Need Advice/help

• Need Advice/help by FrankyG on 01 Mar, 2009 18:28
• Okay, so i am starting to notice a pattern in my dating. I am dating someone, things going great, than I start self destructing the relationship.
  
  As I said in an earlier post, I have been dating this girl for about 2 months now,a nd I really like this one. But I see myself getting into my old ways again. I think she is starting to notice, and i don't know what to do. Any of you guys got any advice for this?
• #1 by SBG Math Guy on 01 Mar, 2009 18:38
• pardon my ignorance bro,  what are your "old ways"?
  I can suggest something but I got to know what you think you are doing wrong.
• #2 by FrankyG on 01 Mar, 2009 19:03
• Basically where I start to self destruct the relationship. Like start being less talkative, trying to pick arguments for the sake of it, etc., etc.
• #3 by marty22 on 01 Mar, 2009 19:22
• you better find a way to chill.
• #4 by Pshrynk on 01 Mar, 2009 19:24
• Maybe you're just not ready to commit and you implode them to stay single?
• #5 by Dome of Steele on 01 Mar, 2009 19:57
• I was gonna say what Pshrynk did.  Perhaps you just aren't ready for a commitment and you feel suffocated whenever a girl likes you too much   Just let them know or look for those who just want a quick thing. 
  Or maybe you DO like them, but you are one of those people who sabotage themselves.  If that is the case then you need to recognize what you are doing and stop it, and possibly discuss it with your partner. 
   
• #6 by nomad on 09 Mar, 2009 22:35
• I agree it seems like a fear of commitment
  
  I went through the same crap every relationship I was in I sabotaged them
  
  You really got to be ready and find out why your not if you think you are
• #7 by hammerdrill376 on 10 Mar, 2009 04:04
• Recognizing the problem is Step 1. Sounds like you have a bit of a handle on that. I don't know how old you are but maybe you are at a stage where you aren't sure about what you want out of life or out of a relationship. Take some time off from getting involved with someone else and really get to know yourself first.
• #8 by Mikekoz13 on 10 Mar, 2009 04:53
• I'll offer two things here:
  
  1) You haven't found "The One" yet. In your heart you know that the girl isn't the one that does it for you so you just aren't that happy .
  
  2) The more likely scenario.......... You're not happy with yourself. Whatever it is about yourself that you have a problem with.... fix it.
  You have to look at yourself in the mirror and, as honestly as possible, list your shortcomings and things you would like to change about yourself. Then fix them. It's not always easy being honest with ourselves about our own shortcomings but you have to really give it a go.
  
  I was in the same situation years back..... I sabotaged every relationship..... many with really great women. One day I looked at myself in the mirror and just said to myself, "All of these nice women can't be the problem.... it must be me". So I had a little self analysis and figured out the things I didn't like about myself. Then I worked on changing them.... it wasn't that hard to change once I realized what my faults were but it did take some work.
• #9 by nomad on 12 Mar, 2009 22:19
• Right you are Koz  fears come from within
  
  a fear of commitment could be from not being happy with something inside yourself
• #10 by SBG Math Guy on 12 Mar, 2009 22:25
• wow Mike(koz)  that's some great advice.  I have to save those words for myself when I get into such a situation.
• #11 by FrankyG on 23 Mar, 2009 17:03
• Wow, haven't been on here in awhile, thanks for the advice. Just got back from a week long trip, and realized that as of now this is not someone I will be with forever. Going to be ending this one. Koz, I will definitley be taking your advice.
• #12 by The Scottish Ambassador on 23 Mar, 2009 17:17
• Jeez, the guys on this site just give the best advice. Cant add anythin more 
• #13 by baldmancometh on 09 Apr, 2009 15:20
• Hey man I tend to be the same way. I know what my problem is and it's not really a problem, it's just that I have high standards. If she doesn't meet your standards then why settle. Just always be honest to the woman. Don't tell her what you think she wants to hear because it'll just hurt her more in the end. If you don't feel anything after a couple of months it's prolly not gonna magically happen. It's not wrong to breakup with someone, it's wrong to lead them on if you're not seriously interested. I'm still friends with most of my ex's because even though it didn't work out between us I never lied and told them something that they wanted to hear if I didn't feel it.