Tickets...

[Jer]

So you thought police officers didn't have a sense of humor....   

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey sh*t!."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

and the best one . .

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? ..... You're right, we don't. ... Sign here

[MagmaBabe]

lol I especially love the last one 

do you actually say these to people?

[Jer]

Well, the only ones I have actually said were #9 and #4.  I'm tempted after finding this though to use the rest of them.  I can't use #11 though cause speeding is one thing we can't do anything about, but all the others I can use at some point or another.  I'm wishing I had heard #1 before because there are SOOO many times I could have used that.

[PigPen]

#4 I think is a given

[StumpyDave]

A friend of mine who is a policeman in London claims to have had the following conversation after giving a ticket to someone parked in a bus lane:
White Van Man:  Why are doing this to me? Other people do it.
Friend:  Have you ever been fishing?
WVM:  Yeah, why?
Friend:  Did you catch them all?

[FR8TRAIN]

I love #8.

Thanks Jer.

[nomad]

those are awesome 

[frostillicus123]

I was pulled over once by an RCMP and was asked "do you know how fast you were going"

My response "If i get this right do i still get the ticket"

Officer's response Curtis your an @ss i'll call you when i'm off, (he was my buddy)

[PigPen]

I was pulled over once by an RCMP and was asked "do you know how fast you were going"

My response "If i get this right do i still get the ticket"

Officer's response Curtis your an @ss i'll call you when i'm off, (he was my buddy)

That's hilarious

[nicolasraage]

So you thought police officers didn't have a sense of humor....   

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey sh*t!."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

and the best one . .

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? ..... You're right, we don't. ... Sign here

Well, it's nice to see an officer with a sense of humor.  I told one that he looked just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriends nightstand, but he didn't laugh.