I thought that I would be one of the early posters in this section as this is really where i see my issue with slyness at this point in time.
Sorry for repetetive posting on this subject, but essentially what I think makes me different to some people who post some of the more depressing posts on here (not all) is that I am determined to change my outlook. I am just finding it a somewhat painful process to go through. However I have found this place a huge resource in terms of getting to this point and i hope you dont mind me using you guys as a way of getting over the final hurdle.
Believe it or not, I like shaving my noggin, it feels great! Psychologically thought it is something i am having a deal of trouble dealing with. I go through periods of extreme satisfaction about the way i look, but always in the back of my mind is that tomorrow i may be just as unhappy as i was happy the day before. I need to break this cycle and find a day when negative feelings about my MPB dont enter my head. That is my goal - the problem is I am not quite sure how to get there!! I am not one of those people who had trouble coming to terms with balding, then shaved their head and saw the light. I still see myself as a balding man and a pretty unattractive one at that. I know it is irrational and I try and tell myself that all the time.
Anyway, there are some photos that make me cringe, here is one:
http://chrisandemma.myphotoalbum.com/view_photo.php?set_albumName=album02&id=IFI_Team_2I look at that and all my good work convincing myself that it is all ok goes down the drain, but then is it that it is just a bad photo I wonder? I just dont know lol. Ironically if you take a photo of me head on I think i look better now than when i had hair!!
The other thing that i eat myself up about a lot is not knowing how much hair you are ultimately going to lose? I have a fairly defined pattern of baldness in so much it has pretty much all gone from the top. I would love it if i knew it was going to stay like it is now for the forseeable future. Then i could come to terms with it and move on, but i have a problem with the uncertainty.
What really bothers me the most though is the wider impact of all this. I hate the fact that this makes me feel vain, i am not an inherrently vain person but have become nigh on obsessed with my appearance. But the biggest and most significant issue is the fact that invariably this has an impact upon other things. I have a great partner and an amazing albeit noisy daughter both of which I want to enjoy more than anything - I am desperate that my lack of confidence does not impact more widely but it is almost innevitable that it will eventually - hence i am determined to deal with it!!
Previously I would never have counted myself as 'Sly' as my attitude was not right, I was just down about things. I am still a bit down (well a lot sometimes) I wont lie, but what has changed is an absolute determination to do something about it and come to terms with myself.
I think I need help to do that though, and that is where i am a little stuck.
I hope you guys dont mind me posting like this again - I am certainly not of the world is against me, life is so cruel attitude, I am just going on a journey here which is much much tougher than i ever thought it would be!
I know that this will elicit the usual supportive comments and you guys are amazing for that, I have never met albeit cyberly such an amazing community of people who have supported such a vast number of guys and girls. I have also made some great friends here over the last couple of years and I dont want to lose any of that by not coming to terms with this damn thing!!
Your comments and suggestions would as always be appreciated and as I say I hope you dont mind another negative post.
Hope you are all well this Friday afternoon!