Life on hold for twelve years almost, need a kick up the ass

[Jc628]

Hello, all,

I'll try to keep this as concise as possible, nobody likes an overly long origin story.

I noticed my hair loss started around February 2007, age 26. After research, concluded going sly was the only solution. Had a difficult life up to that point, and had no more fight left in me, so pretty much gave him up.

Have spent the last twelve years just existing, in truth. First five consisted of getting up and going to my job, then shutting myself in my house every night. Last seven I've worked from home, so my daily routine has been get up, go for my run, then spend the rest of the day inside, working, before sitting down to a movie in the evening and trying to escape my life for a few hours. I have no friends, no girlfriend in twelve years. I have a brother I'm very close to, and see him once a fortnight, as he is busy with his job. As you can imagine, I'm unhappy.

I'm writing this as I think I need some helpful words. I figured perhaps some specifically for me might be a bit more helpful than reading other peoples stories. I know I need to go ''sly'', but it's daunting. Not entirely the look, as I think most guys I see on here look great, but the mental aspects that come with it too.

So I need a verbal kick up the ass. Thanks, guys.

[Miller1989]

Honestly, what is it about shaving your head that scares you? I know most guys are nervous the first time, and there are many different reasons why.

[max.b]

If you work from home and don't go out much, it sounds like you are not risking much.

Try a scientific approach. Take pics.  Shave your head. Take pics in the same lighting, etc.

Put them all on photofeeler to get them rated.

If you need more encouragement, there's a video of 3 balding guys shaving their heads on YT. I think that was what encouraged me to do it. Also, I was a little bit drunk, and said "f.... it!"

[Tyler]

You have to face your demons. There's something that's holding you back from even leaving your house much and interacting with society. If you want that to change, which it seems like you do, then you have to look inside yourself and find out what the real issue is. Then you need to face it head on (pun intended).

I think shaving your head would be a good part of that journey of transforming yourself. If you haven't read it, read The Game by Neil Strauss. I think it will give you some insight into how to make a transformation and also has some good tips on how to interact with the ladies.

[Jc628]

Thanks, all.

Miller1989: It's the whole thing really. Will it look okay, all the mental stuff that comes with it. It's daunting, and maybe it feels easier to shut myself away than deal with it all.

Max b: No, you're right. Nobody will even see me. It's like I say above though, I still have to see me, and we're our own worst critic.

Tyler: I've thought about some kind of counseling, as I know my outlook right now isn't right. But truthfully I know I'll be fine if I can get my confidence back, which begins when I can happily look at myself in a mirror again. Thanks for the book tip, I'll have a look at it.

[Quiet_Dan]

Sorry Mate, no kick up the ass is really gonna help you, the real want for change has to come from within, you gotta want it, someone can kick your ass til it is black and blue, sure you may react, but it ain't gonna stick if you don't want it.

I mean that all with the utmost respect I have my own mental health health issues, and have agoraphobic tendancies myself.  When you are comfortable in your own little world even when you know in your head that it isn't healthy, it can be really hard to change.

Through all that mate all I can really say is encourage you to move on forward, life can certainly get better get a good support network around you (preferably local, but the network here at SBG is very encouraging, for me it is my local Church family that help me get out) after the initial real struggles it will get easier and grow naturally.

Feel free to PM me if you do want to talk about stuff

[Jc628]

Thanks a lot, Dan. Appreciate the offer of you lending an ear too.

The support network thing is a good idea. Maybe just suggestions like that are what I'm looking for.

[Miller1989]

Have you ever had a buzzcut before? If not, you should try that out and see how it looks. It will kind of give you some idea about your head shape.

[Jc628]

I'm been sly before. Even had about a week at an old job that way. Part of the problem is I've never actually seen what my entire head looks like sly, as in, I'll look at the ''hair'' part of my head in the mirror, but never the face. I kind of have self-confidence issues, or something, I don't know what that would be categorized as. I actually went from 2007 until the end of last year without looking at myself in a mirror, and the only way I was able to get over that was because I'd been working with a hair piece. 

[Jc628]

Anyone else? 

[JohnRa]

Hi. I don't post much, but I think your situation is more complex than a board like this can help with. At this point, 12 years into your situation, I feel that you really need to talk to a professional in person to better assess what's going on. There are ways to help you, don't just suffer through. Good luck!

[Jc628]

Thanks, Heisenberg 

You make a good point, mate. Tyler said the same thing. Throughout my life I've put up barriers, and I've been rationalizing this one by saying going sly is a big deal, but it obviously doesn't justify a twelve year shut down. I think I may speak with my GP about some kind of counseling.

[Quiet_Dan]

Thanks, Heisenberg 

You make a good point, mate. Tyler said the same thing. Throughout my life I've put up barriers, and I've been rationalizing this one by saying going sly is a big deal, but it obviously doesn't justify a twelve year shut down. I think I may speak with my GP about some kind of counseling.

Good work mate, there is no shame in seeking help. I myself receive regular mental health help and have at varying degrees for a significant part of my life, don't be afraid to say also if a certain idea isn't helping (after giving it a good crack first) because the human mind is a very complex thing. I sure as hell don't even get my own mind let alone other peoples (and this is after 2018 was the toughest year of my life by far at least 8 hospitalisations, 5 of which were legally enforced and 4 suicide attempts one of which left me in ICU for nearly a week), so mate no matter how rough it gets if you are still live and kicking it can still get better.

[Jc628]

Ah, I'm sorry, Dan. When I read that it makes me realise what real struggles are. I hope 2019 is much improved for you, pal.

[Quiet_Dan]

Thanks mate, I wasn't really really trying to shine a light on my own issues. I was more trying to show that you aren't alone in having issues and that seeking help for them doesn't lessen you as a human being. The issues we all face are true and to ourselves can feel bigger than anyone elses because only we can feel what is going on for ourselves.
But yes things seem to be on the up, though I certainly have my moments, but I do have a job interview coming up this afternoon! Which is great and scary, great for the obvious reasons, scary cos I have never actually had a traditional job interview before.
Good luck with pushing on forward, you will have moments where you want to give up and feel like a failure, but what really defines us is getting back up again and pushing on.