Reactions to Going Sly After Ditching Hair System?

[CanIDoIt?]

Hi sly compadres,

I just joined this forum yesterday and it's really sucked me in! The whole point of this (pretty long) post is, having been sly at age 22 and then wearing hair systems for 11 years, I'm thinking of going sly again, but I'd really like to get some feedback from anyone who has gone from a hair system to sly - how you did it, the reactions you got, whether you're happy. Basically, I think there's a significant difference between going from MPB to sly, compared with a hair system to sly -- especially given that in the latter case you can't really go back to your previous look (without waiting 6 weeks for the hair to be long enough to wear a system again...)

MY STORY

My story is, I grew up with a strong possibility that I'd go bald (rampant MPB on both sides of the family  ) but before seeing this forum I've never viewed it as possibly a positive thing. I just dreaded MPB for years and it basically ruined my late teens and entire college experience, and has cast a shadow over my life since (if that sounds dramatic, I'm sure a lot of people here know what I mean).

I started losing my hair at 17, used Toppik for a few years, and then finally went sly with a shave at age 22. At the time I felt I had no option, and my older brother had already taken the step. Initially, I felt free - no more Toppik, no looking at my hair, and I got quite a few compliments. But I just didn't feel like myself - I had had great hair until the MPB, and I found it impossible to adjust to the new look. I had just graduated with a law degree and felt like the sly look didn't fit who I wanted to be, or even who I was. I was also pretty shy and very sensitive to criticism or jibes back then. I just wanted to fit in and didn't have the confidence to stand out. To top it all off, I was very skinny and am naturally very pale, which didn't help - I genuinely looked like a cancer patient if I was a tired, sick or hungover, for example...

SO, I ended up getting a hair system. Initially horrific looking, by my late 20s I knew every trick in the book and had a great look, and my confidence was riding high for years as I felt more in control (although it was bloody expensive and had a host of problems). But at age 32 I moved from Ireland to Scotland and everything started to go wrong with the system - bad moulds, bad cuts, bad attachments. I've gone from it being a minor inconvenience in my life to really a major preoccupation. This summer has been the worst - I had a new system destroyed by a stylist here, and it looks so crap I've found my confidence shattered - I've had 3 visitors to see me in the past 4 weeks, and the system meant I found it impossible to enjoy myself - I put up a good front, but I'm sure they could tell something was wrong. I had been looking forward to this summer, but it's been ruined, basically. I'm starting to think more and more about so many holidays and other times that have been ruined by the system looking like crap, and seeing how much it rules my life.

CAN I GO SLY AGAIN?

After spending this weekend looking for alternatives to the system I have, I found this site and started asking myself - CAN I GO SLY AGAIN? I haven't even considered this as an option for the past 11 years, which has been compounded by the fact that my 2 brothers sport the sly look, but they don't seem very happy about it [[[- although it's hard to tell what is really eating their confidence as neither has been successful professionally (yet), but both are very successful with the ladies (one is engaged, the other has constant attention and no less than 3(!) beautiful girls have told him they are in love with him in the past 18 months - but I digress).]]]

PROS AND CONS

I've been looking at the pros and cons, to wrap my head around all this:

PROS

1. FREEDOM: I've been a slave to these hair systems for 11 years and I can only imagine what it'd feel like to be free of them - to be able to sleep soundly, swim, work out, go on holidays, go for coffee, go on a date, plan for the future without thinking about the system. And not having to have the bloody system re-done every 4 weeks.
2. REGAINING CONTROL: I've let the systems issue dictate everything from small decisions (e.g. going go-karting) to major life decisions, like whether I move somewhere, breaking up with someone so I don't have to tell them about the system etc. Being back in control would be great.
3. BEING MYSELF: I wouldn't be hiding anything any more, I'd know that I'm not 'duping' dates or holding a secret all the time. And I would no longer look like an anomaly in my family, with 3 bald guys and... me and my luxuriant fake head of hair! 
4. MENTAL WELL-BEING: I've suffered a lot of stress from wearing a hair system, and it just needlessly adds to other work and family stresses. It has made me feel extremely depressed at times.
5. LOOKING BETTER THIS TIME: I'm more muscular and more filled out than the last time I went sly, plus I have a proper beard - it could look a lot better this time around, especially if I hit the gym a little harder.
6. COST: Going sly would save me on thousands every year, which I could do something better with: I could put it in my niece's college fund, for example.

CONS

1. SHAVING EVERY DAY: I remember finding shaving my head every day a trial, and I see one of my brothers really hates it. Strangely, if you have a hair system right, you barely have to look at it from one end of the month to the other.
2. NOT LOOKING RIGHT: What if I hate how I look?
3. LOOKING OLDER: I know I'll instantly look older. People generally clock me at about 25 (I've always looked a lot younger than I am), but sly I'll look older. But then, does that matter?
3. CAREER: A big issue is how do I fit the sly look into my career? After my Ph.D I'll be looking for positions with international organisations or government as a lawyer - and will need to look conservative, suit-and-tie etc.
3. REACTIONS: Possibly my biggest issue - if everyone else was blind, I'd be sly all the time  But I remember all the comments the first time around and I'm not sure I can hack it. Usually people are more resilient at age 34 compared to age 22, but due to various things happening since I was 22 I feel inwardly a lot less resilient, even if I'm outwardly more confident.
4. OUTRIGHT MOCKERY: It seems stupid to think about this, but I shudder at the thought of being with my brothers and getting the 'eggheads' jibe, or the whole 'Ming the Merciless' stuff. I don't know why this bothers me so much - sticks and stones, and all that.

