Advice For Family Gathering Issue?

[andrew]

Every year, for the past 8 years, I've invited my sister and her family to our beach house for the 4th of July, for dinner and to view the fireworks put on by our community association.  Our place is really tiny, but works fine for our family of 3.  My sister lives in this town year-round, and we live about 2 hours away.

Every year this party has been alot of fun except last year.   My sister and brother in law (who couldn't be nicer) allow their 16-year daughter to walk all over them.  At the last minute, last year, my niece announced that she was bringing a few friends along.  She ended up having about 8 friends show up.  Luckily we had plenty of food, but these kids were rude to my daughter (a few years younger) and her friend, completely took over our deck, and crowded into our tiny house after the fireworks finished.  My daughter is saying she doesn't want to go if her cousin and friends are going this year.  My wife is still pissed off about last year and is making it clear she not entertaining those rude brats this year.

Now, with 4th of July a week away, I've not called my sister yet to plan this year's party.  I've thought about just telling my sister that they're invited, and Karen (my niece) is welcome to bring ONE FRIEND.    But, this is turning into such a hassle, I may just not invite them at all...

All advice would be greatly appreciated ....

Andrew

[don]

Honesty is the best policy.Just tell your sister the truth,that they were rude and disrespectful. I'm surprised she didn't notice it herself.It's your house and you have the right to invite {or not invite} anyone you want.Don't be a doormat for anybody.Hope this helps.

[GASlick]

I agree with don.  Just tell her the truth.  Invite her and the family but make it clear that only one friend can come.  I'm sure your sister noticed, maybe she was just embarassed by it.

[Jer]

Yeah, honesty is always best, so why not just invite them like usual, but tell them that your niece isn't invited unless she goes alone (or with boyfriend as couples are at least calmer without friends).

Better yet, call your niece and explain to her that they aren't invited unless she can promise to be respectful, polite and courteous to not only yourselves as hosts, but her parents as well.  Also that you are inviting the FAMILY, not all their friends hence the term 'Family Gathering'

Just some ideas that's all...

[skiking]

I think that not inviting your family would be a mistake, it sound like you have a good time.  Your sister should be reasonable enough to understand that the big bunch of your niece's friends causes more harm than good.  I think your plan sounds good.  It isn't your niece's party.

[Sgt. Pate]

I think (I know) I'd say "family only and NO guest".  Let the chips fall where they may.  I'm sure you're not the only one who remembers last year! 

[Paul]

I think (I know) I'd say "family only and NO guest".  Let the chips fall where they may.  I'm sure you're not the only one who remembers last year! 

Gotta agree with the Sarge on this one.   It's quite possible that the obnoxious behavior would not be present if the friends were not around.   And if you make it family only and if the neice pitches a fit and doesn't want to come that takes it out of your hands. 

[buddha]

I think (I know) I'd say "family only and NO guest".  Let the chips fall where they may.  I'm sure you're not the only one who remembers last year! 

Gotta agree with the Sarge on this one.   It's quite possible that the obnoxious behavior would not be present if the friends were not around.   And if you make it family only and if the neice pitches a fit and doesn't want to come that takes it out of your hands. 

Agree, agree, with both of you guys. You have to stick up for your family first. To me that means you wife and daughter. Since it is YOUR beach house you make the rules and your family shouldn't have to feel unwelcome in their own place. I like the Sarge's idea of "Famly Only". If anybody questions that tell them exactly why you have made that decision. It's not your fault that your sis and bro-in-law are doormats for the brat. The only way this kid is gonna start to see the error of her ways is if she starts being left out of stuff. So if she pitches a fit and says she would rather hang out with her friends, and her parents allow that behavior, so much the better.

[hammerdrill376]

Stick up for your family. Sounds like the sixteen year old in this case also needs to learn about respect and consideration for other people. (Maybe I am old school but teens today know little to nothing about this..then again thats a reflection of our society in general and how they are being raised.)

If your wife isn't happy about this better to just say no to the rest of the family outside of her and your daughter. This 4th weekend is the ONLY "this 4th weekend" you will ever have with them. You will have others in the future but not one like this so make it worth your familes while. I don't know how old your daughter is but mine is almost 17 and what I would not give to go back to alot of holidays, birthdays, etc. and do some things different. Trust me..they remember.

[andrew]

Thanks guys for all the great advice !!

This morning I called my sister, with a plan to tell her they're invited to our 4th of July party, and that my niece may bring 1 friend.  Then, my plan was to make a comment about how crazy it was last year.

Interestingly, upon inviting her, she mentioned that they're going to Philli to visit their son, who just moved there 2 months ago.   Whew...  what a relief.  We're going to invite some other friends now.

Thanks again,

Andrew