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What to do? by speedracer on 03 Nov, 2007 03:03
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Hi everyone.
As a recently (one year) divorced balding man (32) out on the dating scene, I've had nothing but problems. I was hoping for some advice. I usually stay buzzcut, but I tried shaving completely a week ago. While I found it sorta liberating, I looked like an idiot. My ears really stick out, and I'm just generally unattractive I guess. By my dating success, I'd have a hard time finding fault with that logic. I do the online thing, since I don't drink, and bars are usless for me as alcohol and I have issues. Once I show up on a date the demeanor of the women change dramatically at first sight. I'm buzzcut in my online profile and state my haircolor as black. I get few responses from like women so I've only been out on about 5 dates. Every single one of them tanked based on my appearance. Two were attractive, two overweight, and one only had one hand. They all really dug my personality, but well... it is what it is I guess. No prospects... nothing. Since all this, I don't even want to go outside anymore. Much less hang out with friends who have wives, girlfriends, etc... Hell I can't even stand to see my sisters who wonder why I appear upset sometimes because I feel so lonely, it's embarrassing. Should I shave anyway?
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#1 by Tyler on 03 Nov, 2007 03:14
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Hey bro, if you're balding, I think you should shave. Though, it would be hard to tell without seeing a picture of you. The main thing is to get your confidence up. Regardless of how good you look, your confidence is going to be the key in you meeting and attracting women. If you think you're ugly, women will think you're ugly. You have to think that you're the sh*t.
Remember that dating is like sales - it's a numbers game. The more successful pitches that you make the more likely that you'll book a sale.
P.S. Welcome to Sly Bald Guys! -
#2 by speedracer on 03 Nov, 2007 03:25
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Hey bro, if you're balding, I think you should shave. Though, it would be hard to tell without seeing a picture of you. The main thing is to get your confidence up. Regardless of how good you look, your confidence is going to be the key in you meeting and attracting women. If you think you're ugly, women will think you're ugly. You have to think that you're the sh*t.
Remember that dating is like sales - it's a numbers game. The more successful pitches that you make the more likely that you'll book a sale.
P.S. Welcome to Sly Bald Guys!
Pic is up. That is my usual. Thanks for the welcome. -
#3 by Rulon on 03 Nov, 2007 04:21
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Hey man i think you should shave it and if you if you don't care for it grow it back....but you should try and keep it shaved for a month to get a good feel for it. I agree with Tyler about the confidence. Ever since i shaved my head my confidence has gone up and i never thought shaving my head could do that. I was one of those people that look like crap with hair i and knew it everyday and it sucked knowing i looked bad. So take the dive and shave it off is my vote
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#4 by Paul on 03 Nov, 2007 06:00
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First off, welcome Speedracer, great to have you here. Tyler and Rulon have it right bro, dating is all about the confidence. If you read up on various threads you will see that a great many guys were in your place and that their confidence soared after taking the leap. If things aren't working for you now, then at least try the sly for a month or so, you can always grow it back. And don't be so critical of yourself. We all have flaws and because they are OURS, they seem bigger to us than to others. A slick and shiny dome will draw far more attention to your eyes and face anyway. Go for it man, give yourself a chance.
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#5 by SLYinKC on 03 Nov, 2007 06:42
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Welcome, Speedracer. Glad to have you on the forum. I think you ought to give the shaving a little more time. It can be a boost to your self confidence in addition to the liberating feeling. So, why not just give it 30 days and experiment with various facial hair looks and just see what happens. I'll bet you'll be surprised at the result. Like Tyler said...It's all in the confidence. Go for it Bro.
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#6 by andrew on 03 Nov, 2007 07:35
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Welcome Speedracer ... The other guys have already given you some great advice.
Consider shaving your head again and going with a goatee or soul patch, instead of the full beard. Give it 30 days and/or 10 dates before deciding against it.
Sounds like you have a great personality and that's more important than anything. Project your confidence when meeting new prospective women. That will go further than any hair style.
I'm willing to bet that out of the 10 dates, you'll meet 1 that you end up dating further ... -
#7 by champ007 on 03 Nov, 2007 08:43
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Welcome Speedracer.
