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#15 by SonOfKrypton on 23 Feb, 2008 18:35
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Sounds like a guy that I work with. One of the wittiest and sharpest that you will ever meet. One of his best is:
"Would you believe me if I told you that I am a liar"?
Omg that's great....I would answer "Dude, what the f**k. How do I even answer that?" -
#16 by Alexander215 on 23 Feb, 2008 21:43
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"And we're off to the races like a herd of turtles"- my dad
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#17 by Tyler on 24 Feb, 2008 23:16
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Sounds like a guy that I work with. One of the wittiest and sharpest that you will ever meet. One of his best is:
"Would you believe me if I told you that I am a liar"?
Omg that's great....I would answer "Dude, what the f**k. How do I even answer that?"
I know!
That's like telling someone "I'm a compulsive liar." -
#18 by PigPen on 25 Feb, 2008 10:09
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My boss will ask "You mowin what I'm growin?" "Smellin what I'm steppin in?"
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#19 by Mikekoz13 on 27 Feb, 2008 10:29
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Talk of condoms in another thread reminded me that in my younger days I used to often say this;
If man were meant to wear condoms, he would have been born with a rubber di*k.
As a disclaimer: this was many years ago. Long before all the nasty things that are out there now.
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#20 by ice4life on 27 Feb, 2008 10:38
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Last summer, while I still lived in massachusetts, I was hangin out with my brother-in-law on a HOT and HUMID day.. I said "DAMMIT ITS HOTT! and Ron replied "I know man. It's hotter than fish grease!" I wasn't too sure how hot "fish grease" is, so I asked him.... He said, "I don't know, but it's pretty damn hott!"
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#21 by ice4life on 27 Feb, 2008 10:45
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OH yeah, on another hot day he also said "man DJ, I'm sweatin' like Harriet Tubman in the underground railroad"
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#22 by ice4life on 27 Feb, 2008 10:51
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Talk of condoms in another thread reminded me that in my younger days I used to often say this;
If man were meant to wear condoms, he would have been born with a rubber di*k.
As a disclaimer: this was many years ago. Long before all the nasty things that are out there now.
Were you referring to me sayin carryin a gun is like carryin condoms? -
#23 by GASlick on 27 Feb, 2008 11:32
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"As jumpy as a virgin at a prison rodeo" I had a girlfriend that used to say that when she got nervous.
My personal favorite is "I'm not as think as you drunk I am". We in the south are full of colorful sayings.
"He ain't the sharpest cheddar in the macaroni recipe"
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#24 by PigPen on 27 Feb, 2008 13:31
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Nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rockin' chairs
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#25 by Sooner Steve on 27 Feb, 2008 15:17
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A buddy of mine used to say "She reminds me of a camel - she's got her humps in the right place" when he saw a hottie.
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#26 by Tyro on 27 Feb, 2008 15:43
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I have a boss who's last name is Stengle. He's a cool guy and has some pretty funny sayings that we affectionately call "Stenglisms."
There really are Stengelisms..... by the late great Casey Stengel.
~Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in.
~Don't cut my throat, I may want to do that later myself.
~Don't drink in the hotel bar, that's where I do my drinking.
~I came in here and a fella asked me to have a drink. I said I don't drink. Then another fella said hear you and Joe DiMaggio aren't speaking and I said I'll take that drink.
~I don't know if he throws a spitball but he sure spits on the ball.
~I don't like them fellas who drive in two runs and let in three.
~I feel greatly honored to have a ballpark named after me, especially since I've been thrown out of so many.
~I got players with bad watches - they can't tell midnight from noon.
~It's wonderful to meet so many friends that I didn't used to like.
~Never make predictions, especially about the future.
~No baseball pitcher would be worth a darn without a catcher who could handle the hot fastball.
~Now there's three things that can happen in a ballgame: you can win, you can lose, or it can rain.
~Now there's three things you can do in a baseball game: You can win or you can lose or it can rain.
~Oldtimers, weekends, and airplane landings are alike. If you can walk away from them, they're successful.
~The trick is growing up without growing old.
~The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game. It's that they stay out all night looking for it.
~The trouble with women umpires is that I couldn't argue with one. I'd put my arms around her and give her a little kiss.
~There are three things you can do in a baseball game. You can win, or you can lose, or it can rain.
~There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had plenty of them.
~They say some of my stars drink whiskey, but I have found that ones who drink milkshakes don't win many ball games.
~They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that?
~They told me my services were no longer desired because they wanted to put in a youth program as an advance way of keeping the club going. I'll never make the mistake of being seventy again.
~When you are younger you get blamed for crimes you never committed and when you're older you begin to get credit for virtues you never possessed. It evens itself out.
~Without losers, where would the winners be?
~You gotta learn that if you don't get it by midnight, chances are you ain't gonna get it, and if you do, it ain't worth it.
~You have to go broke three times to learn how to make a living.
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#27 by PBurke on 28 Feb, 2008 13:12
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Busier than a cat trying to cover crap on concrete!
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#28 by schro on 28 Feb, 2008 13:28
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My boss will ask "You mowin what I'm growin?" "Smellin what I'm steppin in?"
To follow these...
You picking up what I'm leaving?
You smelling what I'm cooking?
You drinking what I'm pouring?