A stockbroker (Bob) decided, after becoming very wealthy on Wallstreet, to move back to his roots and retire in the Piney Woods of East Texas. Having always wanted to be a farmer / rancher, he decides to call on his new neighbors after settling in. After visiting with several of the locals he finally makes it to one of his desired destinations and visits with Old Man Mashburn. Old MM was one of the more successful chicken farmers in the area, and he gave Bob quite an education. Well Mr. Mashburn, says Bob (who was later doned as Bob-Bob, cause we already knew of Billy Bob and Bob Billy or Bob Bubba just didn't sound right) asks Old MM if he can buy a Hen and a Rooster from him to start up his chicken farm. Well, I reckon that'd be allright, say Old MM, but you need to know the correct name cause we don't call what you call a Hen a Hen, and we don't call what you call a Rooster a Rooster. What do you call em, asks Bob-Bob? We call what you call a Hen a Pullet, and we call what you call a Rooster a Cock - cause that's what they are. Ok, says Bob-Bob, well how about that fine Pullet over there and that stout looking Red Cock over there asks Bob-Bob. Well the Pullet is fine but, the only thing that Red Cock, which happens to be a Rhode Island Red Cock, is good for is a fryin' pan says Old MM. Why is that, asks Bob-Bob? We'll that Rhode Island Red Cock is the absolute horniest Cock I've ever dealt with and the reason he's in that cage by himself is to prevent him from destroying the flock of Pullets, says Old MM. Well, I like the looks of that Rhode Island Red Cock and Red is my wife's favorite color so, I think I'll take a chance on him. Fine by me but, don't say I didn't warn you says Old MM. After coming to terms, Bob-Bob puts his Rhode Island Red Cock in one arm and his Pullet in the other and heads back towards home. After coming to this second point of destination, he goes in to visit with Mr. Swain, who has various farms animals and equipment for sale. After briefly talking about his Pullet and Cock he'd just purchased from Old MM, Bob-Bob asks Mr. Swain if he might possibly have a Mule for sale. I reckon I do, says Mr. Swain, but we don't call what you call a Mule a Mule. Oh, what do you call em', asks Bob-Bob? We call em' an Ass, cause that's what they are. It just so happens that I do have an Ass for sale, and he's a fine one too but, being like most Asses, he has his stubborn side as well. But, if he gets a little feisty, all you have to do is scratch him between his ears and he'll get back to work. So, after coming to terms, Bob-Bob mounts his Ass and Mr. Swain hands the Pullet and Rhode Island Red Cock to him and they head back home. Bob-Bob is riding along when, sure enough, the Ass decides to get a little awnry and stops right in the middle of the road. Bob-Bob is kinda in a pickle cause he's got both hands full and can't reach the head of his Ass to scratch it between the ears. It just so happens that Mrs. Fiddlin, Bob-Bob's next door neighbor, was walkin' her Blue Healer - Diogy and she asked Bob-Bob if he needed some help? Well, if you'd be so kind as to give me a hand, would you Hold my Red Cock and Pullet while I scratch my Ass, then I'll certainly be on my way, says Bob-Bob. Sure nuff, she held his Cock and Pullet while he scratched his Ass, and actually had to do that several times before Bob-Bob made it all the way home.
Anxious to tell his wife of his first farm animals, Bob-Bob puts the Ass in a stall then puts the Cock and Pullet in a cage, and heads to the house calling his wife along the way. Betty, his wife, who was later doned Betty-Bob for no other reason than we didn't have a Betty-Bob, came swiftly from inside the house, having heard Bob-Bob in a state of excitement. Come see our first farm animals, says Bob-Bob. While beginning their walk back to the barn, Bob-Bob and Betty-Bob heard the awfullest comotion, cackling and screeching you could imagine. Upon entering the barn Bob-Bob & Betty-Bob were astonished to see feathers flying in the air and miniscule remains of the Pullet. Bob-Bob looks at the Cock, who was perched proudly on a neaby post, and declares "I'll show you". So, being a little stubborn and having plenty of money, Bob-Bob goes back to Old MM's farm and buys 20 more pullets. You're waisting your money, says Old MM. Well, I think I can tame this Cock or wear em out anyway, says Bob-Bob. So Bob-Bob puts the 20 Pullets in the pen with the Cock and goes in for supper. Sure nuff', while spoonin' down some black-eyed peas, Bob-Bob hears an awful comotion comin' from the barn. Figurin the Red Cock probably got to 3 or 4 of the Pullets than wore himself out, Bob-Bob finishes his supper then heads to the barn. Oh my gosh!, declares Bob-Bob, what a mess. All 20 Pullets were torn to pieces with the barn filled with feathers and blood strewn everywhere. Once again he looks to find the Red Cock perched on a post wearin' a proud grin on his face. I'll show you, you Fowl Feathered Fornicator, declares Bob-Bob. So Bob-Bob visits Old MM, once again, to buy 200 Pullets. You're waistin' your time and money, declares Old MM, you'd be better off goin' ahead and puttin your Red Cock in a skillet and fryin' em up for dinner some time. I'm determined to tame that Cock, says Bob-Bob. Well, if'n your minds made up, be my guest says Old MM. Bob-Bob returns home and puts all 200 Pullets in the fenced in barn yard confident he'll tame his Red Cock. Being exhausted from the move Bob-Bob and Betty-Bob slept through the night. Waking the next morning, Bob-Bob says his plan must have worked as he was not waken one time during the night from any comitions. Racing on to the back porch, Bob-Bob is dismayed to see feathers, blood, gizzards, livers, and Pullet Parts everywhere as every last one of his 200 Pullets appears to have been destroyed by that Fornicatin' Rhode Island Red Cock of his. However, in the midst of the Pullet Parts, Bob-Bob notices the talons and beak of his over sexed Red Cock pointing upwards, as the Red Cock remained motionless. Bob-Bob assumes his plan has worked, even if to only show the Bird he was not to be outdone. Upon reaching the Red Cock Bob-Bob declares " I told you, you Red Cock you, I told you I'd show you". The Red Cock, having been playin' possum, rose slightly, winked and pointed to the skies. Bob-bob, being stuned, looked to the skies. To his astonishment, he saw about 100 Buzzards circling above.
That night Bob-Bob & Betty-Bob had the pleasure of Fried Rhode Island Red Cock for dinner!
Moral of this story: None