I don't see where the troll is in your avatar.
Anyway, you being recently divorced I can see where some of the feelings are coming from. You probably still have a trace of the rejection feeling just from the divorce that happened almost a year ago, its no that uncommon bro. Listen, first drop the online dating thing, you might get lucky but you need to get that face to face meetings down. Just conversations, get use to speaking and not stumbling. You don't have to go to bars, walk around your local wally world and if you see a hot chick or any chick checking something out, go check something next to her and start up a convo about what she is looking at. Book stores are also a good place. Once you get use to BSing again, it will get easier.
I also think you need to talk to your sisters, let them know whats going on. They know alot more non-bar places to meet women than you do, and could know a few people to set you up with.
It gets easier, but you have to get out of the house to meet people!! -
#8 by WannaBePadre on 03 Nov, 2007 09:17
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Hey SpeedRacer,
Welcome to the family.
Dating is a pain late in life. And I've heard all sorts of odd stories about online dating.
Maybe taking a night class in something you've always wanted to do might help to find new faces to mingle with. Or else volunteer work, an exercise class or gym, or [don't shoot me] church/ synagogue/ temple/ mosque/ meditation hall. -
#9 by BALDANDRE on 03 Nov, 2007 10:23
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Dude..first off from a guy's perspective you look just like all of us, not a troll or hideous...
"Dating" sucks...especially if it's not casual..if it's a quest...that's pressure and you're already setting yourself up..
Tyler is right, BALD is better than balding...period...
Dont go the full monty and shave your face clean at the same time though ( the facial hair will give your looks an edge)..
Look at it this way bro...what if those "5" were just lame girls that were just too superfical anyways...
Don't give up bro...it's been said forever but there are a lot of fish in the sea..and you will find someone that digs YOU...especailly with a shiny head!
Welcome and hang in there bro! -
#10 by wpruitt on 03 Nov, 2007 13:19
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Hey SpeedRacer,
Hey Speedracer ... Padre has acutally hit on a good one! Go someplace where more people with common backgrounds and interest are. Try volunteering with some charitable organizations too, such as Habitat, Big Brothers, Homeless Shelters, Jaycees ... etc
[don't shoot me] church/ synagogue/ temple/ mosque/ meditation hall. -
#11 by speedracer on 03 Nov, 2007 13:53
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Thanks for the replies everyone. About some of the advice I've been given...
I do get out. I'm a hardcore fitness fanatic and frequent the gym... a lot. Triathlon training, and weightlifting. That's where I go and what I do. Run all the races I can. I do climbing gyms also. Will prolly do a REI adventure trip to Australia in the spring, groups of like 12 or so. I also am an avid reader, so I can be found at the bookstore quite a bit. While I'm big into spitituality, I have probs with organized religion, so meeting places of the sort are out. I was thinking of taking some classes in philosophy/anthropology at the University though as I classify myself as humanistic. A yoga class maybe? Habitat for humanity... that's a good idea. Thanks. -
#12 by WannaBePadre on 03 Nov, 2007 18:02
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When I was studying philosophy and theology at the university, there were plenty of women looking to make study groups. Were I up for dating, it would have been a smorgasbord.
And yoga classes are usually filled with healthy vegetarian flexible women.
(I'm celibate, NOT dead!) -
#13 by nomad on 03 Nov, 2007 20:40
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Confidence , attitude, and personality those are the keys. I'm as big and ugly as it gets, but it does not stop me from getting mine, and I don't date ugly beotches.(well maybe one) Ty hit it on the head its like sales, go make the presentation. A sly dome is a good way to break the ice if you show off that confidence that it brings you. You will make the sale.
Keep your sly head up and go for it brother.
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#14 by warhawk on 03 Nov, 2007 21:09
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speedracer....1st of all welcome 2 the sly fraternity. as U can C....this site has some quality members. U have received some gr8 advice so i won't add anything else. it is up 2 u.... 2 take this advice & used it. i hope that u can have the courage 2 do the deed & get a quality razor & make that dome smooooth. i promise u that if u keep it for the 30 day trial that u will decide 2 keep it. anyways....u take care & keep us posted in your road 2 slyness.
WARHAWK