled over Vin Diesel, Bruce Willis etc?

[DCdome]

Hey Ryan!

Sorry that you had to go through that at work.  But hang in there, buddy.  This will all work itself out and you will emerge with new confidence and garner new respect.

Follow the 30 day rule (either for the buzz or the bald dome).  This will give you a chance to live your life normally with the new look not constantly on your mind.  Also, it will give others the opportunity to get used to the look and to you as a proud buzzed or bald man.

Also, I agree with the bros that when you do shave the dome, do it yourself.  Either buy clippers as has already been suggested and take it down as close as you can and then shave it off with a razor or go to the barber and get a #0 buzz all over and come home and shave the dome.  You will soon be a daily shaver anyway and so you might as well get used to the task from the start.

[Rob]

I guess we're lucky in UK and US because, as has been said before, MOST people (though not all, of course!!) tend to be polite and keep their opinions to themselves, at least to a certain extent.  I can't believe you got so many ignorant responses.  I dread to think what they say if someone comes to work there who is 'too fat', 'too thin', 'too tall' 'too blonde', 'too tall' or 'too ill' for their small-minded opinions.

I hope you stick at it bro, and look at them with pride when you go SLY.  I agree you should do it yourself rather than a barber, but that's personal choice.  However you do it, be SLY and proud!

[Tyler]

Hang in there bro!  Once you shave, give it 30 days.  You will see a huge difference in attitude and confidence after the 30 days.

[Timmay]

Hang in there ryan.  Regardless of the culture, what you think and feel is still the MOST important thing.    If you walk about confidently others will see you as confident.   When people ask such questions, just say  BECAUSE I WANTED TO.

Just like Paul said, but BECAUSE YOU CAN!