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Hair today, gone...maybe next week, or next month, or next year.....help! by LondonGuy on 06 Sep, 2008 08:08
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Hi Slys,
I’ve been lurking on here for a while now, but thought it was time I stepped out of the shadows and introduced myself! Before I do that, I just want to say, I love this site! I’ve spent a lot of time reading the posts – and have been touched, informed, and made to laugh. I’ve never posted on a forum before, and I feel honoured to be in your company. I apologise in advance, if this post turns out to be a bit long, but bear with me – I have a lot to bare!
Here’s why I’m here. I’ve been wearing a dreaded hair “system” now for about 13 years. I feel embarrassed even admitting it. I’m 36 now (actually today – it’s my birthday!), and I’m really, really, really getting tired of wearing the fake hair. The monthly “regrooms” (makes me sound like a poodle); the horrendous expense; and worst of all, the feeling that my entire sense of self-esteem is dependent on how my hair looks. It’s my Archilles heel, and it creeps into every area of my life. Only one of my friends knows about the hairpiece (or rather, she’s the only one who I openly talk to about it) – for everyone else, it’s something they either don’t know about, or they suspect, but just keep quiet to spare my embarrassment (although generally, the hairpiece looks pretty good, over time, I think people begin to twig the wig when they notice that sometimes the colour changes, especially in hot weather; or how I mysteriously go quiet whenever the subject of hair comes up in conversation; or how my hairstyle strangely stays the same over the years). Needless to say, this isn’t exactly conducive to the most open and honest of friendships/ relationships.
Of course, I know the answer is to whip the damn thing off (well, maybe not “whip” – it’s welded on with strong adhesive, so more like “prise off carefully” to avoid scalping myself) –and then go SLY. And this is what I want to do. Really, I do. No, I do! I wanna be one of you! And yet, it’s still on my head, and I’m terrified of taking it off.
As far as I can tell, there are two main mental barriers standing in my way.
1. Going to work with the sly look. I cringe when I even think about it. Especially because I know there are some people at work who already “know” about the piece. Are there any former hairpiece wearers amongst you who have had this experience of going into work without the system? What was the reaction? I’ve read some posts from other guys in the same situation, and would really appreciate hearing from you, wherever you happen to be on your journey to freedom from hair!
2. Attractiveness. I know it’s vain. A lot of the posts talk about how the ladies love the sly look, but here I should mention...I’m gay! Can any gay sly guys enlighten me on this one? Do the guys like the sly look too?! I’ve been in a relationship for two years, so am not on the market anyway, but still worry that losing the hair will also mean losing my looks! I’ve recently opened up to my boyf about the hairpiece – and it turns out he figured it out from the start! – but he’s been very supportive and is encouraging me to go sly – but even with his support, it feels difficult.
For me, going sly is really an “all or nothing” scenario. There can be no going back. If I don’t like it, I can’t just let it grow back and put the hairpiece back on. Then, everyone would know! So, it really feels like taking a terrifying plunge.
I’ve posted a picture in the before and after gallery of what I look like with the system (awaiting approval). Hopefully I’ll soon be posting an after picture!
I’m sorry this has been such a long post, and if it feels like the "same old story" - but it feels good to get it out and share. I think maybe I just need a little support/ cajoling/ prodding/ maybe a sharp slap round the face.
Thanks for reading.
LondonGuy
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#1 by Mikekoz13 on 06 Sep, 2008 11:34
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Welcome to the Forum London! It will be tough for you at first because of your system. Hopefully some of the other brothers on here that had "systems" will let you know aboout the feeling of freedom they had upon abandoning that "thing".
Walk tall and proud WHEN you do decide to do it. YOU ARE NOT defined by your hair.......... I mean look how stunning I look in my avatar!
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#2 by slyinglide on 06 Sep, 2008 15:26
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Hey LondonGuy, welcome....and don't let mikekoz scare you with that Pic.........I have been sly for over 24 years, and I have not looked back with any regret since, but I did have a full head of long, beautiful hair in High School and for a couple of years after. Then like a thief in the night, my hair started to go away and I mean fast. It bummed me out going bald, but I did not dwell on it at all.
If someone were to ask you to describe yourself to them, and have you tell them your best qualities, would you even mention your hair?....Probably not, I hope, because your hair does not make you a better person in any way shape or form.
So you know what I would tell you.............Please, go down have the hair piece removed and shave the head. I know you will feel better about yourself and more confident. Just try it...the hair piece can be put back on in a couple of months.
There's a freedom in being SLY...............experience it. -
#3 by Robmeister on 06 Sep, 2008 17:43
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Welcome, L.G.
I believe people genuinely admire others who "just do it."
I forget who said it...."Do what you fear and the death of fear is inevitable"
Here's a harsh-sounding reality that has been tossed around here a bit.....
To the majority, you're not that important
(see my post here, 4th from the bottom)
http://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/index.php?topic=5653.msg103100#msg103100
Yeah, you'll get the "WHOAH, Dude" .... the "why?" ... the "C-O-O-O-O-L"
But, bottom line...they don't really care...they don't go home and lose sleep over your change in style.
Just do it...yeah it'll be scary...maybe terrifying....but that's a monster of your own thinking....
I can almost guarantee when you slay that fear...the liberation you'll experience will be exhilerating and profound...
Like Seinfeld once said, you'll be "like a BALD AGAIN."
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#4 by Brkeatr on 06 Sep, 2008 17:47
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Welcome to the Forum LondonGuy !!
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#5 by Mikekoz13 on 06 Sep, 2008 18:26
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Welcome, L.G.
I believe people genuinely admire others who "just do it."
I forget who said it...."Do what you fear and the death of fear is inevitable"
Here's a harsh-sounding reality that has been tossed around here a bit.....
