Our Judicial System at Work????

• Our Judicial System at Work???? by Brkeatr on 26 Sep, 2008 04:40
• These are from a book called " Disorder in the American Courts",and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were taking place.
  
  
  Attorney:  Are you sexually active?
  
  Witness:  No, I just lie there.
  
  
  Attorney: What gear where you in at the moment of impact?
  
  Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks
  
  
  Attorney: This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all?
  
  Witness: Yes
  
  Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
  
  Witness: I forgot
  
  Attorney:  You forgot?  Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
  
  
  Attorney:  What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
  
  Witness:  He said " where am I Cathy" ?
  
  Attorney:  And why did that upset you?
  
  Witness:  My name is Susan !
  
  
  
  Attorney:  Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
  
  Witness:  We both do
  
  Attorney: voodoo?
  
  Witness:  We do
  
  Attorney:  you do?
  
  Witness:  yes ,vodoo
  
  
  Attorney:  Now Doctor, isn't it true, that when a person dies in his sleep he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
  
  Witness:  Did you actually pass the Bar exam?
  
  
  Attorney:  The youngest son, the 21 year old, how old is he?
  
  Witness:  Uhhh, hes 21.
  
  
  Attorney:   Where you present when your picture was taken?
  
  Witness:  Are you shittin' me?
  
  
  Attorney:  So the date of the conception (baby) was August 8th?
  
  Witness:  yes
  
  Attorney:  And what were you doing at the time?
  
  Witness:  Uhh...I was gettin' laid
  
  
  Attorney:  She had 3 children, right?
  
  Witness:  Yes
  
  Attorney:  How many were boys?
  
  Witness:  None
  
  Attorney:  Were there any girls?
  
  Witness:  Are you kidding?  Your Honor I think I need a new attorney....can I get a new attorney?
  
  
  Attorney:  How was your first marriage treminated?
  
  Witness:  death
  
  Attorney:  And by whose death was it terminated?
  
  Witness:  Now who's death do you suppose terminated it?
  
  
  
  Attorney:  Can you describe the individual?
  
  Witness:  he was about medium height and had a beard.
  
  Attorney:  Was this a male or female
  
  Witness:  Guess
  
  
  
  Attorney:  Is your apperance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice that I had sent to your attorney?
  
  Witness:  No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
  
  
  
  Attorney:  Doctor, how many of your autopsies have been performed on dead people?
  
  Witness:  All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
  
  
  
  Attorney:  All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
  
  Witness: oral
  
  
  
  Attorney:  Do you recall the time you examined the body?
  
  Witness:  The autospy started around 8:30 pm.
  
  Attorney:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
  
  Witness:  No, he was sitting at the table wondering why I was doing a autospy on him.
  
  
  
  
  Attorney:  Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
  
  Witness:  Huh? are you qualified to ask that question?
  
  
  
  Attorney:   Doctor, before you performed the autospy did you check for a pulse?
  
  Witness:  No
  
  Attorney:  Did you check for blood pressure?
  
  Witness:  No
  
  Attorney:  did you check for breathing?
  
  Witness:  No
  
  Attorney: So Doctor, it's possible the patient was alive when you started the autospy?
  
  Witness:  No
  
  Attorney:  How can you be so sure Doctor?
  
  Witness:  Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
  
  Attorney:  I see, but could the patient still have been alive nevertheless?
  
  Witness:  Yes, it is possible he could have been alive and practicing law.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• #1 by Timmay on 26 Sep, 2008 07:30
• what is sad...is that some of those are true.
• #2 by schro on 26 Sep, 2008 07:38
• A CPA friend of mine once said, "99% of attorneys give the other 50% a bad name".
• #3 by tomgallagher on 26 Sep, 2008 08:37
• What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocrean..?
  
  A good start.
• #4 by IRONHORSE on 26 Sep, 2008 10:44
•   Brkeatr, thanks for starting my day out with a good laugh - that last one was especially good 
• #5 by Brkeatr on 26 Sep, 2008 11:58
• Quote from: IRONHORSE on 26 Sep, 2008 10:44

  Brkeatr, thanks for starting my day out with a good laugh - that last one was especially good 
  

  
  Glad you enjoyed them IRONHORSE....at 5:30 am I was pretty bored so I had to have something to do.....lol....
• #6 by Dome of Steele on 26 Sep, 2008 12:06
• I love the first one the most. 
• #7 by time2shine on 26 Sep, 2008 12:07
• Attorney:  All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
  
  Witness: oral
  
  
  LOL good stuff
• #8 by GASlick on 26 Sep, 2008 21:47
• I like the brain in the jar the best!  Funny stuff.
• #9 by Timmay on 27 Sep, 2008 06:24
• the conception one was good too...
• #10 by jumissa.fi on 27 Sep, 2008 07:10
• The brains in a jar was the best! LMAO! 
• #11 by Alexander215 on 28 Sep, 2008 09:41
• Good ones.
• #12 by buuckkweet on 28 Sep, 2008 09:51
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• #13 by OzPete on 28 Sep, 2008 20:49
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