Massive Influx of Depression - is baldness the way forward for my head?

[Carnehan]

Hey SBGs.

I'm a 22 year old who's been going bald for quite a few years now, but it has now reached a point where its pretty clear to the casual observer even when my hair is sitting normally (rather than pulled back tight, as you'll see below). Until recently I was reasonably content with my life (it was nothing great, but I was okay with it). This was largely due to an non-deliberate policy of "splendid isolation" outside of family and a circle of long time friends and genuine apathy about the things most people care about. Lately, however, that's broken down for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is the realisation that I may be falling in love with someone who no longer wants to be anything more than friends (a someone I must see and work with nearly every day, all while actively proclaiming nothing more than platonic interest in her). I'm really rather depressed right now.

What's all this got to do with balding? Well, this reunion with depression has made me far more conscious and concerned about my cranial appearance. I don't like my head shape, at all. It's massive above the eyes, and what's below them isn't exactly stellar. I've received nothing but hassle about it all my life, and while this hasn't been too much of a problem in adult life with large amounts of hair and fringe to aid me I fear it'll become one if I shave sly. Honestly, I have not too much of a problem going bald in theory. If I were designing my perfect appearance, would I pick it for myself? No, even if I may well still shave down sometimes. Honestly, going bald I could deal with reasonably well, if I didn't have this head that I am so frustrated by.

While this fundamental issue of my head / face is plaguing me, I feel like I can't move on with my life / self-improve to make me feel better myself and about my inability to hold onto the one person in recent months or years that I've really cared about. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying she left me because I'm going bald, or even because of the shape of my head, but I'm sure that the shape (which is not well hidden by baldness) didn't help, and collectively they're a prominent, easy to focus on symbol for my self-loathing if nothing else. The head shape (increasingly on display due to my growing baldness) has become the visual symbol of my inability to maintain a stable, positive outlook state in my post-apathetic, post-"Dexter-without-serial-killer-urges life", and every time I have to look at it, contemplate it, or worse yet contemplate others looking at it, I feel like anything else I do to improve myself and my outlook is just pissing in the wind.

Why am I posting all this? Well, most guys I've seen here while reading the support forums have seemed to have what I'd consider decent or even desirable head shapes, so the act of going bald has been what they're most afraid of. For me, baldness is a catalyst for confronting my greater cosmetic demon, and of secondary scariness to the head shape issue. It's not helped by the fact that many websites (though not so much this one) advocating the sly look as a solution to baldness woes throw in the qualification of "go for it IF you've got a good shaped head", which I'm fairly sure I don't meet. I'm wondering the extent to which my head appears abnormal or unbecoming of the sly look. I don't know whether shaving it all off this weekend or next one will help me get over my self-loathing or leave me a crushed mess, especially when (while my options are limited and non-existent in the long-term), I could probably afford to hide my cosmetic frailties with Nanogen fibres for a while longer.

Here's a picture from the front, with me pulling my remaining hair back tight.



Another with hair back a bit less/no hand obstruction:





It looks far worse from the side, in my honest opinion. So much worse that I've not yet built the confidence to put it on display here, though that might change soon.

P.S. Although I was recently diagnosed with moderately bad iron deficiency, I'm pretty confident that my baldness is a case of MPB. I'm not taking pills to correct my iron deficiency, which may provide a little boost to hair coverage, but it'll take months to even begin regrowing anyway and I'm not sure I could take the hit if I began investing hope in that as my salvation only for no result to flourish six months later.

Sorry for the first world problems, by the way. I feel bad posting all this because I know there are starving people in North Korea, marathon runners getting attacked in Boston, and people playing through to the end of Mass Effect 3 who have it far worse than me, but it is a forum about balding issues, so...  

Thanks for your consideration. Sorry it was so tl;dr.

[Carnehan]

I know double posts are uncouth, but I can't edit my first post. Instead I keep getting an error message that will not let me edit.

Here's what I was going to add in. Perhaps a mod can merge the contents of the two posts if double posting is a severe deal.

"And another, with less hair being pulled back / no hand obstruction:



It looks far worse from the side, in my honest opinion. Here's an unflattering picture from that perspective:

"

[Tyler]

Hey Carnehan.  I know what you're going through is difficult, but you have the same worries that many of the guys had before shaving their head.  The good news is that they all found that their worries were unfounded once they shaved their head.  Go ahead with the 30 day rule and shave your head for 30 days straight.  My guess is that you'll be happy with your choice once you do.

[stasiu]

Welcome to SBG !   Carnehan, you are a very handsome young balding man dealing not only with hair loss and manhood but a relationship as well.  Yes ... all rolled into one.  Take life in stride and have some fun.  Stressing out in not in your best interests.  If you are ready to go razor smooth, then do it.  If not, get a medium buzzcut and go progressively tighter until you are ready to be skinned.  Sounds like you accepting MPB genetics (what else can you do?).  Thank you for sharing and please keep posting your progress.

