Go Down
-
Why do family and friends hate my slyness? by outsider82 on 14 Jan, 2008 01:24
-
I wanna ask fellow sly guys this, Why do family hate my slyness?
I'll tell you a quick story of how things have been till now since going sly.
The first time my parents saw me was at my Mother's birthday party. Needless to say they were shocked. My Dad the hypocrit had the nerve to tell me that my hair was "too short!". My mum joined in on similarly on the rants. My dad shouldn't even comment in my opinion since he has MPB and is pretty much bald too. He doesn't shave his head but he at least buzzes it to a number 1.
Ever since then, i've been a whimp and every time I have to see my parents i don't shave for three or four days so it has some growth on it. I am pretty much sick of having to please them, but don't have the heart to disappoint them.
This weekend my brother and his girlfriend told me that i should have hair. He initally said it looks great on me.
All in all, I like being sly, I think it looks great on me and on fellow sly bros.
Any words of encouragement for a sly guy that is feeling disappointed by my family and friends reaction?
Out -
#1 by outsider82 on 14 Jan, 2008 02:03
-
I'll make a slight correction.
My best friend and flat mate told me this weekend that he likes my head when its not so shiny, like a freshly shaven dome.
I've only had one or two you look better with Hair comments. Its been mainly my immediate family that has expressed disapproval.
Out -
#2 by JDog on 14 Jan, 2008 05:11
-
Welcome back to the forum Out.
As far as your parents and your brother not totally digging your bald dome, All I can say is to continue with it and eventually they will see how much it makes you happy and they will come to accept it and even like it too.
It can be quite a shock for your family to know you for years with hair and then they see you with no hair.
I went through a same situation with my wife and a few friends and they cannot imagine me with hair now.
Best of Luck mate. -
#3 by GASlick on 14 Jan, 2008 06:59
-
My wife wasn't real sure about my slyness at first either. Now she loves it. Just give it some time.
My parents aren't real keen on it, but they are kind of used to me doing my own thing, so they just accept it and move on. A few relatives have joked about it, but I'm happy so who really cares. Being Sly is more than just shaving your head, its an attitude. Not a bad one, just a specific one. It shows self confidence and a willingness not to just "go along" with everything.
Hang in there and they'll come around.
-
#4 by Timmay on 14 Jan, 2008 07:36
-
Hey outsider....do something for me. Place your parents and brother to the side for a moment. Now, how do you feel with a shaved dome? Feels great doesnt it. Just imagine for a moment that you arent going be seeing your parents or brother for some time...Feels AWESOME now doesnt it. The first and foremost thing you have to worry about is YOU!, not what your parents or brother has to say about it. Yes maybe their comments do sorta hurt you and are against you, but the longer you remain sly and smooth, the more confidence you will build up and those comments that are darted at you will only become easier to deal with. I was the same way. Confidence doesnt come immediately with shaving. Confidence comes with time. The more time you spend keeping your dome shaved the easier it will get. I find it hard to believe that your parents and brother love you any less for shaving your head. Its called unconditional love, something all parents should have, but I know a few who dont. You seem to be pretty young in age, maybe it is just that your parents are having a hard time to adjusting that they no longer have a say so in what you do. My mom on one had has only made one comment, it was...YOU NEED TO GROW YOUR HAIR BACK and then she gave me that look of....AND YOU KNOW I MEAN IT!. Well my response to her was Mom I still love you and I aint changing it...if and when i do decide to grow it back....believe me you will be the first to know. I will take what you said into consideration but until then....this is hte way it is going to be so there is no use in trying to convience any differently. So the subject is closed until then. Never has she mentioned it to me again. Hang in there bro....we are here for you if you need any other advice...Good Luck!
-
#5 by RodgerDodger on 14 Jan, 2008 09:15
-
I wanna ask fellow sly guys this, Why do family hate my slyness?
Little bro, welcome back to the forum. I chatted with you during the summer at Jeff's Board, just before you took the plunge.
All in all, I like being sly, I think it looks great on me. Any words of encouragement for a sly guy that is feeling disappointed by my family and friends reaction?
Out
You've got the right idea. If someone disapproves of your SLY-ness, tell them just what you've said, that "I like being sly and I think it looks great on me".
You have only one life to live. Don't let others dictate your life. Who cares what others think. As long as you're not hurting them you've got to do whatever it takes to make you happy.
Rodger, Over and Out!
-
#6 by Marz on 14 Jan, 2008 09:35
-
Your family should be happy that you are happy.
Often change is hard to accept for people. Once they get used to it and see that its staying, they will come around. -
#7 by D.A.L.U.I. on 14 Jan, 2008 10:00
-
I can relate to this from a family response side, as well as time spent sly--I'm in my fourth month sly, just over five months since buzzing. You probably get a lot of good comments, or got by now, from people at work etc., but those closest, not family are a mixed bag, mostly positive, w/ family dragging up the rear complaining like hell.
