Found this at
http://www.esquire.com/foodanddrink/database/frame_main6.html so I though I'd share with everyone...
1 - There is no such thing as a chocolate martini
2 - There is no shame in club soda and cranberry juice
3 - Visiting the pub will be cheaper in the long run if you tip the bartender regularly and more generously than is necessary
4 - Never order a frozen drink in a place that serves pickled eggs
5 - Actually, never order a frozen drink
6 - It's also not a bad idea to eschew the pickled pigs' feet, although their presence is fairly strong evidence that you've accidentally stumbled upon a real tavern.
7 - For the sake of the children, leave the pistol at home
8 - Grappa is to lighter fluid as ouzo is to lighter fluid
9 - Garnish matters
10 - Despite a high ratio of female clientele, an insouciant way with fried mozzarella, and their prevalence in resort towns, establishments where a waitress pours shots into your mouth from a bottle she holsters in a bandolier are fraught with peril
11 - When throwing a party, break the seals on all liquor bottles, lest guests should hesitate to open them and come to doubt your hospitality
12 - Better yet: Hire a bartender
13 - At the holiday office party, consume one drink less than your boss
14 - Adopt a favorite cocktail on a seasonal basis
15 - ThatÂ
sangria means "bloodletting" is more a cautionary note than a simple fact
16 - Drinks that give you bad breath: beer, anything sweet, anything with milk
17 - Drinks that give you good breath: gin and tonic, gimlet, vodka and cranberry, anything with citrus
18 - Instead of ordering a shot of After Shock to cap off the evening, one could just walk calmly into the street, lie down, and wait
19 - Hungarian proverb: If three men tell you that your are drunk, lie down
20 - Every man should know how to make at least one drink from a foreign country, preferably one taught to him by a local female with whom he has had a complicated, unresolved, and quite possibly dangerous dalliance
21 - Citrus cocktails benefit greatly from rubbing lemon peel around the rim of the glass
22 - Jack Daniel's. Rocks
23 - Fresh orange juice. Fresh lemon juice. Fresh lime juice
24 - On those chrome, hourglass-shaped bar measuring cups, the big side is the jigger. The little side is the pony. Never use the pony
25 - If you must: single-malt Scotch in a brandy snifter with a splash of water
26 - Avoid bars that use plastic cups, bars whose bathrooms consist solely of a trough-style urinal, bars with chicken wire protecting the band, bars where Patrick Swayze is the bouncer
27 - There is rarely any genuine need to shout "Skal!" "Na zdorovye!" "Slainte!" "Bottoms up!" or "Down the hatch!"
28 - No one but the bouncer cares how tough you are, and he already knows you're not that tough
29 - Drinking is not a competitive sport
30 - Never drink in a place that calls itself an eatery
31 - There is no upside to karaoke
32 - There is an ever-so-slight upside to a wet-T-shirt contest, as long as you're not in it
33 - It is not necessary to request premium liquor for a mixed drink in which you cannot taste it, such as a gimlet or sour
34 - On the other hand, ascertain exactly how nonpremium the "well" liquor is before you opt against the good stuff
35 - Sitting at the bar works only for two people. Three or more requires a table
36 - Never utter the words
I and
love and you if you've had more than three drinks
37 - If you're a lightweight, make that one drink
38 - If a bartender makes you flail your arms or beg for service, well, obviously, leave
39 - Don't call the bartender Barkeep, Chief, Buddy, or Ace, unless his actual name, in fact, is Barkeep, Chief, Buddy, or Ace
40 - Even if you have ascertained your bartender's name, behaving overly familiar with him will be seen as a pathetic gambit for free drinks or, worse, proof that you have nobody to go to for affection other than a random service-industry professional who does not, in fact, know you and just wants your money
41 - The one foolproof hangover cure: Don't get drunk
42 - Once you've fallen off a stool, there is little you can say to the bartender that will change his mind about asking you to leave
43 - There is nothing cheeky and clever you can say to a female bartender that she hasn't already heard from some other schmuck before you
44 - Don't eat the worm
45 - If you don't smoke and you're in a bar, don't complain about other people who happen to be smoking, because, virtuous friend, you are in a bar
46 - Instead of trying to remember whether it's "beer before liquor" or the other way around, just be an adult and stick to one or the other
47 - Acceptable drinks for men: beer, wine, whiskey, cocktails that are neither sweet nor made with dairy or fruit other than lime or lemon or orange
48 - Acceptable drinks for women: whatever they want, except a certain few
49 - A certain few: the grasshopper, the Long Island iced tea, the pink lady, and any variety of spritzer
50 - Also unacceptable: drinks whose names mimic critical medical conditions or copulative acts and their secretions
51 - And while we're on the subject, drinks that are named after supposedly cute body parts, like navels, which are actually disgusting repositories for sebaceous grime: No
52 - All of that said, never question a woman's drink choice
53 - If you're the first in the group to arrive and you start a tab on your card, you deserve exactly what's coming to you
54 - Unless you are lounging on the Promenade Deck, do not drink from a fruit
55 - Almost never have more than three cocktails
56 - Never order a cocktail with more than four ingredients
57 - If it doesn't have vermouth, it's not a Martini. If what you really want is iced gin (or vodka) straight up, order it that way
58 - Grain alcohol and purple Kool-Aid do not a punch make
59 - Pick up your drinks
before moving the table
60 - Despite its name, a cocktail should contain no chicken parts
61 - Single-malt Scotch and soda: there oughtta be a law
62 - A lime yields about an ounce of juice, a lemon a little more
63 - Two singles are better than one double
64 - Ice. Lots and lots of ice
65 - Shun novelty. Suspect innovation
66 - If you strain your citrus juice, everything will be easier to clean
67 - Measure, measure, measure
68 - Betty Crocker Moment #361: 2 tablespoons = 1 ounce; 3 teaspoons = 1
69 - When all else fails, have a Martini
70 - The perfect Martini: There is no such thing as the perfect Martini. Make it the way it tastes best to you
71 - Provided that you remember that there is no such thing as a chocolate Martini
