Confidence and Success > How to Build Confidence

Hey all I need some help (18 years old), please read even though it's an essay

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USA man:
So I'm 18 and ever since I was a little tike I've had thin, light blonde hair at the temples. Anyway long story short I've had a buzzcut for some time now because I like being clean cut and it looks tougher...I just avoid looking at myself in the mirror at certain angles at which I don't think I look well lol. I have an asymmetrical, lumpy, funny looking and BIG egghead, and yes it's ironic that I've kept it buzzed for a few years now due to the aforementioned characteristics, but if I grow out my hair, it exaggerates the size and it looks girly, so it's a personal preference lol. I'm also slender, skinny, and short(yes, this description is not a good one for online dating). Anyway, I've been made fun of every now and then throughout my life about my head and my big nose, many a times which it really gets me down. But I rebound from that because it doesn't happen as often now that I'm out of high school and in the adult world with more respect.

What I'm getting at...is that my hair is now deciding to stop growing at the temples, and my hair is thinning at the sideburns. It's really bugging me that I can't control it, and that women care so much about physical stuff we can't control(many women are shallow in my opinion, especially with what men say on here about being rejected for being bald or I've seen someone say they encounter many women's online dating profiles that contain "I will not reply to bald men"). I look for reassurance from family members, but it doesn't really help all that much because I'm not a very mentally strong person. If I had the mental fortitude, I would have joined the military in a heartbeat because I love the vehicles and equipment and supposed adventure...but I knew I'd be the first one to break down and wash out of bootcamp, that's the strength of my mind, I'm trying to figure out how to become stronger mentally.

AND I completely agree with the fact that the women who reject baldies just because of being bald, are too shallow/superficial and not worth it anyway. But it seems as if the ones that are going out of their way to date and what not, actually are the picky ones, regardless of how good-looking they are themselves.

Soooo, since I have this really funny head, and yes it is funny. And hey why not say it since I'm talkin bout this crap, I have a big nose as well lol. Bottom line- I want to know how to NOT CARE in the future should I choose to shave it and go sly bald. Not care about the stares, not care about the rejection, the laughs, the ridicule...The "why don't you just use Rogaine?" This is HANDS DOWN the best "hair loss help" website. It's not a bunch of men that get insecure and are adamant about taking many medications with negative side effects, and even then their worry of hair loss will not go away! But I'm afraid of looking way older, and being in California, people are pretty shallow about looks, especially if I ever decide to go to some beach-type college like UCSB or Cal Poly Slo, or SDSU etc. etc. I'd be REALLY okay with it if I had a head shaped like Vin Diesel's or Brad Pitt's, but, it ain't even close haha.

I prefer not to post a picture, I value the anonymity with the aforementioned personal insecurities and what not.

So it's been making me pretty anxious, seeing the hairs on the desk I'm working at and what not. Ok, I'm under stating how anxious I am about it. My chest hurts, I sweat, and I can't focus on tasks or fall asleep at night. The worry about is killing me.

And yes I realize that it's vain I worry this much, and I do try to put it into perspective-many people have it way worse, are dying, starving, can't walk, and here I am almost suicidal over something so superficial, it pisses me off that I think this way, but it pisses me off just as much that it's happening to me as I've never made it with the ladies and don't have the confidence with them to begin with. I just want to not care about other's opinions and still be able to work on my lack of skills with women. I will do what I can and have always done which is stay groomed, stay fit/exercise, drink only occasionally, try to avoid eating unhealthy, have good hygiene and dress well. It seems as if our society pressures us into changing something that's out of our control, anti-aging/botox/balding(especially balding). It seems as if even the most confident of men lose confidence and panic at the signs of hair loss while grabbing the nearest container rogaine to feel better. I'm always for healthy eating habits and staying fit, but it's so unfair and saddening to me that MOST of (western?)society place emphases on these things.


Wise words and helpful words are very much appreciated, hopefully there are no trolls.


I'll go to not sleep...

Cave Dweller:
Just about every one of us on this board has someting about himself he would like to change. Welcome to the club. You are not vain. You are human.

I was balding while in college, so I can empathize somewhat with how you are feeling. I have found that most women have their heads on straight and are not looking for just a head of hair. You will find that if you treat your hair as no big deal and show confidence in yourself for who you are, most women will not be stopped by whatever state your hairline might be in.

Shallowness is going to be present in some women no matter what. They are the ones who will start to lament in their forties that "all the good men are either married or gay" even though they continue to reject men based solely upon some physical characteristic and hook up with guys who treat them like dirt, but have the physical look they think is important. My wife has a few friends like that. One won't date a guy with glasses.

One of the advantages of going smooth is that it takes away the MPB look and frees you from worrying about how your hair looks. If you want to try shaving, there are a lot of us here who will cheer you on. It really is very liberating.

Welcome.

Sir Harry:
Welcome, USA man!

You're not the first....and probably not the last to post such a similar introduction. Hopefully if you hang around, you can develop the confidence that you need to live life to the fullest regardless of hair. Just remember that people are going to treat you the way you treat yourself. If you come across as positive, people will attract to you more. Good luck to you and keep us posted!

geeman:
you have already had some great advice...all I can add is all if these anxieties and worries will vanish when you take control and shave or buzz....it will be your choice and at that moment you will feel a huge sense of relief...do it....be a man...stop putting up with all this crap....and start enjoying your life

Tyler:
USA man, first off, welcome to Sly Bald Guys.  You've come to the right place.

In regards to women in California, they care about the same thing all the other women care about - CONFIDENCE.  You're not going to attract every chick, just like every chick isn't going to attract you.  We all have our preferences, but in the end, it's about connecting at a level beyond physical attraction and that only happens if you're confident enough to have a conversation and connect.

I live in CA and went to a beach school, Pepperdine, and I can tell you the one thing I wish I would have done is college is shave my head.  Plus, I was on campus the other day and while it's not flowing with shaved heads, there were a few guys running around with them and doing it with pride.

Trust me and thousands of other guys that have shaved their heads, your life will be just fine, just remember that you're in control of it.

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