My only explanation would be that the family is still looking at you from a memory perspective, and they are having a hard time taking the shock that they had been ignoring the thinning, the hole, receding hairline etc. Now, they're in "mourning." Well, for my part for what it's worth, sly is the future and they'd better get used to it and find something else to b_tch about, this ain't changing absent a miracle reversal of MPB with glorious, not-grey, easy to manage hair. I've accepted that's not going to happen and they'd better.
-
#8 by BALDANDRE on 14 Jan, 2008 11:03
-
Hang in there bro...
i would just take one of those perfect times to at least talk to your folks (since they're the one's you want the "ok" nod from)...and tell them it may really sound silly to them, but having a slick bald head is really a great, confidence boosting thing to you...and tell them you know it's hard for them to understand...
but it makes you happy and you just want them to take you at face value and support your "haircut" choice....heck would everyone be on your mum if she had a short than normal "do"?
Like the bros and myself always say...just shave it clean daily dude...never let anyone see stubble...then THEY have only one choice of "outsider" to choose from...
the bald, very sly version!
Hang in there bro and keep your head shinin'! -
#9 by 440satellite on 14 Jan, 2008 17:21
-
I've thought about this from more angles than just shaving the dome in '07. I bought a bike last year even though the folks hate all motorcycles. I rationally discussed it with them, after the purchase
, and said "I'm 35 and figured I'd just get one since I've always wanted it." (Of course the safety course was under my belt too because I'm not totally stupid) It's funny, after that they treated me the same but different. Like that bike stored in the shed finally forced them to see me as an independant man and not their little boy anymore.
Saintc touched on it. Your shaving is forcing them into seeing you more as an individual and more adult. In their minds eye you will always be their little boy, brother or whatever who looks exactly the same as you did when you were 5. No one likes to admit they are getting old, and when someone close to you forces you to realize that you are aging through a "drastic" change you naturally fight it. I know I'm still 23 in my mind but the body claims 80 some days
-
#10 by WannaBePadre on 14 Jan, 2008 18:09
-
Outsider, I've gotta tell ya ... some people ... especially relatives.
When I first went Sly was at university in '05. Nobody there knew me with hair. When I went home, I'd grow it out, too ... to avoid conflict. Whenever it was growing out, people would ask me why I was doing that.
When I graduated, I grew it out all summer, and started seminary.
After a year non-sly, I shaved it for the summer. People who knew me during the summer noticed me growing it out at the end of the summer (in preparation for seminary in the fall) and asked me why I was doing that (i.e. growing it out.)
I finally said, enough! And have kept the sly look since.
People who know me sly like me sly ... people who knew me with hair, like hair.
What do I like? Sly. Hands down.
Like everybody's said, bro -- you've gotta do what you've gotta do, and be who you wanna be. -
#11 by outsider82 on 14 Jan, 2008 18:47
-
Thank you guys so much for you words of encouragement, they mean alot. It's just tough sometimes with their opinons.
I made a promise to myself that would shave it everyday from New Years Eve onwards. Since then i've only let it grow for three or four days before it promptly went back to shiny. (that was partially due to sunburn, OUCH!, and my parents needing me to take them to the airport for a holiday).
I was talking to a friend about this whole situation, and the outcome of the discussion was that i need to learn to say "F*** IT!" sometimes. I'm quite sick of wanting to please everyone when I really want to please myself not them. Just hard to get out of that mind set.
One thing I have noticed in myself is i feel so much better once i've had a shave. I'm not sure of how to discribe it but most would agree with what I mean.
A good positive of all this is that my technique for head shaving is improving immensly, I rarely cut myself anymore. Trying to get the time taken down to a couple of minutes but so far it sits at 10mins. The post-shave burn is something also am working on.
Out
-
#12 by Razor X on 14 Jan, 2008 18:57
-
I think our families just get used to seeing us a certain way and the change is hard for them to handle. My mom was the same way. I never thought she'd shut up about it, but eventually she did. And if she did, anybody will.
Occasionally if I see her on a weekend when I haven't shaved, she'll make a comment like "Your hair looks good that way" but that's about the extent of her comments these days.
I know exactly what you're going through. All I can say is stick to your guns. Once they know that they can't cajole you into growing your hair back, they'll give up trying. It may be hard to deal with until then, but it is well worth persevering through. -
#13 by WannaBePadre on 14 Jan, 2008 20:18
-
Occasionally if I see her on a weekend when I haven't shaved, she'll make a comment like "Your hair looks good that way" but that's about the extent of her comments these days.
Amen!
RazorX, that could be my mom!! -
#14 by Timmay on 14 Jan, 2008 20:57
-
Hey outsider....dont worry about speeding up your shaving process right now.....focus on what makes you feel good. The speediness and dealing with razor burn will come later. Just get in the mid set that this is what YOU want to do, Not what I want you to do or what ANYONE ELSE in here wants you to do. We are just here supporting you because you have shown an interest in becoming a full time Sly Bro. We will support you in either way.......but its natural for us to push for you to go all the way bro. YOu are experiencing the good reasons already. So why not make it permenant?
