DO YOU FART IN BED?
THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED
FOR YEARS.
THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING
LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE.
THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL
WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.
EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD
PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK.
HE TOLD
HER HE COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL.
SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A
DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.
THE YEARS WENT
BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT.
THEN ONE THANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS
PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT
THE INNARDS AND NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS AND A MALICIOUS
THOUGHT CAME TO HER.SHE TOOK TH E BOWL AND WENT UP ST AIRS WHERE HER HUSBA ND WAS
SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE
ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS
SHORTS.
SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING
WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOTSTEPS
AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM.
THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE
ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHI NG, TEARS IN HER EYES!AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE
RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD.
ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER
HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON
HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT THE MATTER WAS.HE SAID, 'HONEY
YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'.'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE.'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I
WOULD END UP FARTING MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.'
BUT BY THE GRAC E OF GOD, SOME VASELINE A ND TWO FINGERS. I T HINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN
