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Into the mind of someone who doesn't like the way he looks by Mr. Wilson on 30 Nov, 2008 11:27
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I'm going to record my thoughts, observations, comments about my hair, and any other thing that I deem to be important about me being uncomfortable about the way I look. I've been sly once before and I yearn to be so once again, but as you all I know I've given in to some stubborn family members who can't seem to accept a sly me. I'm hoping I will get the courage once again to face them and to shave my head and keep it that way.
and the story continues... -
#1 by Mr. Wilson on 30 Nov, 2008 11:47
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Chapter 1: Work is a Hairy Situation
I constantly feel uncomfortable around my coworkers who are all young (18-22) and not experiencing hair issues. I remember one day I was working with one of them and he made a joke about someones hair and I laughed. Then he said to me, "don't laugh, you are already going bald." and then he asked me how old I was. That obviously made me feel really bad because I thought my thinning wasn't very noticeable at that point (I kept my hair at a #2 then as a compromise between me and my family). I'm always on edge when being around my fellow employees because I fear that I will get a "hair comment" from them. I've even stooped so low as to wear a hood when I am outside of my freezer (I spend a lot of time working inside a freezer).
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#2 by Mr. Wilson on 30 Nov, 2008 11:59
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Chapter 2: Looking at the Man in the Mirror
Sometimes I am afraid to look at myself in the mirror because I know I won't like what I see. But every once in awhile, I do look up and my eyes immediately get drawn straight to my hair. I've even thought about recreating my hairline (since my thinning is actually above my natural hairline) by using a brown "wet n wild" eyeliner stick to draw up a new hairline and then I would try to imagine how I would look with the newly created look. After that I would just stare at myself with the stupid brown line running through my thinning hair and I would immediately rub the marking off. I never got to the point where I actually recreated my hairline because it looked just as stupid as my thinning hair. -
#3 by Mr. Wilson on 30 Nov, 2008 12:30
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Chapter 3: Why won't you just die?
It pains me that I've actually thought about the chapter 3 title when dealing with a family member but it is true. She is the ring leader and the one who has raised the other 2 folks in my family to be so narrow minded about baldies. I love her very much but during the past year, I wish I could just not have to see her face. That or most importantly, I wish she could just learn to accept me with no hair and to not treat me worse off when I am sly. Remarkably enough, she was the driving factor in me taking the plunge. Her comment about my hair not growing as much on top was exactly what I needed to put the clippers to my head and to join the ranks of the sly bald guys.
It didn't last very long though, immediately upon seeing my new hairdo she questioned whether I was a member of a cult or the skinheads and she "became worried about me." I stayed strong during the encounter and gave her minimal responses and after I faced her, I cried. I couldn't believe how mean a family member could be (she did apologize to me for her comments shortly afterward, in which I forgave her, but I never forgot her words...). All I wanted was to feel good about myself when looking at the mirror and not having to constantly defend myself and my actions to a few people.
Eventually, I couldn't stand them... the looks, the questions, the "you don't look good bald," and all the other negativity and hatred which was spewed my way. So I gave in to there verbal assaults and I grew my hair back. That leads me to today, where I am unhappy and they are the ones who have benefited. Now they don't act like they are embarrassed to be around me. In the end, I know I will have to face them once again and the whole story will replay itself. I want to have the sly bald guy attitude and to finally have control over my mind and body. I will not be broken down ever again. -
#4 by Mr. Wilson on 30 Nov, 2008 12:32
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Chapter 4: ??
Soon to be the final chapter, the ending is a product of my actions. Will I be sly once again? Or will I continue being a weak person who is controlled by a select few? Stay tuned to find out... -
#5 by Razor X on 30 Nov, 2008 13:04
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If I may say so, you are spending WAAY too much time obsessing over this. I think most of us have gone through this phase. I know what it's like to be fearful of other peoples' reactions. But if you really want to shave your head -- and you do or you wouldn't be here -- eventually you reach the point where the desire to do it outweighs any apprehensions you may have. It's something you just have to do for yourself, regardless of what anyone else thinks. And once it's done, you need to stick to your guns and keep your head shaved, no matter what. That's where the 30-day rule comes in. It takes time to get used to the new look and develop some confidence.
Trust me, if you make it through the first 30 days, the confidence will come. And knowing you had the balls to stick with it, despite any negative feedback, will give you confidence in other aspects of your life. This is more than just a haircut; it's about taking control of your life. The people around you will fall in line, eventually. If you don't do it, you'll always regret it.
Now, stop fretting and go shave your head.
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#6 by The Scottish Ambassador on 30 Nov, 2008 13:10
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If I may say so, you are spending WAAY too much time obsessing over this. I think most of us have gone through this phase. I know what it's like to be fearful of other peoples' reactions. But if you really want to shave your head -- and you do or you wouldn't be here -- eventually you reach the point where the desire to do it outweighs any apprehensions you may have. It's something you just have to do for yourself, regardless of what anyone else thinks. And once it's done, you need to stick to your guns and keep your head shaved, no matter what. That's where the 30-day rule comes in. It takes time to get used to the new look and develop some confidence.
Trust me, if you make it through the first 30 days, the confidence will come. And knowing you had the balls to stick with it, despite any negative feedback, will give you confidence in other aspects of your life. This is more than just a haircut; it's about taking control of your life. The people around you will fall in line, eventually. If you don't do it, you'll always regret it.
Now, stop fretting and go shave your head.
AMEN!!!!! -
#7 by Mr. Wilson on 30 Nov, 2008 13:20
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I am not afraid to shave my head (I have done it before), I am just afraid of facing my family once again. You are right though, I spend WAY too much time stressing over hair!
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#8 by Razor X on 30 Nov, 2008 13:54
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I am not afraid to shave my head (I have done it before), I am just afraid of facing my family once again.
You have to confront your fear because it's preventing you from doing something you want to do. You can do it if you want to badly enough. -
#9 by Mr. Wilson on 30 Nov, 2008 14:15
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One thing I will be looking forward to is taking pictures of myself with my new digital camera. I took a picture of myself with hair and I had to delete it because I looked so bad in it. I liked the photo of you with your sunglasses on btw :p.
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#10 by time2shine on 30 Nov, 2008 16:19
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I can't agree more with Razor.
I know what it's like to think too much, dude. Just jump! stop running the situations through your head. Do it. -
#11 by Rob on 30 Nov, 2008 17:38
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I've been in that situation myself, where I just thought and thought about something, even sometimes when i was younger would draw pictures of how I wanted to look and photoshop pictures to see how I'd look with different hairstyles and totally bald. i thought about it for ages before I did it, and then I knew I just had to do it before obsessing over it drove me mad!
Once I'd done the deed I knew I loved it. People around me didnt always love it, and many told me so, but eventually they saw how happy I was with my look (for the first real time in years) and that I was more confident. They saw I was 'happy in my skin' at last, and I realised I didnt need to obsess about my hair any more. I've been SLY two and a half years now and sometimes I still get the odd comment from people who don't understand, but the important thing is, I know it is right for ME. It's as simple as that. You can't live your life for others.
I've told this story before, but it illustrates what I mean so well: a friend of mine has a cousin (she lives in America) who lost her husband just last year. She is eighty next year, and was married for over 50 years, and all through that time she kept her hair very very long, because her husband liked it that way. she was afraid to cut it in case he didnt like it, even though she hated to mess with it, put it up in buns etc. When he died one of the first things she did was have her hair cut short like she'd always wanted it. It took her all that time to get around to it, and she only did it because her husband wasnt there to see it.
I think that's a real shame. She lived her life totally for her husband for 50 years, which is great in a way, but wouldnt she have felt so much better about herself if she'd allowed herself freedom of mind?
That's why you should go for it: but do it for YOU and no one else - not even us!
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#12 by Mikekoz13 on 01 Dec, 2008 07:38
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Listen to my Friend Razor....... he's a sharp guy.......
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#13 by Mr. Wilson on 01 Dec, 2008 08:39
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I've been thinking about my hair way too much. When I wake up, the first thing I do is go on slybaldguys.com (maybe a lot of you do that anyways haha). Then when I'm with my dad, all I think about is I wish he can accept me sly. I also think about the day when I will be done with school, moved out of the house, and then be free to shave my head (hopefully I will have minimal contact with family then). Lastly, I've been thinking about how others will see me when I have to do my presentations infront of the class.
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#14 by time2shine on 01 Dec, 2008 08:55
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hopefully I will have minimal contact with family then.
I understand that family drama can be stressful. But having minimal contact with them will just push issues to the back burner, and it makes things worse - atleast in my experience.
I think you're in a powerful situation right now. It may be hard to stand up to them, but this is the time to do it. Before possibly losing all contact, out of spite.
I know I'm sounding preachy, so maybe this is something we can PM about.