hey guys its been a while but i have a serious ? and need a serious answer!!!! - page 1 -

• hey guys its been a while but i have a serious ? and need a serious answer!!!! by RockloudRockhard88 on 20 Apr, 2009 13:33
• ok so long story ,but im going to try and make it short as possible.... Anyways me and my fiance have been with each other for 3 years now and we just got engaged. Shes very excited about the wedding and planning and all that stuff girls are happy about ,well i moved down to jax to be with her and live together and all that and shes always had ,an aol s/n thing... so heres the deal im a really jealous guy ya know and i try my best to trust her and all that.
  
  basically what im asking is just "flirting" on the internet considered cheating as long as it doesnt go no further than that?  i know she gets online at times cause she bored and stuff and i really believe she loves me ,because she really excited about the wedding and all but i know guys on the net flirt with her and all that stuff on them chat rooms. I dont wanna go invade her privacy and check up on her ,and we talked bout it before me and her she says that its just the internet and its nothing more and she loves me and only me and doesnt care about the guys online.
  
   She just gets on cause shes bored and that guys on there are nothing to her and that she would never throw away what we have for the stupid internet! Well im asking what do you guys think??? should i quit worrying and am i worrying to much cause i do think about it alot to be honest and sometimes cant get it outta my head.... and what do you guys think of flirting and the internet??
• #1 by Kratos on 20 Apr, 2009 14:28
• I was in your spot at one point, wasn't engaged, but had a girlfriend. I can be the jealous type also. Apparently my ex had an "online" boyfriend. Though she was kidding it annoyed the crap out of me whenever he was brought up. Anyway, if she's going to be on the web a lot, guys will do this, it's inevitable, we're men. I've gone into chat rooms out of boredom and some of the stuff I see guys type is just sad. You should trust her and realize those dudes on the internet mean nothing. And besides, she's probably just doing it for poops and giggles. You know what I mean by poops, I just want to keep the forum clean of profanity. As far as cheating, that's taking it a little too far, I wouldn't consider that cheating at all. People do silly things when bored, you shouldn't worry about it, if she tells you she loves you, AND the fact that you guys are engaged, take her word for it! Good luck brother.
• #2 by Stu on 20 Apr, 2009 16:41
• I don't know if it's as simple as Peter believes.  If this is something that she does a lot, whether bored or not, I have to wonder why.  Is she getting some sort of fulfillment from this?  Can she / will she stop if you ask, given the angst you have about the whole thing?  There are many 'addictions'  that people have... drugs, alcohol, porn, fill in the blank... -- if this could be described as an addiction, I would at least be concerned.  If you are serious about making a marriage work, and not just knowing that there is always an out (divorce), you might want to discuss this further.  If it's important enough that it's bothering you as much as it seems, then it needs to be equally important to her.  I guess that's my 2 cents.
• #3 by Kratos on 20 Apr, 2009 16:46
• You made some good points Stu.
• #4 by TheSlyBear on 20 Apr, 2009 17:03
• Dude, please learn about paragraphs and sentences.
• #5 by Mikekoz13 on 20 Apr, 2009 18:15
• Dude...... I can't read your diatribe due to lack of punctuation, grammer, etc.
  
  Periods can be a good friend!
  
  Please have mercy on the eyes of us older members!
• #6 by RockloudRockhard88 on 20 Apr, 2009 18:50
• sorry dudes was in a rush had to run to the other side of town i apologize... was just trying to explain real quick hope thats better!!!!
• #7 by andrew on 20 Apr, 2009 20:57
• I agree with the points made by Stu.  Especially if you're planning to marry this woman, please talk to her about this issue.   If this continues after you're married, you're likely to get much more pissed off than you are now.   
• #8 by (|8-) on 21 Apr, 2009 00:40
• She is flirty while on the Internet for something she'd be doing anyway, or she is going to the Internet with the purpose of hanging out in chat rooms and flirting? 
  
  I think all you need to do is translate her behavior to the physical world to figure out how you'd react.
  
  Are you asking, "Should I be worried when my girlfriend flirts with the car salesman when we go to buy a car?"  I'd say no, she's teasing both of you. 
  
  But if you're asking, "Should I be worried that my girlfriend spends time in bars talking to total strangers?" then I think I'd say you should worry enough to talk to her about it. 
  
• #9 by champ007 on 21 Apr, 2009 06:45
• First question, you have been with her for 3 years and just moved to Jax to live with her??
  Did you meet on the internet?
  How long have you done the long distant thing in the 3 years?
  Do you really know who she is or are you blinded by the love emotion?
  
  I can say 2 things here, first- if you are this jealous about it then you don't trust her, and should not even think about marriage. You won't last 2 years. I mean WTF? Better make it a long engagement.....
  
  Second- If you have spoke to her already about it and she knows how you feel but continues to do it, what exactly does that tell you.... she doesn't give a sh*t!! She apparently needs a lot of attention and is one of those types. If you don't plan on being up her ass 24/7 then I would definitely put the marriage on the back burner.
  
  That's my 2 cents.
• #10 by GaryT on 21 Apr, 2009 10:02
• If you're really concerned.....and you've been mostly doing the long distance thing, I would agee with others comments. You NEVER believe all of what you hear from someone on line. So IMHO I would start talking to her and put things on hold for  a while. You CAN NOT start a relationship without being able to be open and honest!Quick story: I once chatted with a woman on line. We had tons in common. She was an usher in her local church and I was one here
• #11 by GaryT on 21 Apr, 2009 10:09
• OOppps I hit the wrong key there, sorry! Anyway I thought I had a great friend up in Canada. It was fun talking to her. My wife knew (because I told her) that this was going on. No sweat, no problems....Then one day this woman from canada and as you can imagine I was shocked!!!  Fortunately my wife was not at home!! Well things got worse, she had dicided to come in person to tell me that she loved me!!Perhaps not the best way, but I just told her she had things really screwed up and I had no intention of going any where else with her, and that I won't be chatting with her anymore. Taught me a huge amount of things and I've never done on line chat since.So, think long and hard about this one and take you're time!!
• #12 by Papa Don on 21 Apr, 2009 13:18
• Rockon, my opinion is that this marriage should be put on hold.  If you told her (?) how you feel about this chatting  and she continues.  Who knows?  There is several things you have said that would make me think twice.
• #13 by RockloudRockhard88 on 21 Apr, 2009 13:59
• Quote from: (|8-) on 21 Apr, 2009 00:40

  She is flirty while on the Internet for something she'd be doing anyway, or she is going to the Internet with the purpose of hanging out in chat rooms and flirting? 
  
  I think all you need to do is translate her behavior to the physical world to figure out how you'd react.
  
  Are you asking, "Should I be worried when my girlfriend flirts with the car salesman when we go to buy a car?"  I'd say no, she's teasing both of you. 
  
  But if you're asking, "Should I be worried that my girlfriend spends time in bars talking to total strangers?" then I think I'd say you should worry enough to talk to her about it. 
  
  

  
  to put it in real world terms... she just does the flirting stuff on the internet it never goes past that, shes never went to a bar and flirted with anyone. She always tells any guy even the ones on the internet that shes engaged, but she still flirts with some of them
• #14 by xnewyawka on 21 Apr, 2009 17:48
• I would heed the advice from the guys. I agree with champ, Stu and Papa Don, they all  made very good points. Sounds like trouble waiting to happen.
  
  I would say either extend the engagement, or put it off for a while until you can get things straight.
  
  Good luck, and don't rush into anything!