Hey all I need some help (18 years old), please read even though it's an essay

• Hey all I need some help (18 years old), please read even though it's an essay by USA man on 25 Jul, 2013 01:47
• So I'm 18 and ever since I was a little tike I've had thin, light blonde hair at the temples. Anyway long story short I've had a buzzcut for some time now because I like being clean cut and it looks tougher...I just avoid looking at myself in the mirror at certain angles at which I don't think I look well lol. I have an asymmetrical, lumpy, funny looking and BIG egghead, and yes it's ironic that I've kept it buzzed for a few years now due to the aforementioned characteristics, but if I grow out my hair, it exaggerates the size and it looks girly, so it's a personal preference lol. I'm also slender, skinny, and short(yes, this description is not a good one for online dating). Anyway, I've been made fun of every now and then throughout my life about my head and my big nose, many a times which it really gets me down. But I rebound from that because it doesn't happen as often now that I'm out of high school and in the adult world with more respect.
  
  What I'm getting at...is that my hair is now deciding to stop growing at the temples, and my hair is thinning at the sideburns. It's really bugging me that I can't control it, and that women care so much about physical stuff we can't control(many women are shallow in my opinion, especially with what men say on here about being rejected for being bald or I've seen someone say they encounter many women's online dating profiles that contain "I will not reply to bald men"). I look for reassurance from family members, but it doesn't really help all that much because I'm not a very mentally strong person. If I had the mental fortitude, I would have joined the military in a heartbeat because I love the vehicles and equipment and supposed adventure...but I knew I'd be the first one to break down and wash out of bootcamp, that's the strength of my mind, I'm trying to figure out how to become stronger mentally.
  
  AND I completely agree with the fact that the women who reject baldies just because of being bald, are too shallow/superficial and not worth it anyway. But it seems as if the ones that are going out of their way to date and what not, actually are the picky ones, regardless of how good-looking they are themselves.
  
  Soooo, since I have this really funny head, and yes it is funny. And hey why not say it since I'm talkin bout this crap, I have a big nose as well lol. Bottom line- I want to know how to NOT CARE in the future should I choose to shave it and go sly bald. Not care about the stares, not care about the rejection, the laughs, the ridicule...The "why don't you just use Rogaine?" This is HANDS DOWN the best "hair loss help" website. It's not a bunch of men that get insecure and are adamant about taking many medications with negative side effects, and even then their worry of hair loss will not go away! But I'm afraid of looking way older, and being in California, people are pretty shallow about looks, especially if I ever decide to go to some beach-type college like UCSB or Cal Poly Slo, or SDSU etc. etc. I'd be REALLY okay with it if I had a head shaped like Vin Diesel's or Brad Pitt's, but, it ain't even close haha.
  
  I prefer not to post a picture, I value the anonymity with the aforementioned personal insecurities and what not.
  
  So it's been making me pretty anxious, seeing the hairs on the desk I'm working at and what not. Ok, I'm under stating how anxious I am about it. My chest hurts, I sweat, and I can't focus on tasks or fall asleep at night. The worry about is killing me.
  
  And yes I realize that it's vain I worry this much, and I do try to put it into perspective-many people have it way worse, are dying, starving, can't walk, and here I am almost suicidal over something so superficial, it pisses me off that I think this way, but it pisses me off just as much that it's happening to me as I've never made it with the ladies and don't have the confidence with them to begin with. I just want to not care about other's opinions and still be able to work on my lack of skills with women. I will do what I can and have always done which is stay groomed, stay fit/exercise, drink only occasionally, try to avoid eating unhealthy, have good hygiene and dress well. It seems as if our society pressures us into changing something that's out of our control, anti-aging/botox/balding(especially balding). It seems as if even the most confident of men lose confidence and panic at the signs of hair loss while grabbing the nearest container rogaine to feel better. I'm always for healthy eating habits and staying fit, but it's so unfair and saddening to me that MOST of (western?)society place emphases on these things.
  
  
  Wise words and helpful words are very much appreciated, hopefully there are no trolls.
  
  
  I'll go to not sleep...
• #1 by Cave Dweller on 25 Jul, 2013 04:15
• Just about every one of us on this board has someting about himself he would like to change. Welcome to the club. You are not vain. You are human.
  
  I was balding while in college, so I can empathize somewhat with how you are feeling. I have found that most women have their heads on straight and are not looking for just a head of hair. You will find that if you treat your hair as no big deal and show confidence in yourself for who you are, most women will not be stopped by whatever state your hairline might be in.
  
  Shallowness is going to be present in some women no matter what. They are the ones who will start to lament in their forties that "all the good men are either married or gay" even though they continue to reject men based solely upon some physical characteristic and hook up with guys who treat them like dirt, but have the physical look they think is important. My wife has a few friends like that. One won't date a guy with glasses.
  
  One of the advantages of going smooth is that it takes away the MPB look and frees you from worrying about how your hair looks. If you want to try shaving, there are a lot of us here who will cheer you on. It really is very liberating.
  