But I'm leaning more and more towards just doing it. Part of me is thinking that I have about 9 more months here in Edinburgh (finishing a PhD) and after that I could take a holiday, go sly, take some time out, and start the next phase fresh. I could also just post my new sly look on Facebook and explain my story, and let people (including friends, family, exes) have their reactions online before I meet them again. What do people think of this?? Has anyone done this? Feedback from former hair system wearers particularly welcome 

Thanks everyone at SBG - you're all legends!

[Tyler]

First off, welcome to SBG and thank you for joining!

While I haven't worn a system, I have read enough posts of guys here that have and I believe you'll find it to be much of a non-issue for everyone but you.  Meaning, I don't think many people will react at all. If they do, it will probably be positive.

You know the Pros, so go for it!

[slymyke]

Welcome, CanIDoIt !

I say yes you can do it!  You did get some compliments before... and you will again..especially with the beard.  I don't think it will make you look older than you are. 

Stay focused on the positives you listed... especially how you could save money and put it toward a college fund for your niece.  (What a great thought!) 

Don't feel the need to explain yourself to others... especially about why you shaved your head.  If someone asks you if you were balding, feel free to tell the truth, but don't volunteer the information (in my opinion).  There is no other reason needed except to say you like the look and wanted to make a change.  Tell them you like the way it looks on your brothers (giving them a compliment may be good for your brotherly relationships too). 

You deserve the freedom you will get from taking a bold step in your appearance.  Some people will find something negative to say about anything, so don't let that stop you.  Just realize where it came from... ignorance and rudeness (two shallow qualities that deserve no second thoughts or responses). 

Good luck to you!

[CanIDoIt?]

Thanks Tyler and Slymyke! My idea of explaining it is because the last time I went sly, even from people who had seen my hair going for a few years, they all asked questions about it for months. I just want to get all that over with as quickly as possible when I take the plunge.

Increasingly, I'm thinking of how great it'll be to say goodbye to the charlatans who work in the hair system industry, who are just totally incompetent and feed off bald guys' insecurities. What a great thought! And I could have a little bonfire of my sad-looking systems...!

You 2 guys are the kind of sly I think I want to be - at least from what I can tell from your pics. Confident and looking good.

I'll keep you posted on the plan. In the meantime, any extra advice from those who wore hair systems before going sly would be helpful

[Mike E. P.]

Your positives far outweigh your negatives.  The freedom you will gain along with the elimination of the stress associated with the system make this a no-brainer.

I wouldn't worry about shaving every day. I typically shave twice a week which gives me the look of always being sly although to the touch I am not always smooth. Dressed appropriately, you will look professional. A bald head will not detract from a professional look (but a mess of hair or a bad system definitely could.)

You will get comments and some could be from stupid or rude people, but those diminish rather quickly.

While it might be difficult for you to take the plunge and do it, it does seem like a smart thing for you to do given the way you feel.

[reddog]

I CIDI,
Although I didn't have a system, I did have a full head of hair. When I decided to shave my head, I just clippered it off and shave it in the shower. Nobody knew I was going to do it, and it was a very positive reaction from almost everyone. I posted a photo on Facebook that day saying "my new summer haircut". I got tons of positive comments and likes. It was supposed to be a one time shave, and 14 months later I'm still bald!

Anyway, as it has been said, it is a bigger deal to you than anyone else. Show confidence, and people will accept your new look. Luckily, this is a time where shaved heads are everywhere, and it is a popular style for all ages. Good luck, and ultimately, do what makes you happy. Me? I'm very happy and I look forward to my morning headshave everyday.

Mike

[Frontier Guy]

Adding to the chorus here,

Of course you can do it. And from your posting it seems the sooner the better - to get past this hurdle and leave all the "cons" behind you.

Like Reddog above I still have a full head of hair, but needed a change so shaved it all off one morning. No discussion with anyone in advance. Of course there were comments, but all were mostly positive. There's no need to give anyone your background ... a simple "It was time for a change" is sufficient. You don't need to justify your choice to anyone. Don't engage in endless discussion ... move on to another topic.

Frequent shaving - whether daily or alternating - will be as arduous as you choose to believe it is. Personally, I shave daily and haven't missed a single day since the hair went away. For me, those few extra minutes in the morning really renew my spirit and remind me that I am in control. The feel of a smooth scalp is refreshing.

Elsewhere on SBG you'll read many stories of professional people going sly and there were no impacts on their professional experience. Many attorneys are represented here. A non-attorney but a terrific success story is Mister Jules who went sly and then landed a great position in a professional organization.

It's not the hair - it's your self-confidence and what you bring with you such as knowledge that matters.

Reading your post I felt your angst. I don't see a reason to postpone taking action. Do it and feel good about yourself.

Best to you in however you choose to proceed.

[Steeltoe]

I don't shave every day, either, just twice a week. It still gets the point across. It would be a drag if I pressured myself to do it daily.

[DoberDaddy]

"Increasingly, I'm thinking of how great it'll be to say goodbye to the charlatans who work in the hair system industry, who are just totally incompetent and feed off bald guys' insecurities. What a great thought! And I could have a little bonfire of my sad-looking systems...!
"

Some are, like in every industry, and some are not.

I love my new hair system, the company from whom I ordered were upfront, and amazing. No pressure, no bait, and switch. I look, amazing, and natural.

It feels good, I feel good.

Wearing hair is an option, just as shaving your head is an option, or walking around with a horseshoe ring of hair, is an option. Each option should be your own, individual option.

But, as I was bald for 24 years, and wanted hair... it should be totally cool for you to want a break, temporary or permanent from your hair system.

Good luck!

[TheodorusRex]

Relax and toughen up.  Practice radical self acceptance.  You can win chicks/people over with confidence.   Being bald chooses you - you can resist it or embrace it.  Own it.  Learn to want it.   Bald is always a tough look.  It intimidates.