Help? BDD sufferer looking for advice.

• Help? BDD sufferer looking for advice. by jlac85 on 11 Oct, 2014 04:04
• Hi guys,
  
  Looking to get some advice. As you can see by my picture I have a fairly large amount of hair.
  However, I do have an issue with the size of my forehead. I have worn a fringe since I was small to cover it but I noticed that my temples have receeded a few months ago. I decided to get rid of my fringe as I knew one day I wouldnt be able to have it so try to get used to it, and well basically my life has been hellish since.
  
  I don't like how I look and I have a paralysing fear as I grow older my hairline will go further back and I am going to look really weird because of my large protruding forehead.
  
  I have suffered from depression in the past and I know part of my fixation is because of this, however it doesn't stop me from being convinced I will look weird. (And therefore unaccepted and wont be able to enjoy life.)
  
  I have tried to find a 'solution' to try and keep my hair, but have realised that is not the answer at all.
  
  But now I feel I am sitting on a timebomb as my hair slowly retreats and I become weirder and weirder looking.
  
  So part of me wants to just get my hair as short as possible (maybe even shave it) im pretty sure I am not going to like it but at least the feeling of constant loss would hopefully go and I could get on with working on accepting myself for who I am.
  
  Quite a heavy post I know but does anyone have any advice or gone through anything similar?
  
  
  Thanks!
  
  
• #1 by Cave Dweller on 11 Oct, 2014 05:02
• Welcome to the board, sir.
  
  Now take a deep breath, slowly exhale, and stay calm. You are doing what most of us do. You are acting as your worst critic. What you see as a problematic, large forehead is what everyone else sees as just a forehead and nothing more. You had it covered for some time, so you became accustomed to not seeing it. Now that you exposed it, it seems big only because you are seeing it where once you saw hair.
  
  You look fine.
  
  If your hairline is receding, you will see more skin where once there was hair. You will not be the first man to have this happen (most of us here know what it feels like) but you will not by any means look "weird" as you fear.
  
  All I can advise is that you do not allow yourself to get wrapped up in hair as the measure of how you look or how people will accept you. You will only be hurting yourself over something most people will not care about when they meet you.
• #2 by jlac85 on 11 Oct, 2014 05:23
• Cave Dweller - I have been reading through this board and have noticed your posts. They all seem so well grounded and it is clear that you genuinely want to help people. It really restores my faith in the internet!
  
  Thank you for the response. At the moment it is eating me up as I have been covering up for so long.
  
  I do have all the traits of BDD though which makes other peoples comments incredibly hard to accept. I have read other BDD sufferers accounts and how it has eaten up years of their life. I obviously don't want that!
  The people who I have seen who have overcome it are the ones who have looked it in the mouth. I started by getting rid of my fringe but I really think im going to need to get it cut really short and keep it that way to really deal with it.
  
  Its a scary thought though!
  
  
• #3 by Mike E. P. on 11 Oct, 2014 06:00
• Hello Jlac,
  
  I've been where you are and I know how this worry about recession and balding can take over your thoughts. It was terrible for me, too.i will tell you that when I finally had enough and buzzed my hair down, a lot of this worry just went away. Buzzing my head was a huge weight lifted for me. I did think I looked much better than the receding, thinning look I had before. Of course, it did take time to get used to the drastic, new look. But it changed the game for me.
  
  Like Cave Dweller said, you see a huge forehead, but no one else does. And if you shave your head, your forehead just becomes part of your bald head. It's the hairline that defines a prominent forehead.
  
  If I were you, I would take the plunge and buzz your hair close. Then give yourself time to get used to it. You may end up like I did - beginning to stop worrying and obsessing about your hair. What's the worst thing that could happen? You hate it and then grow it back to what you have now.
• #4 by Yannis on 11 Oct, 2014 17:42
• Hello Jlac.
  I will agree with mister Cave Dweller. You look fine. I didn't see any problem.
  If you afraid because you didnt have so many hairs forward then imagine if you didn't had hair and back...and at sides.   How it will be?
  If you want to see the answer do it and if you didn't like it, you have to wait 1-2 months to go back to your normal hairs. But if you like it,you will said "why didn't  done it earlier".
  But my opinion is,stay where you are
  
  Cheers
• #5 by Liam on 12 Oct, 2014 07:48
• Hey, Jlac85,
  
  By your name I figure you must be 28-29 yo now. I started losing a lot of hair at that age too.
  