  Welcome.
  
• #2 by Sir Harry on 25 Jul, 2013 06:24
• Welcome, USA man!
  
  You're not the first....and probably not the last to post such a similar introduction. Hopefully if you hang around, you can develop the confidence that you need to live life to the fullest regardless of hair. Just remember that people are going to treat you the way you treat yourself. If you come across as positive, people will attract to you more. Good luck to you and keep us posted!
• #3 by geeman on 25 Jul, 2013 07:42
• you have already had some great advice...all I can add is all if these anxieties and worries will vanish when you take control and shave or buzz....it will be your choice and at that moment you will feel a huge sense of relief...do it....be a man...stop putting up with all this crap....and start enjoying your life
• #4 by Tyler on 26 Jul, 2013 02:23
• USA man, first off, welcome to Sly Bald Guys.  You've come to the right place.
  
  In regards to women in California, they care about the same thing all the other women care about - CONFIDENCE.  You're not going to attract every chick, just like every chick isn't going to attract you.  We all have our preferences, but in the end, it's about connecting at a level beyond physical attraction and that only happens if you're confident enough to have a conversation and connect.
  
  I live in CA and went to a beach school, Pepperdine, and I can tell you the one thing I wish I would have done is college is shave my head.  Plus, I was on campus the other day and while it's not flowing with shaved heads, there were a few guys running around with them and doing it with pride.
  
  Trust me and thousands of other guys that have shaved their heads, your life will be just fine, just remember that you're in control of it.
  
  
• #5 by USA man on 26 Jul, 2013 23:47
• But how do I up and say, "I don't give a F what people think," and be confident? Doesn't a lot of confidence come from pride of appearance? And lack of confidence comes from fear of what people think of you?
• #6 by Sir Harry on 27 Jul, 2013 03:44
• Quote from: USA man on 26 Jul, 2013 23:47

  But how do I up and say, "I don't give a F what people think," and be confident? Doesn't a lot of confidence come from pride of appearance? And lack of confidence comes from fear of what people think of you?
  

  
  You don't necessarily have to say "I don't give a....". If people are making fun of you or making comments and you just simply ignore them or reply "Thanks" and come across as if what people say don't phase you, you give the aura that you are happy with yourself and (eventually) it won't be an issue with other people. Waking up each morning with a "this is MY day" positive attitude will be a step in that direction. It's going to take time and practice, but it can be done. Good Luck!
• #7 by mrzed on 27 Jul, 2013 06:21
• Welcome to SBG.  This is the right place to raise these questions.
  
  You DO have control over your hair when you shave your head.  Many of the guys here will tell you that it is a huge confidence builder.
  
  I used to buzz my head as you describe. Then some friends urged me to just shave it off. So here I am just urging you to shave it off.
  
  I did the deed. Put on a smile and walked out the front door with something that not everyone has and which not everyone is willing to do. I shaved my head bald.  Best grooming thing I have done. I still wear a smile, when is extra big when I see a guy with thinning hair or balding and he really should shave his head, too.
  
  You don't need thinning hair as a reason to shave your head. It's just a cool look. Head shave/size bumps, irregularities don't matter. That's just you.  The owner of the head sees way more than other observers.  Just shave your head. You'll enjoy the freedom.
  
  
• #8 by Sancho on 27 Jul, 2013 07:02
• USA man, you seem to have given yourself the best advice available, if you re-read your post. Thoughtful and perceptive, if a little hard on yourself. A lot of people, men and women, are shallow sometimes about things like looks, money, etc., but that´s just human nature. It´s really about building your confidence, nothing to do with hair. I´m not technically bald, I´m 51, but on-and-off throughout my life, since age 18, I´ve given myself a buzz-cut at No.1 or No.2 blade. (I don´t shave because I find it uncomfortable, and have never mastered the art of shaving without leaving "nicks" all over my scalp). You have a healthy attitude to a balanced lifestyle, which is a bonus. If you can´t sleep or are severely anxious about this issue, maybe go and see a GP (doctor) and get some advice. Get your sleep patterns together first, and your anxiety levels will decrease. All will be well.
• #9 by TheSlyBear on 27 Jul, 2013 12:37
• Do you think that you cannot take pride in your appliance if you've shaved your head? Quite the opposite, my man. A smooth, clean shaved head is something to hold one's head high, literally, about
  
  Do I look like I don't take pride in my appearance?
  <--------
  
  Do you dress like a slob? If so, don't.
  
  Do you take care of your skin? If not, start.
  
  Do you smile and hold your head up high, and look people in the eye when speaking? If not, start.
  
  Also, respecting yourself for more than your appearance is something that goes deeper than what you see in the mirror.
  
  And do you know what leads to self-respect? Taking control. Rather than letting circumstances lead you to just give up, take control of your own life and don't let something completely superficial like "I'm losing my hair" serve as an excuse to opt out.