Thanks Tyler & Crew...

[Tim1776]

Tyler & crew…

I just wanted to quickly thank you for setting up this website.  It’s great to see a place where hair loss can be viewed for what it is – something completely natural that is certainly not the end of the world, and in fact can look quite sharp.

I posted once awhile back, during what I admit was a pretty tough time.  Since then, I’ve had a chance to chat quite a bit with some guys here, whose insight has been invaluable to me in helping to change my perspective on it all.

Without re-hashing it all in full detail, I was and am a “system” guy.  My hair was a huge part of my identity as a teen, and when it started falling out at 17, I freaked – I vividly remember not a year before declaring “I’ll never lose my hair! I’ll use Rogaine if I do!” – this was the mid/late 90s, when there was a lot of false hope flying around out there.  I didn’t have any close family or friends dealing with it, so the experience was definitely isolating – and, being the late 90s with no site like this out there, I thought my options were between Costanza and American History X!

It was looking pretty rough by age 20, and by 23 the battle was long over.  Thought about buzzing it down, but decided to go for the Hail Mary and went with the system right after college – wasn’t that tough to keep from people, as I’d become a total hat guy once things were really noticeable my last few years of school.

I was shocked, to say the least, when I got it.  What really lured me in were the ads, talking about “blending it in with your own hair.”  Naively – probably willfully to an extent – I thought this meant keeping what you had and just sort of filling it in – today, you can find out all about what you’re going in for in a ten second Google search, but I guess it was a bit different back then.  I’m sure the shock of it being quite a bit different than I hoped or expected made talking about it nearly impossible, so I just kind of buried it and went on with my life.  Of course, doing that will tend to come back to haunt you, and that’s exactly what happened during some tough times, which led me to the site.

More than ten years later, now in my 30s, friends who once had heads of hair nearly as luxurious as mine was are in various stages of balding.  As with most guys, they generally look just fine shaved or buzzed down, which was something I just couldn’t even conceive when I was 20 and it was going fast.  There’s been a huge change in attitude toward it over the last decade, due in large part to sites like this where guys can see from other guys that it’s not the end of the world by ANY means.  A lot of the acceptance we’re seeing towards all kinds of differences in people owes its thanks to the internet and social media, giving people a chance to connect on tough things.  And, let’s be honest, for MOST guys – especially young guys - balding is tough.  So thank you for helping guys get through a tough time.

As a system guy, there is one bit of conventional wisdom that I’ve read here that I want to challenge – namely, that you’ll look ridiculous or that you have a “dead rat” on your head.  To be honest – especially if you are younger – you CAN look great.  In fact, if you told 17-year-old me that I’d have the life I have now, and look the way I do, I’d be thrilled.  I look great, have received plenty of attention from girls, and nobody (including bald friends) has an idea.

I think it’s important to stress that as it takes away the most important reasons for not going the hair system route, and it’s what I couldn’t see when I went for it.  It’s not that you won’t look good – you probably will.  It’s that you’re grasping for a version of “you” that doesn’t exist anymore, which can really lead to some tough internal conflict.  If you go for it, you’ve got to be able to be completely honest with yourself, and with anybody else who would need to know – that you are still going bald – nothing can change that.  If you’re not ready to admit that, you’re asking for trouble down the line.  And I think that’s a very hard thing for a guy barely 20 years old to admit.

If you shave or buzz down, however, the “you” that you see is the “you” that exists.  It’s an approach that is being honest to yourself, as well as everybody else.  For most guys, in the end, it’s probably the more emotionally healthy way to go, even if letting go of your hair at a young age is a very difficult thing to do. 

If, by chance, any young guys out there are having a tough time, and have been considering going the hair system route, please feel free to shoot me a note.  There was a ton of dishonesty surrounding them back when I went for it, and I’d like to do what I can to help make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into.  I won’t tell any guy NOT to go for it, as it really might be the right course for some people (a lot of people, including some younger celebrities, look great with them – it’s not just Shatner out there!)  And, surprisingly I found, women don’t really care – at all (but again, telling them can be pretty tough).  I would suggest, however, that before going for it that you try buzzing it down for those 30 days, and seeing if you can live without your hair – my guess is that you can, and that you will look a lot better than you expect, without the emotional (and financial) burden that the system can bring.

I probably won’t become a regular poster around here, though I’m glad to help any guys who would like my perspective – it’s not a unique story (which, thanks to this site, I’m glad to see), but I’m still glad to help.  A few years ago, I could never imagine not having the system, but I also couldn’t ever talk about it.  I’ve got to thank several of the guys here for helping me to realize that there’s a lot more to life than how your hair looks (unthinkable for 17-year-old me!!), and system or no system, I’ll be just fine.

