Hello, and my story so far...

[ben9792]

Hey guys,

I've been a lurker for quite some time, so thought I would introduce myself.

I've been on the forum reading stories for a while, particularly those similar to my own, which I have foundincredibly helpful.

Basically, I'm 22 and going bald. 2 work colleagues first noticed, and pointed it out, when I was 20. That was the point which started a downward spiral of ever growing anxiety and reducing confidence. I know I sound a but dramatic, but it was a pretty awful moment, one I remember vividly.

At first I tried to hide it but getting the most ridiculous haircut that actually just highlighted it even more. I look back on pictures now, and cannot believe how daft I looked. I then went back to just having it flat, and have been combing it round ever since.

Ever since I realised I have thought that EVERYONE is staring at me and judging me. I even changed barbers because I was convinced my old barber was mocking me and laughing to his colleague as he cut it. I dread every trip to the barber, seeing my hairline slowing wither away...

My friends all have great hair, which makes me feel even worse. Whenever the topic of hair is brought up, I feel myself switch off and desperately wait for it to be over, or try and change the topic at first oppurtunity.

I now wish I had just shaved it all off back when i first noticed. At the time though, I was so distraught, I convinced myself the best option was to prolong the life of my hair for as long as possible. Every passing month I wished I had shaved it off, and every month I think I'm too far in now to shave it, everyone will know why I have and it will highlight it even further... Then another month passes and I think damn I should have just done it!! Oh, but I cant now, because its not even more obvious than last month. So the cycle continues...

I put off going out with friends as much now too. Anything that would involve messing up my carefully combed hair is off the cards. Go-karting, swimming, and anything else you can think of. I've even cancelled nights out with friends on a few occasions because I looked in the mirror and could see how awful my hair looked, and couldnt bear to have everyone staring at me.

I've been with my girlfriend currently for 14 months, we're now living together and very happy. Not once has the topic of my hair loss come up though, as much as I'd like to be able to talk to her about it. I know I could and she'd be great, but again its the acceptance and having people acknowledge it that I struggle with.

Not sure how well this post will read, I've just frantically written down a brief summary of the last 2.5 years since noticing my hair loss. I have to say, it feels great to let it all out, even if it is to a bunch of (at the moment) strangers.

I see this post at the first step towards finally just shaving it all off. I know I should, I want to do it, I'm 99% certain I'll look better for it too.

You'll probably see me around the forum asking questions and chatting now, so thanks for reading. Any advice you have for me would be very welcome.

[slymyke]

Welcome, ben!

Thanks for telling your story.  You are right, it is the first step for you toward doing something to gain control of this situation.  I understand what you mean about thinking you have waited too long to shave it.  The truth is you don't have to worry about that.  As you said, two people pointed out your thinning hair over two years ago before you noticed it yourself.  This mean that most people can see it too.  It probably doesn't matter to them as much as it does to you.  --I'm SURE it doesn't matter to them as much as it does to you.  If you suddenly show up tomorrow with a clean-shaven head, it would not be too late.  For those who have noticed your thinning hair, so what if they know why you shaved it off.  What's wrong with them noticing that you are bold enough to take control and are not letting hair be more important than you or your happiness.  Shave it off and enjoy your life.  Go swimming, hiking, go-cart riding... all of it... and know you are a bold sly guy.  There is one in every crowd (well, sometimes, more like 2.7) but you know what I mean.  Bald guys have more fun.   I believe this to be true, because I have had more fun with a shaven head than when I was worried about my hair.   ---even before my hair was thinning and balding, I remember how cumbersome hair was, and realize life is better sly.  Talk to your girl and tell her what you are going to do.  You don't have to go into full details of how you are struggling with it... just tell her boldly that you don't want to be one of those guys who walk around with an ever-growing bald spot... you want to take advantage of your thinning hair as an excuse to go for a bold, bad-ass look!    This is where you have to be confident upfront.  Don't ask for permission from anyone... don't act unsure about yourself.  Do it with confidence and I guarantee you that your confidence will grow exponentially as a result. 

[reddog]

Hi Ben, sorry you are having so much anxiety. I know things are different for someone your age, rather than my age. With short buzzcuts so popular now, why not just get it buzzed? If anyone asks, just tell them you are taking charge of your hairloss. Also, you can then cut it at home, yourself, no more barbers! Good luck whatever you decide, but don't let the anxiety continue, it's unhealthy.

Mike

[ben9792]

Thanks for the replies guys, and advice.

I am going to order some clippers (have asked for some advice on which on the forum). I'll bring it up with my girl and I'm sure she'll encourage it if she knows its what I want.

[Frontier Guy]

Welcome Ben,

It's time for you to take control of your life, instead of allowing your hair to have total control over you.

There's nothing wrong with going with a buzz cut or shaving it entirely. Stop sitting on the sidelines - start participating and enjoy all the activities you want to do. Each day you dally is another day lost.

Make a change and give yourself credit for having done so. There are so many things in your life ahead which are more important than hair.

Stick around here and ask questions, express your anxiety, and add to the general banter. It's a great and supportive community. You are in good company here.

[Semi-Sly]

Man, I can feel the level of anxiety you are iving with - that will eventually kill you! - Shaving you head will not!


Give yourself a break Buddyroe!  Get that monkey off of your back (or, more correctly, get those dead scraps of keratin off of your head), and jump into life! 

Man you are in your early 20's, you have a girlfriend, ........ you got the world by the tail my man.  Don't sweat the small stuff.  Just make the bold move and I guarantee you will feel a huge rush of testosterone!  (And I know that your girlfriend will like that)!

[Sir Harry]

Welcome, Ben! Once you go sly, you can free yourself from the worrying. Good luck!

[ben9792]

Thanks guys!

I feel like in the last few months I've come to terms with the hairloss and it doesnt worry me so much. Its more the head-shaving thats worrying me at this stage, but I know now that I'm ready to just go for it (like I should have a long time ago). Thats why I've starting posting. 

After posting last night and starting things moving in my own mind, when I looked in the mirror today I didnt see a balding 22 year old, I was just thinking how much better I'd look with it all gone! A bit daft sounding I know, but thats really how I felt!

I'd encourage any other lurkers reading this to do the same as I did and post to get chatting about it too! It feels far better now, rather than bottling it up as I have been for too long.

[gwsmallwood]

I took the plunge at 30.  Far enough into receding hairline that I had started to notice, but early enough that people weren't necessarily convinced that that was why I had done it.

A lot of people struggle with the image issues.  It's human.  But God made you perfect, whether you think so or not, and it sounds like you've started to come to realize that, which is good.

There isn't anyone on here who would tell you not to do it.  That's why we're all a part of this forum.  We've all done it already and are glad we did.  People may notice and comment on it at first, but I think it only took about a week for everyone to get used to it for me.  After that first week, that's just what I looked like.  It wasn't a shock to anyone and nobody cared.

[Cap]

Hey Ben. Welcome. I'm new at being sly, so I'm just hangin here to learn all I can. Hope you get all you can. Look forward to reading about your journey.

[wpruitt]

Welcome Ben

[Wil1987]

Hi Ben,

I was much the same as you when I was your age, I really struggled with it. I wouldn't go out any where that wouldn't let me wear a hat, got really jealous  of my pals that had decent hair. But at the end of the day, taking control of the situation that I felt I had no control over made it so much better.

Plus, my girlfriend has known me with and without hair and she says she prefers the bald (confident) me.

Well done for posting that, bet it took alot. This is the best place for how you are feeling