Considering shaving my head.

[Tento20]

This is kind of hard for me to talk about, because I have ignored it most of my life to save my feelings, but here it goes...

I started to lose my hair at the age of 14. I'm 20 now. School was very hard for me, friendships, relationships (or lack of), and even general socializing, in and outside of school. It has turned me into this frightened and what may seem pathetic individual who has no self esteem or confidence, and I blame it almost solely on my hair. I had such lovely hair and even as a child I hated having it short. I'm an ugly guy anyway so it doesn't help. I've worn a hat every day since it started, and now I can't function without it. I find myself trying to hide my head, not able to talk to people or look at them, and it brings on terrible bouts of anxiety and depression. Or self hatred, whichever way you want to look at it. Big, big problems with my general appearance because of being called names by women, being rejected by women, and flat out being ignored by women, plus the lack of any form of relationship. I know that's a bad way to look at it, but when a woman looks at a guy who lost his hair so young I cannot ever imagine her thinking  "Yeah, I want my child to have those genes."  I'm a stupidly nice guy and I have had a fair few female friends in the past, but no one has ever wanted me as anything more. And if I even think about trying to get something like this off my chest with them, I can say goodbye to that friendship straight away. They don't want to hear it. Then they tell everybody about your insecurities, and everyone thinks you're pathetic. If it sounds like I'm talking down on women - I'm not. If I had a girlfriend, I would love her, and maybe even myself, I just don't have any good experiences to recall.

I spent a long time avoiding going outside because as soon as I stepped outside my hair would be blown backwards revealing the clear receding M shape on my forehead. People laughed. People made fun. And worse. You know what high school is like. No one cares if you have feelings or not. It ruined my education. It ruined my youth and it ruined every chance I ever had at being happy. Sorry to be a downer. I know at heart, all of these things were caused by my perspective - not the actual hair loss itself. That's just the kind of person I am. I always wanted to be perfect.

Now that I'm 20, I have very little hair left - what I do have left is thin, but not so thin that I you can see my scalp. The biggest problem is how much it has receded, it literally starts half way on my head. The "island" is visible but still "attached" to the rest - but a lot thinner. It does not look good. Because I'm so afraid of how I look in the first place, I can't begin to imagine how shaving it all off will effect me - for all i know, I will never be able to leave the house again...

I have a job, and I wouldn't be able to face going back to it if I shaved off all my hair. I think they think I'm strange enough already.  But I am so unhappy with my appearance. I don't see a way out of this stupid hole I dug for myself. Any male member in my family has refused to shave their heads as we have a, uhm, strange head shape (almost cone shaped in a way) that doesn't look good, and runs in the family. I have examined my own head shape vigorously and my head seems pretty circular and I've even wet my hair and brushed it all flat and backwards to see, and it doesn't look so bad, but I don't want to shave it all off for it to then ruin my life even more just by trying to make it better.

There's not much I can ask, let alone do. I guess, if possible, I would like some advice from anybody who has been or is in the same boat, maybe some reassuring information, whatever you've got... Certainly can't make it any worse.

But here's me in a nutshell. I'm average height, not tall. I have brown eyes, I am very skinny, almost unhealthily, if not unhealthily already. I'm 20 and I weigh 7.5 stone. If you can imagine how skinny that is. Long, thin arms and legs, I have to wear multiple layers of clothes just to look normal. I have facial hair but I am unable to grow a mustache for some reason. But the rest is fine. (I know facial hair can really suit bald guys). I also have quite a large nose with a dent in it from being punched in the face on my first day of school. Looks pretty weird and people are always bringing it up or making fun of it, so add that to the rest. Do you think a guy, with that kind of look, or any potential look from my description (meaning, I could potentially work out and get bigger, or have surgery on my nose, etc...) would look good with a clean shaven head? Bearing in mind my head may be a strange shape.  Basically, is this at all a good combination for it? I'll mention now, also - I am not interested in a hair transplant. I don't want to cling onto it for the rest of my life, it's made it bad enough already.

Really sorry if this is hard to read. It was hard to write. You guys might think I'm weird for feeling so bad about it all, but I can't help my feelings. I just need closure...

One thing I would also like to say is, for anybody facing the same/similar problem as me, losing your precious hair at such an early age, the worst thing you can do is dwell on it. You don't want to do what I did, and spend years trying to hide it, and wishing it wasn't true so much to the point where you almost believe it. DON'T let it ruin your life. Make fun of yourself before others get the chance. If they can see it hurts you, they know where you are weak. Just accept it, laugh about it, and embrace it. It's so much more respectable, admirable and attractive. You can be a sad sack and cry about it, but you're not going to make any friends doing that. Which is why I am so isolated and alone now. I've never met anybody who has lost their hair younger than me or even a similar age, but if you are reading this, then listen to what I am saying. Don't let it make you less of a person.

[Quiet_Dan]

Wow, you really do have a poor body image and self esteem. I think you probably should see someone (It's not something you need to feel ashamed of, I have my issues too), often when people are here saying they have an odd shaped head, its generally more their insecurities talking than reality. Feel free to post a photo of yourself, the guys here wont bag or rubbish you, this really is a safe place for those of us that either shave our heads out of necessity or just cos they want to. Welcome here mate

[mrzed]

Facial hair/mustache will come in time. It wasn't until I was closer to 30 that mine would grow in at any decent rate.  Give that time.

