RULES of INDIANA

• RULES of INDIANA by Timmay on 10 Jan, 2008 06:56
• THE RULES OF RURAL INDIANA ARE AS FOLLOWS:
  
  Listen up City Slickers !
  
  
  
  1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
  
  
  2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
  
  
  3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "dirt road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
  
  
  4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Rt. 70 goes east and west, I-65 goes north and south. Pick one.
  
  
  5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
  
  
  6. So every person in southern Indiana waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
  
  
  7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
  
  
  8. Yeah, we eat tater & gravy, beans & cornbread. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
  
  
  9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
  
  
  10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
  
  
  11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
  
  
  12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
  
  
  13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
  
  
  14. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
  
  
  15. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
  
  
  16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
  
  
  17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
  
  
  18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
  
  
  19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.
  
  20. 4 inches isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska, worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will have you out the next day.
  
  A true Hoosier will send this on!!!
• #1 by Paul on 10 Jan, 2008 07:10
• Awesome Timm, exactly why I live out in the country.  Sounds like the U.P. of Michigan too.  A place where people wave at every car that goes by, always there to offer a helping hand (if you ask for it) where free thinking and independent spiirit is cherished, and people ALWAYS remove their hats and placed their hands over their hearts for a passing flag or for the national anthem.  NEVER get me to live anywhere near a city. 
• #2 by Timmay on 10 Jan, 2008 07:32
• I can relate to taht too...being in the funeral business.....SO many times do i see people trying to pass...or they are going the opposite direction and they are stopped..but at the same time you can read their lips bitching....everyone seems to be in a damn hurry anymore.  Take 2 minutes out of your driving time and show some damn respect. 
• #3 by JDog on 11 Jan, 2008 01:53
• Tim, sounds like rural Ohio and rural Indiana have quite a lot in common when it comes to etiquette and life. I would love to implement a lot of those rules to these yuppity Sydney city latte set people.
  
  Ones where if you took them to show them how their 60.00 Wagyu beef steak is prepared, they'd probably change their tune about a lot of things.
• #4 by frostillicus123 on 11 Jan, 2008 21:52
• that's like all of nova scotia except halifax
• #5 by Scott on 12 Jan, 2008 23:04
• Good list of rules Tim... sounds similar to the ones I grew up following... except in Kentucky - no Kentucky jokes - don't wanna hear 'em