Feeling devastated

[tgajr74]

For some reason over the past 3 years my baldness has really depressed me.  I just to be filled with confidence and I embraced it.  I gave up using Rogaine when I was in my early 20s, and now I believe it was one of the worst mistakes of my life.  At 39 I am one of my few friends not married and my confidence is at an all time low.  I stay in shape and am working on a PhD, but still feel awful.  Could hair really be that important?   

I am reaching out to my bald brothers for help because I don't know what to do with these feelings.  Does anyone have any advice or experienced the same thing? 

[reddog]

All I can tell you is I have found that almost every woman I know, and many women I didn't know love my shaved head, and I am BBC. My s/o would much prefer me with hair, but is quite a good sport about my bald head. Hair won't matter to a good woman, but you must have some confidence. I seldom wear a hat, as I love to show off my slyness.

[Mike E. P.]

Losing my hair as a young guy was very traumatic for me, too. For a lot of years I thought about it obsessively and worried about it constantly. But I watched it recede and thin for a long time before I finally decided to buzz it off. You seem to have already shaved your head which I think is a great step in the right direction. And judging from that photo, I wouldn't think that women are staying away from you because of your bald head. You look great. You look good, you're young, and you're working on a PHD. I would think you'd be quite a catch. In my experience most women are not that shallow. There are a lot of other qualities in a man they look for than a head of hair. Those that put a premium on hair are not worth the time of day anyway.

I'm not sure how to help you with your confidence, but many of us were/are where you are now. With me, the confidence came as I got older when I  finally came to accept myself and I realized that hair is really not that important.

I hope you come to that realization soon, too.

[tgajr74]

Thank you guys for the advice and thoughts, and the kind words.  I am not looking for a solution, just a group of my peers to discuss my situation.  I am tired of keeping my feelings to myself and thought it might be healthy to talk about them in the proper platform.  

Its also the feeling of having made a bad decision with quitting rogaine, but back them it made sense.  I feel bad because I could have been able to prevent it.  It would be different if rogaine hadn't worked and I had no choice in the matter. 

[geeman]

There will be a lot of married guys wishing they were single lol. Hair isn't that important, if you have nice hair, great, good for you, but if you haven't.. Great..good for you... Being bald is far better than balding....you've taken the step, embrace it, but also forget about it...its only a big deal to you, no one else will care if you have hair or not, who you are is what's important

[EarlBald]

I think that your low self-esteem has nothing to do with your (lack of) hair.  I'll chime in that you look really good (can I say hot?) bald, especially with your suit.  Many "good catches" somehow miss romantic success--luck has a lot to do with it, I think.  I'd advise talking to a counselor to see if there are some other issues in your life.  Otherwise, well ... I'm not partnered either, so I can't give you pointers, but we have seen from the threads that many of the men here are happily married or partnered and happily bald!  To me, the primary question is whether or not you are living your life in a way that is fulfilling for you. If you achieve that, finding a partner is secondary.

[mrzed]

Sir, you look very confident in the profile picture. Great shine on your head. No shadow. Sharp 3 piece suit. I like wearing ties myself. You'll see them from time to time in my profile picture. Especially bow ties.

Beer in hand. 

I work with a bunch of IT guys who have pretty short hair. And the young IT guys tend to buzz their heads.  So I gave it a try.  Liked it.  Then went so short that I shaved my head.  So BBC here. I shave my head because I think it looks good. I'd like to encourage other guys who are bald or balding that it's OK to be bald.  A bald head looks great. I see lots of them around here ... well ... everywhere I go these days, I see bald guys. There was one last night at Five Guys, Burgers and Fries.

And sounds like you have an advantage that you don't have to shave your entire head, just parts.  How lucky!

Need some encouragement, watch a Vin Diesel movie.  He looks good bald. 

And read through some of the pages here on SBG, noting the profile pictures.  You don't see much hair and it's hard to find an ugly looking guy here. 

[Cave Dweller]

Could hair really be that important?  

I guess it depends upon how shallow the woman is.

I never used anything to try to reverse my balding, and rode out the MPB to the point I had a fully bald dome with the horseshoe going around the sides and back. It never was that big an issue for me - and it was not an issue for the women I met or the woman I married in my thirties either. Quit worrying about it.

In two weeks, I am going to the wedding of my best man. He has a full head of hair, and is about to be married for the first time. He is fifty-four. He says it is because he just now met THE woman for him. His hair did not mean anything.

It sounds like you have a lot of positive going on in your life. Don't let something as superficial as hair get in your way.

[tgajr74]

Thanks guys. Your comments really helped.  I just needed to talk I guess.  That's why this forum exists!

[mrzed]

Please stick with the conversation. You have an excellent example of a shiny bald head. Certainly an inspiration to any other balding guy or a guy who appreciates a bald head.

Being able to share your struggles will be an encouragement and support to others.

[bennett11]

I think whatever your problem is it is not due to lack of hair.  There are plenty of women who love bald guys.  At your age many years ago I kept my hair as short as possible and later shaved.  I have a Ph'D and visible professional career.  Did I get some ribbing - sure but gave me the confidence that I had the courage to be myself.

[Sir Harry]

Welcome, tgajr74! Nice of you to join us...Apparently you must have been balding in your younger days if you used Rogaine. You have a lot going for you, hang in there buddy, you will be a prize for whatever woman wins your heart. No woman that I have dated or married ever complained about my bald head, in fact many of them liked it! Feel free to hang around and participate in the discussions whether they are about being bald or not....Enjoy the forum!

[Mr Jules]

" Could hair really be that important? "

No, not really.

[buddha]

At 39 I am one of my few friends not married

And you're complaining about this............Why?

Sorry to seize upon this segment for my response.....No I'm not. It came out and I feel compelled to deal with it in my own unique way even though it is not technically about baldness. This is not, I repeat, NOT a hijack.
The reason I wrote that is your quote above implies a certain sense of urgency about getting married. Remember that getting married is not just you and the woman of your dreams. It invites all her relatives in as well as lawyers, judges, and the government. It sounds like you have an internal clock going that is telling you that there's something wrong because you're not married.
I have an absolute horror story about a buddy of mine who had this same issue years ago and it did not end well. His mom was disturbed because she had 2 other kids who were never going to bless her with grandchildren and the pressure was on my friend to complete his mother's sad life for her. The things he was required to give up for this marriage made in hell were atrocious but men do not have the benefit of the balance of power.
So if you want to get married because you found the absolute woman of your dreams then go for it. If you want to get married because"it's time to settle down".....don't forget the Pre-Nup.

[tgajr74]

I knew I could count on my bald brothers for empathetic support!  This morning I even shaved my head clean with a razor and soap!  Thanks for the support.  I have recently lost about 15lbs and I feel awesome!  I guess my comment about not being married stems from my borden of random meaningless sex with different women. 

"Its what's in a man's head that counts, not what on it".  This is a motto I created and plan to live by from now on.  I have had a career and lived a life very few could dream of.  I have worked for US Congress, and many other federal organizations, I mostly work from home, I have worked in Kyrgyzstan, and even volunteer with animals.  I am now working on a PhD and honestly haven't worked very hard since 2002.  So maybe I don't have hair, but I have had a career second to none! 

This had led me to a new idea!  I want to visit a children's cancer hospital with my St Bernard, and my bald head.  Why not reach out and help them as you all have helped me?  Let me know what you guys think.  I really appreciate the support.  Its means so much more than the lip service I may have received elsewhere.  What a great community! 

Thomas