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The Drunk and the $20 dollar bill by Timmay on 29 Apr, 2008 09:32
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It was New Year's Eve ... by then, actually, it was very early on New Year's morning. The drunk staggered out of the men's room and wobbled his way to the bar.
"I, uh, lll..., I'll ha-have anudder. Maske itta dubble." The bartender looks him over and notices the vomit staining the front of the drunk's sharp looking suit. "Buddy, it looks to me like you've had quite enough. Why don't you call it a night and go home."
The drunk protests... "N-n-no! I ca-can't. My, my wife, you, you see... She gammie this new shoot for Chrishmash. Iff she seez what Ife done to it... She, she's gunna kill m-me. Juss gimmie a doubble..."
"Tell you what," the bartender says. "You got any 20 dollar bills on you?"
The drunk pulls out his wallet and thumbs through and replies... "Y-yeah, I got a few...." The bartender takes one of the twenties and stuffs it in the shirt pocket of the poor drunk. "There you go buddy. When your wife asks you what happened, you just tell here that you were innocently passing by the bar on your way home when some boozer staggers out, holds onto you, and barfs all over you. He then apologizes and shoves a twenty in your pocket so you can get the suit dry cleaned!"
"B-br-brilliant!", the drunk exclaims excitedly. "Thish jush might w-work!"
The drunk goes home and sure enough, his wife is waiting up for him, rolling pin in hand. "Look at you! You're a disgrace! Look at what you've done to your new suit!"
"N-no hunnybunsh," the drunk stammers... "Y-you see, I was juss passing by the b-ba-bar when this drunken sod stumbles out, b-ba-bar-barfs all over me, and then he shoved a twenty dollar bill in my pocket, he sez, so I, I can get my suit drykleened..."
The wife looks in the drunk's pocket and pulls out the money.
"Wait a minute..." the wife says, "there are TWO twenty dollar bills in your pocket."
The drunk reels, regroups, and explains... "Wha-wha... Well thass because after he puked on me, he ... he took a crap in my pants!"
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#1 by PBurke on 29 Apr, 2008 09:37
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that may be your best yet timmy. good one
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#2 by nomad on 29 Apr, 2008 09:54
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#3 by Paul on 29 Apr, 2008 14:04
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Good one there, Timmy,
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#4 by Tyler on 29 Apr, 2008 17:03
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LOL!!!!
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#5 by JDog on 29 Apr, 2008 17:53
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I've been there way too many times.
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#6 by Tyler on 29 Apr, 2008 20:58
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#7 by JDog on 29 Apr, 2008 21:02
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I've been there way too many times.
You crapped your pants?
:*))Havent crapped 'em yet but pissed 'em plenty o' times. I havent spewed in years. I dont drink enough to do that now!
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#8 by Timmay on 30 Apr, 2008 06:54
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OH NOW TYLER.....we all have crapped our pants one time or another...probabl more times than we want to admit...I havent crapped my pants in over 37 years though....I think i got it down pat..
Timmay -
#9 by Tyler on 01 May, 2008 22:23
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OH NOW TYLER.....we all have crapped our pants one time or another...probabl more times than we want to admit...I havent crapped my pants in over 37 years though....I think i got it down pat..
Timmay
I sharted once... -
#10 by Timmay on 01 May, 2008 22:29
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You ever prairie dog?