[leighmundo40]

Hey there and welcome!  Well, yes, your hair is thinning and receding, typical MPB (damn those 3 letters!) Growing your hair longer emphasises the thinning, so try getting it cut shorter to see what you think. You can then start to go shorter as and when you are ready. Or you might just go "Sod it!" and get rid of the lot!

You look like you could pull off the buzzed look.

Good luck!

[TV guy]

Hi guy,

You are in no way hideous; you are good looking as you are, you have very attractive eyes (the most important feature) AND there are many options for enhancing what you have.

There is no "deformity" that really matters. Every look/feature that a man has, will be loved by some women and repulse others. I had a friend with HUGE ears, I mean gargantuan. In his teen years he hid them under major hair; when he joined the forces the hair came off and the jug ears were very obvious. He did OK with the ladies as a teen; he did OK with the ladies as an adult. Often "Model" handsome/beautiful people have big relationship problems because initial attraction quickly wears off and both partners realize just how shallow and selfish the other is. If you are open to it, love will find you. AND there is nothing wrong with having females who are truly friends (only).

I promised you options...OK.

You resemble a male member of the British Royal family...look at how they cope with hair loss; a decent and probably expensive haircut, good but not over the top clothes and confidence. You could do that.

Not your style?  The thicker longer hair at the back and sides emphasizes the loss on top...cut the back and sides short, preferably REAL short even a military style high and tight. If you wear militaryish clothing of good cut and material you'll look real sharp.

Want something more classic? under the same theory get a retro style like a modified pomp. Let the top grow quite long, cut the sides and back short and use a hair cream or pomade. Wear classic classy clothes like suits and ties and polish those shoes.

Want something wilder? under the same theory get a Mohawk! You're young enough. Clean shave the sides and the top hair will look thick. Wear conservative clothing with the Mohawk and go easy on the tattoos and piercings or forget them altogether and you will look hip AND responsible...if you do this, for god's sake SMILE.

Bald always trumps balding. Nobody looks worse than Trump...Donald Trump. You could just shave your head clean. Your apprehension notwithstanding, you'll look fine, possibly a little older(?) but smooth and sophisticated and again good clothes...loose the t-shirt/jeans look. I recently had my head shaved at a cancer charity event, although I have been bald many times before. I had "good" hair and the loss of it is completely unimportant. The very act of giving is a wonderful antidepressant to begin with. The camaraderie amongst the shavees, most of them cops, was great. I have a perfect reply to anyone who criticizes my hair style choice; "is vanity really more important than fighting CANCER?" AND it feels damm good - often nearly erotic. You could shave at a charity event in your area. AND did I mention, it feels damm good.

It might be worth trying a buzzcut but I think you'll find that it emphasises hair loss in your case.

Take the iron pills...if it helps the hair thats a bonus but health is paramount.

Don't apologize for your concerns, you can't worry about the whole world or do anything about every single problem. Live your life...your worries are legitimate FOR YOU. This "hair thing" is something you can overcome...nay WILL overcome. Choose your solution and go for it.

Cheers my friend.

[smoothsailing]

You can try doing what these other guys are suggesting... gradually shaving it shorter, different styles, etc.  But I haven't had a buzz cut since I was 10 and frankly it's not my style.  I went from medium length hair to bald and there are a few reasons I think this is superior:

1. Less anxiety - you don't have to grow out your hair for a new style, and gradually buzzing only increases your worries about "how does it look?"  bald is the final frontier and you can't get any balder than bald.  The process of shaving your head down is nice if you want to stay under the radar, but it also extends the amount of time you spend worrying about your hairline.  The sooner it's gone, the better you'll feel (at least that's how I experienced it)

2. Drastic change - I know most people see this as negative but I really enjoyed the sudden change.  Many people gave me more attention for the first week which made me feel special   also the sudden change makes your style more of an extreme haircut rather than a slow descent into acceptance that you are in fact losing your hairstyle options

3. Fast results - If you don't like it, at least you didn't spend 6 weeks getting to it.  Just give it a couple weeks and you can grow it out back to your previous length and pick up where you left off...

I personally suggest going straight bald.  It's stylish and people will get used to it after a few days - the shock doesn't last long.

PS: the biggest plus in my opinion to bald or buzzed is that you don't have to worry about how your hair looks- ever.  I wake up every morning and I don't even look in the mirror anymore.  I spend enough time doing that when I shave  

PSS:  I have what seems to be your exact same balding pattern.  Trust me, your bangs wont look good short length if they're anything like mine were.  If you really wanna cover up without being bald, go for the buzz!