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New Guy here...feeling down by Mando on 11 Jul, 2008 10:09
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Hello everyone…new guy here. Just been spending some time reading the posts the last couple days, and it does make me feel better. My story may as well be every other one, but I would like to share it…
I come from a family with MPB and knew it was only a matter of time. At 20 or so, I started freaking out about it, and for the next few years, the obsession would come and go. Now that I look back on those years…my hair was perfectly fine, and truthfully wasn’t balding at all.
I am now 25, and in the last 6 months, it has gone south really fast. First, after a haircut, I noticed that the back was thinning out a bit. The front has been receding, which didn’t bother me too much, but when the back started to thin, I started worrying tremendously. Then came a couple comments here and there from friends and co-workers. Nothing mean spirited, but my fears were coming true. I found myself checking it more frequently, even taking pictures of the back of my head to see what it was looking like. I always had it in my mind, that when things got real bad, I would shave it down. I started wearing a hat all the time.
Well, last week I shaved it down to a #1 just before going out of town with a friend. At first, I didn’t mind it, but I was also out in the woods all weekend away from mirrors, and didn’t think about it. It did feel really good to not be worried about swimming, wind, etc. After coming back home, I started obsessing over it again. There are no spots that are completely bald, but I am thinning on top and I can clearly see the horseshoe pattern. I am depressed badly now. It is affecting me from the time I wake up until I fall asleep. I actually don’t mind the shaved close look, but I live a little ways from the hometown, and the thought of seeing people who haven’t seen me since this began is killing me. I am so sad and don’t know what to do. My confidence is shot.
Any advice, comments, anything would be appreciated. This site really is a help for me to read. But this problem has me so depressed. Thanks guys.
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#1 by Tyler on 11 Jul, 2008 10:39
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Shave it all the way! It's completely different than having it at a 1 and your horseshoe will be less noticeable. Though, I doubt any of your friends will notice it with a 1 anyways.
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#2 by Marz on 11 Jul, 2008 10:39
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Welcome Mando,
I think this happens to everyone with MPB when they realize they are in fact going to be bald on top. Kinda feel like you are getting the short end of the stick, aged before your time, etc. Happened to me when I was about your age too.
The fact is (and this is something that you must have read here already) your appearance is far more about how you carry yourself than your hair. That freaked out, paranoid, self consciousness reflects to others no matter how hard you try to hide it, the only remedy is to get over it and put all of that behind you. Many of us here did that by shaving our heads and rendering the issue of hair moot. Even if you dont think the clean shave look suits you, if it makes you feel better about your appearance it makes you look better. Guaranteed that the confidence you will reflect by not having to worry about how much or how little hair you have will reflect much more than any other solution.
Ask those that spent time covering it up with rugs and plugs, there was still that "what if the wind blows too much" and "What if they find out I wear a rug" that personifies in their appearance. You cant cover up a lack of confidence and self worth.
Give the clean shave a 30 day trial and see how it makes you feel... -
#3 by MagmaBabe on 11 Jul, 2008 11:23
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Hey Mando, welcome to the gang.
Sorry to hear you're not coping so well.. but with some more insight and help from these guys,
I'm sure things will take a turn for the better
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#4 by StumpyDave on 11 Jul, 2008 11:28
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There's a world of difference between #1 with a horseshoe (or very thin on top in my case) and completely sly. Go for it.
I was sure it was what I wanted to do as the hair I had did little to cover my scalp so I did it when I had a few days away from work and family. I was comfortable with it by the time I came back to the real world. I got a bit of stick but nothing that I couldn't handle.
You'll feel like you're taking control and have more confidence.
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#5 by Timmay on 11 Jul, 2008 11:31
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GO FOR IT! Easiest three words to say to someone. But seriously bro...shave it down..do the 30 day trial period...if you dont like it...grow it back...it will only take about 3 days to grow back to a #1. What you got to lose?
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#6 by DJ_Bald on 11 Jul, 2008 12:40
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Welcome Mando. You have a couple things going for you. you are 25 and now is a cool time to be bald. 15 years ago it SUCKED to be bald and
it generally was not really accepted.
Now I am saying...BALD.....not balding. If you can wear a "one" setting than you can shave it totally. You will find the thinness that you are upset about will be camoflauged when you shave it bald. Trust me...I cut my hair down to a one...looked at myself in a bright light and knew I had to go all the way.
There is a HUGE difference between a one and shaving.
Just do it...if you hate it, u can always hide in your house for 3 days and it will be back to a one.
Your hair is never coming back...minoxidil, propecia, transplants, rugs....none of that stuff works long term.
Take control and shave it off. Your 80 percent there already.
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#7 by Sgt. Pate on 11 Jul, 2008 14:14
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Attitude is everything... seriously!