As for being bald, just browse through the various profile pictures on this side and see how many good looking guys there are with absolutely no hair on top. 

Bald is so much better than super thin hair.  I guy at work is almost bald on top, but has about 4 inch long hair wisps over the top and heavy fringe around the edges.  Looks really dumb.  IMO he'd look much better with a shaved head. 

And do check out the thread on the 30 day rule. 

This is a good site to air your feelings on a bald head/hair issues.  Glad you joined us.

[Semi-Sly]

Hey Tento - don't feel bad about sharing your feelings here.  My experience is that this board has the most honest and supportive men I have been part of outside of the military and the police department. 

Post some photos and we will be honest with you. 

[Tento20]

Oh wow, thanks for the responses. You're right, I do have awful self esteem, self image, whatever. I wouldn't have minded losing my hair if life had just spared me the embarrassment of having to go through this at school, as a child. It took a serious toll on me. I've never had an other half to re-assure me that I look fine, or that it doesn't matter, so being left to my own demise, I haven't turned out the best. In fact I had one girlfriend and she dumped me because I got a haircut and it became too visible. (Yeah, ouch)

I have done what you said, I have looked at the other people with pictures of their shaved heads, you're right, a lot of you look good. That is reassuring in itself, but I never thought, as a person, that I look particularly masculine. I look younger than I am, and I'm thin etc. Maybe that's something I should work on to get the confidence I need to shave my hair off. At least I know which direction to go! Thanks all.

Another thing to say is that because I have felt the way I do about this, no one should feel this way because of that. I don't want to come across like all people in my situation have it bad, because they don't and I'm certainly not saying you should feel like me. I just don't handle things well. 

I may post a photo soon, if I feel like I can.

[SlickChromeDome]

I started losing my hair at an early age (not as early as you) but I always had to be 'strategic' about the way I fixed my hair to hide bald spots. I was always that guy that couldn't live without hair and swore if I ever lost it I'd get a hair transplant. What's even more ironic is my wife is a hairstylist, so people would ask who cut my hair and I'd tell...I was more or less a walking billboard. When I first came to grips with the fact I was losing my hair it was tough. No lying about it, I figured everyone would notice me not having any hair. First of all people that don't know you don't know the difference and people that know you it will take some time to get used to. Just like it'll take you time to used to the way you look. Now I wouldn't have it any other way...secretly (which I can tell you guys) I often wonder why people have hair in the first place. What's the point? Lol. I'm 34 now and have been shaving my head for about 5 years now and LOVE IT. Its funny when I show people what I looked like with hair they say they like me better bald! You have to own it. Get some confidence and swagger. You'll get there. If any group of guys can build you up about hair or the loss of its this group of guys!

[SlyMike]

I started losing my hair in my mid 20s and was quite concerned about it then so I completely understand. Try shaving it off, I'm sure you'll look great.

If you've had someone dump you for having no hair, then you are better off without them.

Try the 30 day rule, it's great!

[AJ Q-Ball]

Amen Mike about what you said about a girl dumping a guy due to lack of hair.  You don't need those people in your life Tento.  People like that are in denial of their own insecurities and those people aren't beneficial to your emotional health.  There are people who will accept you as you are bald or not and surround yourself with those.

[Sir Harry]

Thanks for sharing your story. Yes, it's hard to go through something like what you went through, but we have had and still have members who were losing it in their teens. The good thing is, you're among friends here who can offer advice and encouragement. Welcome and good luck!

[mrzed]

I should add to my story, which you can find elsewhere, but it fits here. In preparation for shaving my head, I buzzed my hair shorter and shorter over several months, taking it down slowly.  In preparation for daily head shaving, I'd run the clippers daily, just to get in the habit.  When I actually broke out the razor to be bald, it took my adult daughters, living at home with me, three days before they noticed.  At work, only one person made a comment, and it was a very masked joke statement. Once in a while, now, I'll get a comment from someone who has not seen me in years, but having gone over 3 years with a shaved head, it's no big deal.

Just stick around here. Read the posts. Get to know some of the guys who post frequently. Send them a PM if you like.  You may even find someone who lives near you who shaves his head. 

Around here, in the Carolina's, there are lots of guys who shave their heads. It's very common. Even more so in the summer!

[Tento20]

Thank you people. This seems to be the only community where I can voice about how I feel. I hope in time, as I get a little older, maybe it will be something people will expect me to do and it won't be so hard to get used to.

I feel a lot better now that I have talked about how it makes me feel. Granted, a lot of you are considerably older or lost your hair when you were considerably older - I feel as though the younger generation of people are less accepting. Maybe that will change as I get older. I'll think about doing it this Summer - as it will be hot, and I don't actually enjoy wearing a hat full of head sweat. I definitely feel better about it, as I said, thank you all.

[AJ Q-Ball]

I know how you feel. I'm 29 and started losing my hair around 23.  When mine decided to go, it was on full throttle.  Out of everything bad that happens, there's always something good that comes out of it.  I still receive compliments on my look.  Shaving my head was one of the best choices I've made in my life. It's nice not to ever worry about thinning hair again.