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Baked Beans by bmwgsa on 08 Feb, 2007 09:25
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One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love.
When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme
sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way
home from work.
Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that
I would be late because I had to walk home.
On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was
more than I could stand.
With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by
the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I
had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.
I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.
He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and
went to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure
was becoming most unbearable. So while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.
It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.
I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink
was worse than cooked cabbage.
Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room,
I went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable.
When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my
freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin,
Placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband
returned, apologizing for taking so long.
He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I
had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests
seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#1 by PBurke on 08 Feb, 2007 09:54
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ok i am off the floor. that would suck, BAD.
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#2 by Tyler on 08 Feb, 2007 12:40
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That reminds me of this commercial:
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/cpnzXjkbp-A" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="bbc_link bbc_flash_disabled new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/cpnzXjkbp-A</a> -
#3 by wpruitt on 08 Feb, 2007 20:36
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LMAO
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#4 by don on 10 Feb, 2007 22:25
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That was too funny,I remember that joke and that commercial is hysterically funny,Tyler.Women are so sensitive about those things and it's funny to see them get all red with embarrassment. I,on the other hand have no qualms about farting. Maybe it's because I'm a guy but if I have to let one out I'll just let it rip even if I'm walking down the aisle of a store.
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#5 by Tom McGarry. on 10 Feb, 2007 22:32
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#6 by Tyler on 11 Feb, 2007 00:26
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That was too funny,I remember that joke and that commercial is hysterically funny,Tyler.Women are so sensitive about those things and it's funny to see them get all red with embarrassment. I,on the other hand have no qualms about farting. Maybe it's because I'm a guy but if I have to let one out I'll just let it rip even if I'm walking down the aisle of a store.
It's funny how women change once you are in a relationship with them. All of the sudden farting is not such a big deal, at least within the privacy of your home.
Don - I see that you are what I call a "crop duster" by leaving a trail behind you in the store. I used to do that to a boss of mine that I hated. I would fart just before I walked pass his office. Sometimes I would actually stop to let it linger right there.
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#7 by PBurke on 11 Feb, 2007 05:32
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i do that to one of the bosses all the time. of course he does it too.
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#8 by don on 11 Feb, 2007 21:53
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Bosses are the best to get even with that way.I had a boss that blasted one in the mensroom and when he realized I heard him he gave me a dirty look.I felt like saying,"We're in a mensroom moron" Mine are usually loud and I can't tell you how many times I have gotten wierd looks when I farted in public.
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#9 by PigPen on 15 Feb, 2007 07:46
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I'll go into my boss' office just to fart then leave. I'll do the crop duster like Don too sometimes.
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#10 by flattop peterbilt on 18 Feb, 2007 03:00
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we just connected the ducting from the vent in the bathroom to blow into his office...it only took two days before he called one of us to go up and see if something died in the ducting ...we let it go for about a week till he sh*t and realized the smell was going into his office...that is bad when you can tell if it is your own colon funk...
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#11 by Tyler on 18 Feb, 2007 03:32
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we just connected the ducting from the vent in the bathroom to blow into his office...it only took two days before he called one of us to go up and see if something died in the ducting ...we let it go for about a week till he sh*t and realized the smell was going into his office...that is bad when you can tell if it is your own colon funk...
That's awesome! I wish I could have had the opportunity to do that to my last boss. Though, I would have done it a couple days before I quit and then never told him.