  It's a tough thing to deal with. It's a time of changes, at least it was for me, not only in my appearance but as how I used to see myself. Every one go through changes, in our case it also comes as a "drastic" out of our control physical experience. The great thing, though, is that it helps us become more conscious of those changes, I mean, that we are actually moving on in our lives.
  For me it was the time when I stopped seeing myself as that young college looking guy and started seeing myself as a real mature man. Maybe that's not your case, the point is, IMO, the physical change made me realize that, and maybe it helps you realize other things about yourself.
  
  

  Quote from: jlac85

  I have suffered from depression in the past and I know part of my fixation is because of this, however it doesn't stop me from being convinced I will look weird. (And therefore unaccepted and wont be able to enjoy life.)
  
  I have tried to find a 'solution' to try and keep my hair, but have realised that is not the answer at all.

  
  The solution as most will tell you, and already have, is for you to accept your new condition. Either by shaving your head, buzzing, or wearing your hair whichever way you like it, the important thing is to accept that you will no longer look the way you used to, and you have to get used to that.
  You  will feel weird, wont believe when ppl say you look good, but eventually you will come around.
  
  You already started the process by changing your hair cut. Keep on working on that, find a style that suits you best. Most ppl will understand that you are going through a tough phase and trying to work it out, others might give you a hard time, but that's just how it is.
  
  By your picture you still have a lot of hair, you don't have to buzz or shave it yet if you don't want to. Some guys rock the receded hair line look, maybe it works for you. The trick is, don't hide it! You own that receded hair line look, you will feel better about yourself and ppl will see you as a confident man. It works for me. Or maybe the sly look suits you best.
  
  This forum really helped me understand that balding is just a change in our your lives (like many others) that we just need to accept.
  
  Best of luck 
• #6 by xivdef on 12 Oct, 2014 14:27
• 
  It's not an heavy post and your situation is far from the end of the world, it may seem like a big issue but we all get older and we all have to face challenges like that.
  
  So if you louse your hairs and you care about your Forehead, you will have to work on yourself in order to enhance your perception of yourself, you don't have a choice but fortunately it may be easier than you think.
  
  You should discuss these issues with a specialist that will lead you into a positive perception of yourself (and the situation) and help you develop the right mental tools to get over the challenge.
  
  ========
  
  I had an issue too with my forehead then I started to cut my hair at #3 with the clipper to grow my endurance.  Then I let the hairs grow back, then I started again at #3, then #2, then #1 over a period of 2 years. Now i shave with a DE razor and it's great. (Better then before and the girls they like it.)
  
  I grew my confidence with my new look and 10 years of anxiety vanished. I worked on my personality, I do some body workout, I took care of my alimentation in order to stay fit, I try to be better for the others. There are a lot of things that can be done to progress in a new path to become a strong and far better man.
  
  
  
  
• #7 by Sir Harry on 12 Oct, 2014 15:48
• Don't be so hard on yourself. It doesn't look that bad, and it's going to take some time to get used to, but give it a shot. You can always grow it back if you don't like it.
• #8 by jlac85 on 13 Oct, 2014 01:52
• So, I went and did it. Not quite a buzz yet but not far off. I actually kind of like it. (Or can cope with it!)
  
  The other thing I didn't mention was my last name.
  
  ****head.  (Its not rude the star bit, just not putting it in to keep a bit of anonymity)
  
  I've got the word head in my name! And I am a teacher... ah the joys!
  
  I love my job and I am good at it and to be honest there is really nothing wrong in my life, its all good.
  
  You are right, I do need to accept this, but I think it will probably take a while.
  
  Thank you for being supportive!
• #9 by mrzed on 13 Oct, 2014 04:58
• When I shaved my head my SIL said "You look like a professor."
  
  Mike E. P. is a teacher, too.
  
  People would comment about my 'receding hairline'. It's been that way since I was a young boy.  That's just the hairline.  You are you.  You can make minor adjustments, like shaving your hair or growing it out. But that's just surface stuff.  The real you is the person inside and how you portray that.
• #10 by jlac85 on 13 Oct, 2014 12:24
• One thing I would like to ask if anyone can shed any light on it is if you are losing hair from your temples, how this usually progresses?
  
  Will I lose hair from the sides of my head to start with too, or is it just from the top? Or is that for the hair gods to decide?
  
  Thanks!
• #11 by smoothhead on 13 Oct, 2014 19:15
• Hi jlac, you still look fine to me and really have a fair way to go before I would suggest shaving. Unless you have a bald patch at the back I would say just relax and go with the flow.
  Once your hair loss becomes very noticeable which in your case may be several years away then it is time to consider the full shave.
  Trust me you will know when it is time and once you have taken the plunge will feel released and happy with your new bald look. There is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about having a nude head in fact in most cases it can be and is very sexy.