Thanks again, and take care.

[Mikekoz13]

This is a MOST outstanding post!!!!

[leighmundo40]

Fantastic that you have finally posted! As someone who had a similar story to your own, I think its great that guys can give a different perspective.

Life is about choices, some that we make are massively beneficial, others not so! Hindsight is a fantastic thing, I bet that there isnt a single one of us that hasnt thought "If ONLY I had/hadn't done that"

Kudos for posting your story, dont let it be your last contribution!

[wpruitt]

Great Post. 

[Sir Harry]

Welcome aboard, and thanks for sharing your story.

[xnewyawka]

Really great post Tim. I hope that it can help someone who is struggling with hair loss, and making yourself available to them is a great thing as well.
I am glad to hear you are at peace with your own loss of hair. It's nice to hear such truthful output on what you went through.
You should stick around, I'm sure there are some men (and women) that could use your input. 

[warhawk]

Hi Tim:  Welcome to the sly fraternity.  That was a great post.  Thanks for sharing.


WARHAWK

[Tim1776]

Thanks guys - I really appreciate the welcome, and the support. 

While I can't say I'm totally "at peace" with everything, I CAN say that I know that it's possible to be at peace with it, which is a long way from where I was a few years ago.  There are greater tragedies in this world than having to choose between living with fake (but pretty good looking...) hair or cropping your remaining hair down and still looking totally fine.  Thanks for helping to put it all into perspective.

[Focus]

Welcome here.

[Tyler]

Great post, Tim!!

[-Doug-]

Welcome Tim. Thanks for sharing your story.

[50plus]

Thank you Tim. Sometimes it seems one is doing something wrong! if they don't take certain action - in this case the shaving of ones head. As you may of read I wore a hair program for quite a few years until recently. Much of what you said I can relate to.
Each path is equally valid providing the decision made is what the individual really wants and knows to be OK within themselves. For me the hair program caused daily anguish on many levels BUT (and this is the most important bit) that was 'MY' experience, my journey if you like. No less valid a decision than anyone else's decision.

You write and express well and I really think you put important perspective on the topic especially if your decision is one you feel strongly and good within yourself about.

Thank you.

 
 

[Tim1776]

Thank you 50plus, and congratulations on making what is a VERY brave move!

You are absolutely right - in this case, there is no "right" and there is no "wrong."  It all comes down to whatever will make you happiest.

That said, as you well know, choosing the system route can lead to a lot of anguish if you're not able to accept it for what it is.  And I most certainly could not do that - first off, I didn't even KNOW what it was!  Once I began to have an idea, I had already been sold on going through with it.  When I DID go through with it, my first reaction was, "Holy ***, I'm wearing a wig!"  My second reaction, a few days later, was "Wow - it's ME again - the guy I never thought I'd see again."  Obviously, pretty conflicting.

More importantly, I REFUSED to admit I was going bald.  I'd seen a guy or two here or there I'd known from high school going bald and realized that there were at least a few guys my age losing their hair.  But not ME - wasn't going to happen to me!  So if you can't admit it to yourself, you can't admit it to anybody else, and you're just going to bury a lot of pain.  Of course, it all sounds kind of stupid to me now, but certainly not back then.  When I read Andre Agassi's story about losing his hair, I could TOTALLY relate!

Anyway, as you say, everybody's story is unique, and there's no one right way or one wrong way.  The only thing you can do is to use your own experience and own perspective to help other guys make more informed choices.  And again, I think that's what's great about this site, as it allows guys to remove the desperation from the equation and look at what's positive about whatever decision you choose.

Continued good luck!

[50plus]

Hi again Tim 1776. You made a mention of coming across a few past high school mates who were going bald. You probably

noticed them briefly and then moved on. It was but a fleeting moment and I doubt whether you judged them to the point of

thinking '...they are not worthy any more' OR 'I'm better than them'. Your memory brought about the following image -

Reverse the scenario where they see you bald. It would be the same thing in that no great epiphany would occur, no

real change in who you or they are as individuals or of members of the community. Life would be 99.99% the same

as it always was.

I say the above for two reasons: 1) You might be imagining life (post shave) in a way that is not the case at all and this may

be holding you back from shaving. I say this with respect though because this may not be the case at all for you.

2) The above was my own experience and I just wanted to share it.

All the Best to you and thank you for sharing.