To the majority, you're not that important
(see my post here, 4th from the bottom)
http://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/index.php?topic=5653.msg103100#msg103100
Yeah, you'll get the "WHOAH, Dude" .... the "why?" ... the "C-O-O-O-O-L"
But, bottom line...they don't really care...they don't go home and lose sleep over your change in style.
Just do it...yeah it'll be scary...maybe terrifying....but that's a monster of your own thinking....
I can almost guarantee when you slay that fear...the liberation you'll experience will be exhilerating and profound...
Like Seinfeld once said, you'll be "like a BALD AGAIN."
That Rob is a pretty smart guy for an old Rock 'N Roller!!! -
#6 by wpruitt on 06 Sep, 2008 19:04
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Welcome Londonguy ... Great city you come from. Let's face it. Your co-workers know you wear a "system". They know it's not hiding a headful of hair. See the line of thought.
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#7 by buuckkweet on 06 Sep, 2008 19:54
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Welcome LondonGuy!
In your case losing is actually gaining. Losing the hair system is really gaining liberation from discomfort caused by adhesives and letting your scalp breathe for a change.
I say have the hair system removed, let your scalp adjust for a few days, and then do the deed! Once you go Sly, I'm sure you will never want to put adhesive or sticky stuff on your head again!
Happy Birthday!
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#8 by OzPete on 06 Sep, 2008 22:19
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Welcome LondonGuy!
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#9 by Timmay on 06 Sep, 2008 23:14
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Welcome LondonGuy
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#10 by don on 06 Sep, 2008 23:15
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London Guy,we have so much in common.I wore a hairpiece for 25 years.3 years ago I got tired too and went without it gradually for only a few people.Then I got buzz cuts and I got to llike it and so did lots of others.But everyone did tell me I look good with or without the hairpiece.Little by little I went in front of more people as it's a long transition period.After all look how long I wore the piece.I'm gay also and it makes me feel good that your boyfriend was so accepting and supportive.Although there are still times now when I desire the piece.It's like smoking as even though people quit they still get that strong urge to smoke once in awhile.If people never wore a piece and just accepted baldness they don't know where we're coming from.
I must admit though that sometimes I get tired of being bald so I grow my hair out and wear the piece again.People know I wear one but I don't give a damm.I'm doing what's fun and comfortable for me not what others think I should be doing.After all do others do things to please you or themselves.I would say go with your gut feeling and do whatever makes you happy and comfortable.You're the only one you should please. Hope this helps.
P.S. There are still a few cousins I'm shy going bald in front of so I'll wear the piece. I guess I'm just versatile. -
#11 by DJ_Bald on 07 Sep, 2008 07:22
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Welcome LondonGuy. Going to work was a tough one for me too...When I shaved I was not wearing a piece, just balding and I dreaded the idea of going to work.
One day I just decided...its time. Enough trying to make my pitifully thin hair look good...it was time to "shine"
I'm certainly not Michael Jordan or Yul Brenner..or some other bald "icon" but I dont really care. I feel much better sly than I ever did with hair and you will too. If I could turn the clock back 10 years I wish I would have done this then instead of struggling daily with hair loss.
I know this is hard to hear but you can bet mostly everyone at your job knows you wear a piece. Some people find that really funny(while they themselves are probably fat, wear makeup, or lifts in their shoes)....but most dont care. But this isn't about them, its about you.
Free yourself and just do it...you will wonder why you didn't do it 13 years ago..really, you will.
When I trolled this board I never imagined myself shaving...I saw all these proud bald men and thought.."yeah they did it, but my situations different"...Guess what..its not. We all have to go to work, we all have family and friends to see...and we all are not totally sure the sly look will "suit" us. This next line is gospel...
"Everyone looks and FEELS better sly instead of balding a lot or wearing a piece...EVERYONE !"
Thats the truth man...know it, live it, love it !
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#12 by Paul on 07 Sep, 2008 07:26
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Great to have you with us LondonGuy
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#13 by drclean1969 on 07 Sep, 2008 11:30
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Here are some thoughts I have - I hope they help!
First of all, there is simply no cleaner, sharper look than being sly. Looks amazing with a suit or a shirt & tie - or a tux for that matter. Do not worry about not looking professional. Quite the contrary.
Also, you ask if gay men find the sly look attractive. As a gay man who has been sly for 10 years, I can say from experience "HELL YEAH!" When I shaved my head 10 years ago I immediately got a lot more attention from guys, and I've been keeping my head slick and shiny every day since. No more hair for me, I'm DONE. And my partner loves it.
And regarding the hair system issue, I have a gay friend who went sly in the past year. Some of us who know this guy know that he wore a system, and many others don't know. But we all agree that he looks far better with NO hair than he did with the fake hair. He's adorable - and he gets more attention now too. And as far as I know, none of us has even mentioned the hair system to him - we simply compliment him on how hot he looks now.
So I guess my suggestion to you would be to simply do what you want! And if you want to explain to people that you wore a system and got tired of the maintenance, you can - and people will totally understand. In my experience, total honesty is the simplest and most liberating approach. I told people when I shaved my head that I got tired of sporting my dad's hairloss pattern and that I had a bit of a baldness fetish, and everyone respected that.
So, scary as it may seem, I say do the deed, take it off, and make yourself happy! It's a shock, like diving into a pool, but you're gonna love it.
Let us know how it goes, and don't forget to post a pic!
Peace. -
#14 by buuckkweet on 07 Sep, 2008 11:55
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Welcome to SBG drclean1969!
The Sly look is definately you!
Post an introduction so the Bros can give you a proper welcome. We are looking forward to your shaving experience and wisdom!