Why Men Can Never Win

[Lord of the Rings Junkie]

If you put a woman on a pedestal and
try to protect her from the rat race,
you are a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework,
you are a pansy

If you work too hard,
there is never any time for her..
If you don't work enough,
you are a good for nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay,
this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay,
you should get off your rear
and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her,
that is favoritism.
If she gets job ahead of you,
it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks,
it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you are a wimp.
If you don't, you are an insensitive bastard.

If you make a decision without consulting her,
you are a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you,
she's liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something
she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form
and frilly underwear, you are a pervert.
If you don't, you are a fag.

If you like a woman to shave her legs
and keep in shape, you are a sexist.
If you don't, you are unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you are vain.
If you don't, you are a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you are after something.
If you don't, you are not thoughtful.

If you are proud of your achievements,
you are up yourself.
If you don't, you are not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she is tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often, you are oversexed.
If you don't, there must be someone else.

[SBG Math Guy]

 

[Adam]

I think I saw that, or something similar in Gene Simmons' book SEX MONEY KISS.  Very true, though.

[Stu]

Glad you know what you are up against... don't forget, no matter what, it's always your fault.

[StumpyDave]

I've learned this over the years.

That's why when I get home in the evening I always greet my wife with "Hi Honey.  What did I do wrong today?"

[buddha]

Here is a Zen Koan:
A man is walking alone in the forest and is talking to himself as he walks. His wife is nowhere around.
Is everything he says still wrong?

[OzPete]

Sad fact it's all true... 

[Stu]

A man is walking alone in the forest and is talking to himself as he walks. His wife is nowhere around.
Is everything he says still wrong?

-- ABSOLUTELY.

Sidenote -- if she ever finds out that she is wrong, you can't mention it (i.e. definitely NO 'I told you so'), she doesn't have to admit it, and she certainly doesn't have to say she's sorry -- that's your job.

[buddha]

The two most important words in modern man's relationship vocabulary are as follows:
1) Yes
2) Dear

Of course, with regard to life itself, there are two questions that a man MUST ask himself:
1) Where am I going?
2) Who is going with me?
And God help you if you ask them in the wrong order.

[wpruitt]

As my dad once said, "At one time in my life I thought I was always right.  Then I got married."

[FrankyG]

I think Darned if you do, darned if you don't fits this thing pretty well...