Shave it off bro but not as in "I've been folically defeated" but as in "I'm choosing my appearance and it's damn good"!
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#8 by zzaapp on 14 Jul, 2008 08:29
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Welcome to the forum.
Don't worry too much about what other people MIGHT think or say. Most of us here had the same concerns at first, and, in the end, it turned out to be a non-issue. Some may comment out of surprise, and say something dumb, but most will not.
For the most part, people will accept it as a personal decision and not say a thing. Some may ask out of curiosity, and a polite response from you of , "I decided to try something different," is all you ever need to say.
The anxiety is all in the anticipation of reactions. The reality is much easier to face, because most people are not concerned about it.
check out the "nobody cared" thread in the "reactions" forum...
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#9 by The Zook on 14 Jul, 2008 08:36
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Sounds just like my story...
Might be worth a read
http://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/index.php?topic=6232.0
Short story; Just do it, it's an incredible feeling and you'll never look back... only regret will be not doing it sooner. I think especially for guys worried about appearance, that this is a great move when you start losing your hair. I remember when I noticed mine was worse than I thought (at 6'1 not many people see the top of my head, including myself). It was at the hair place getting a hair cut... after it was wet down I looked and thought, whoa! When did this happen!? Big balding area top dead center, plus the receding hairline... didn't make me feel too good that day. Wasn't a month later and I shaved it off, something I had thought about but didn't think I had the right shape head (a common worry, especially for white guys).
Anyway, I'm kind of rambling here but the bottom line from my point of view is to at least try it... I really think you'll love it. -
#10 by robo21 on 14 Jul, 2008 10:03
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I waited and waited before shaving it all off. After I did my only regret was wasting so much time thinking about it. Go ahead and give it a try. If you don't like it, it will grow back.
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#11 by Joe442 on 14 Jul, 2008 10:59
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My advice is that if you don't want to shave it all the way quite yet, take it down to a 0 gaurd....put some suscreen on and get a tan on the bean and just embrace the look my friend because it's going to be just fine! I wish I wouldn't have waited as long as I did to get it done! Hang in there!
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#12 by tomgallagher on 14 Jul, 2008 12:30
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Welcome to the group dude.
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#13 by wpruitt on 14 Jul, 2008 15:37
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Excellent advice from Joe. Well worth following
My advice is that if you don't want to shave it all the way quite yet, take it down to a 0 gaurd....put some suscreen on and get a tan on the bean and just embrace the look my friend because it's going to be just fine! I wish I wouldn't have waited as long as I did to get it done! Hang in there!
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#14 by dave523 on 14 Jul, 2008 16:26
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Hello everyone…new guy here. Just been spending some time reading the posts the last couple days, and it does make me feel better. My story may as well be every other one, but I would like to share it…
I come from a family with MPB and knew it was only a matter of time. At 20 or so, I started freaking out about it, and for the next few years, the obsession would come and go. Now that I look back on those years…my hair was perfectly fine, and truthfully wasn’t balding at all.
I am now 25, and in the last 6 months, it has gone south really fast. First, after a haircut, I noticed that the back was thinning out a bit. The front has been receding, which didn’t bother me too much, but when the back started to thin, I started worrying tremendously. Then came a couple comments here and there from friends and co-workers. Nothing mean spirited, but my fears were coming true. I found myself checking it more frequently, even taking pictures of the back of my head to see what it was looking like. I always had it in my mind, that when things got real bad, I would shave it down. I started wearing a hat all the time.
Well, last week I shaved it down to a #1 just before going out of town with a friend. At first, I didn’t mind it, but I was also out in the woods all weekend away from mirrors, and didn’t think about it. It did feel really good to not be worried about swimming, wind, etc. After coming back home, I started obsessing over it again. There are no spots that are completely bald, but I am thinning on top and I can clearly see the horseshoe pattern. I am depressed badly now. It is affecting me from the time I wake up until I fall asleep. I actually don’t mind the shaved close look, but I live a little ways from the hometown, and the thought of seeing people who haven’t seen me since this began is killing me. I am so sad and don’t know what to do. My confidence is shot.
Any advice, comments, anything would be appreciated. This site really is a help for me to read. But this problem has me so depressed. Thanks guys.
Hi Mando,
I completely understand what you are going through, having much difficulty with MPB myself. I have a question for you. If you see another guy that is balding, how do you perceive him? I might not be the best example because i am not handling it very well, but ik have never seen a guy with a buzzed or shaved head that struck me as looking bad. I actually think it lookes pretty good.
I think you should try to perceive yourself as others perceive you, namely just as Mando (probably not your real name). My best friend was starting to go bald when he was 21. He is sly since probably 23 yo. I am honoust when i say that i cannot remember him going through that fase, i just wasn't conscious of it all. I would probably be scared and slam the door when he would show up with hair at my doorstep.
Cheers,
Dave