The Heart is a Lonely Hunter...

[LuckyJim]

Hello brothers,

Please bear with me, this is less self-pity and more of a genuine reflection on myself. Opinions/advice would be very welcome!

I still pine almost daily for my ex-girlfriend. She really is the only girl I ever think about on a regular basis, even though she finished the relationship about two years ago.

I don't believe I have met someone before her or after her that comes close to making me feel like she did (there is a long, rather complicated and sorrowful story that led to our meeting). I tend to keep an emotional distance from any of the women I've been with, and the only time I've shed my armour was with her, and her being the same I think she let hers down for me. As well as this she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen to this day, and quite why she chose me to love (she was well above my league) I have no idea.

I have no notion of ever being with her again. Despite the fact we now live quite a distance from each other, I know that she is now seeing another guy, and I also know that we would never have what we had before. I can also guess that she does not think about me any more; she was always stronger than me (which is saying something) and I think she knew that she would hurt me more than I could ever hurt her.

Now the crux of this little sad story is not to garner sympathy. What I'm really gunning for is knowing from you guys if you have ever experienced anything of the same (which seems likely) and how you coped with it. Do I think about her because I truly believe I still love her, or is it because I haven't found another person who gives me the same emotional and physical satisfaction that she did? Am I comparing all the prospective partners I meet now to her, which ultimately leads to doomed relationships? In the words of the great poet Sully Prudhomme:

Often, too, the hand one loves
May lightly brush against the heart
And bruise it.
Slowly then across that heart
A hidden crack will spread
And love’s fair flower perish.

Any help would be much appreciated my friends. Some sound advice/wisdom is always welcome!

[Marshal S.]

Jim, are you sure you want to discuss this in a public forum?  At the time of this response, there are 127 anonymous guests reading the forum.  Are you sure you want all of them to know your business?  I know it can feel like we're just talking to the people who respond here; however, what we write here is available to the entire internet.   I advise caution.
I'll send you a private message with my answer, if you want.

[Mikekoz13]

Hi Jim-

Until you appreciate yourself first, it probably won't change your attitude. Your post is full of things that point to a negative attitude toward yourself.

Learn to Love yourself and what you bring to someone else's table and things will get better.

PM me if you want to chat.

[geeman]

I feel your pain, been there, some people can move on quicker than others.... But move on you must, and in your own time you will, its an old saying, but its true, time heals, as long as you want to, spend as much time with friends, try some new interests or hobbies that have you meeting new people...and who knows, when you least expect it, you too will move on, and meet someone new.

[Baldstu]

Wise advice again Marshall such wisdom

[LuckyJim]

Jim, are you sure you want to discuss this in a public forum?  At the time of this response, there are 127 anonymous guests reading the forum.  Are you sure you want all of them to know your business?  I know it can feel like we're just talking to the people who respond here; however, what we write here is available to the entire internet.   I advise caution.
I'll send you a private message with my answer, if you want.

Hi Marshal,

I appreciate what you're saying, for sure. But it's been playing on my mind for some time and I wanted some advice more than anything. I feel comfortable in the SBG community and respect the opinions of you guys. It's an important subject and I haven't given away too many revealing details!

Thank you for the offer of the messaging, I think I might just take you up on it (as opposed to airing my dirty laundry in public).

And Mikekoz13, I am listening to what you're saying about appreciating yourself. It's very easy to say, but a little harder to put into practice. Of course I don't sit around thinking I'm ugly or unworthy, but when someone touches your heart to such a degree that you feel sort of lost without them, it becomes pretty difficult to move forward!

geeman: Yes, time does heal. I spend a lot of time with friends, and I don't have any sort of inferiority complex. I suppose my problem is that I turn to the drink a lot - I hit the bottle (more than moderately) several times a week, and this probably exacerbates the situation some. I am hoping that I will meet someone new and move on, but the waiting game is a hard one, and I think two years is maybe two years too long.

[Cave Dweller]

Have faith, sir. There is some lucky woman out there whom you have yet to meet.

[stasiu]

Have faith, sir. There is some lucky woman out there whom you have yet to meet.

Take it slow, keep focused on future dating and let the past go.

[isleepinthebuff]

The answer is to focus on yourself. Get down the gym (That way you won't feel that your next girlfriend is out of  your league). Focus on eating healthy rather than drinking badly. Channel your thoughts and frustrations elsewhere.

I've had a relationship that when it ended I thought that was it, it wasn't I met someone else and actually they fitted better but it took time and I enjoyed some me time and played the field till it happened.

[stasiu]

The answer is to focus on yourself. Get down the gym (That way you won't feel that your next girlfriend is out of  your league). Focus on eating healthy rather than drinking badly. Channel your thoughts and frustrations elsewhere.

I've had a relationship that when it ended I thought that was it, it wasn't I met someone else and actually they fitted better but it took time and I enjoyed some me time and played the field till it happened.

Very Good Advice !  Take and heed !  Keep SBG website as your favorites !

[Sir Harry]

Jim, I can sympathize....I've been down the road you're going too many times to even count. But you're fairly young and it's understandable to long for something that you had and will (probably) never get back.....that's just human nature, and it's not always with women either. But as life goes on, and you get older, you will appreciate the things life has to offer, and someday you will find that special someone to appreciate life along with you. Hang in there and good luck!

[Baldstu]

I have been down this pathway very few of us have not , mine was a man . 15 years later he apologised to me but it was too late , we parted again , just as friends . Un requited love is cruel but you do get over it and you will find another beautiful girl .