Bald or not bald (try or accept)

[Paul harty]

Hi all

I am new to this and have read loads about Propecia and
Finasteride, regain, herbal the stuff you put on your head to reduce dht locally. I have dark hair and little coloured skin so have a visible shadow/ contrast.

To be honest I have broken down a few times over the last 2 months as people and eappsically girls have commenters on me about my age (you are old enough to be my dad) another when I took my hat off left the party and said sorry I was drunk when I first met you, in general I get less attention and have only just realised what it is like to be less attractive then before and have made so many mistakes with girls and feel like u will never meet another who I am attracted to again.

It sounds silly but I feel like I am living in a nightmare. I am 28 but have never committed my self to a girl and have realised I have made so many mistakes in the past and I feels like if I went back I could be a better person in the sense that I will realise that girls did actually like me and I was too shy. Now I am even more self aware and can't walk down the street without my hat and am moving tomorrow and starting a new job. The reason I left my other job was because a girl I liked went off me and I only realised she liked my afterwards but was too shy to talk with her, these past 4 months have changed my life forever and I will never be that person again, I feel sick writing about it but just want yiu advice on if I should completely shave my head based in my picture or try so products like Propecia
Finasteride as I have tried regain with not succes. Sorry for the mistake of spelling an grammar

Thank you.

Paul

[Paul harty]

I am not sure how to upload a picture but can email you one as it might help from someone who has been in this situation

Thank you

[sahil15]

Hi paul,

Im new myself. been on the forum a few days. Not sure if Im even cut out to give advice at the moment as I deeply feel the same things you are. But you have joined the right place to let it all out. You will be getting some great advice pretty soon. I have tried these drugs and they never really helped me but in my case I started taking them too late and there was no chance for my hair by then. Yea a picture would help to assess the situation... send me a pic at sahil15@gmail.com

Regarding the female situation... some one will come along eventually... It wasnt clear from your post but that girl go off you because of your hair loss (not that it matters) or just in general.

Thanks
Sahil

[MarkusToe]

hey paul, welcome to the forum - I think you found the right place

I shaved my head about a month ago - I went through some pretty rough time myself around end of october and it really started getting better after I shaved my head and moved on to more important things then hairloss. my girlfriend of three years broke up with me while she was staying in Argentina for 3 months - my hairloss hasn't been that obviously but it still bothered me every day and when I realized that I was thinking about it most of the time and I couldn't get done anything else I knew I had to change something. I had some beautiful girlfriends but what I realized now is that those relationships didn't make me more confident - I think i kind of objectified my girlfriends - although I had some of the best times so far in my life with them I always thought I needed a beautiful girlfriend on my side so that other people would accept me or wouldn't object me - this kind of thinking lead me to accept lots of abusive behavior from different people. It very rarely occurred to me that I don't have to accept everything because I had to take every chance of affection I could get - so in that way I didn't really respect myself. I always felt and still feel from time to time anxious and nervous around people I think are attractive. Whenever someone acted rudely around me I related that to my looks - so you can think that I have been quite a shy person too. when hair loss started I thought that no one would accept me the way I am and that from now on I would have to be lonely forever   although it sounds like a stock phrase its true: how could anyone else respect me if I cant do it myself? I also found out that between relationships I've always been most confident - because I didn't try to please other people, there was only me and I could concentrate on being good to myself instead of fearing being rejected if I didnt do like other people expected me to.

so if hair loss is keeping you busy most of the time I would recommend shaving - for me it was such a relief - mostly because while having hair I thought "maybe if I get another haircut I'll feel more confident" or "hm, today I don't like how I look, maybe tomorrow my hair will look differently and then I'll be satisfied" - but this only worked for very little time - now I finally got the chance to accept me how I am and shaving my head was another step in following my gut instincts instead of thinking about what to do to make other people liking me - don't waste your time and energy on drugs and other things - I think mostly this will not address the basic problem - you know those people who have one plastic surgery and then lots more are following because they are still not happy with themselves?

although I understand all those things now logically it still takes time to really incorporate them in my thinking - I also started psychotherpay which has done lots for me so far and I would recommend the book Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_10?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=get%20out%20of%20your%20mind%20and%20into%20your%20life&sprefix=get%20out%20of%2Caps%2C306&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Aget%20out%20of%20your%20mind%20and%20into%20your%20life I think you can find it for free on torrent sites

I think instead of focusing on getting a girlfriend to end your struggle try to figure out what made you shy so far and what destructive beliefs are holding you back - if you find out that baldness is one of those things shave your head and start living again   the right girl will definitely come when you are ready - it definitely is the hard road but from my experience I can say that my problems definitely were interfering with my relationships - and those relationships even strengthend my issues

[MarkusToe]

hey and don't put yourself down by saying things like you made so many mistakes in the past - I'm sure you've done what you thought was right at that time or what you've been able to do - now you can learn from those experiences and try to make it better the next time - thats what failures are here for (I know I know, another stock phrase  )

[Andrei]

Welcome to the forum Paul.
Sly or not sly you should feel good in your own shoes. If you don't enjoy your look and don't feel comfortable why should anybody else feel better in your company?
You say girls find you less attractive now, I say you need to date better women.
So, if you are balding; even if you're not balding, but just thinking about shaving your head then go for it. If you don't like, well, hair grows pretty fast, plus it's a one of a kind experience.

[Andrei]

Regarding the photo, you should resize it (make it smaller) and then you'll be able to use it for your avatar.

[leighmundo40]

Hey there. I think that a lot of us have been in the same situation. It's not the end of your life, it's the end of a particular chapter in your life. It's important to remember that hairloss is not caused by how we live our lives, if we are unpleasant or nice, it just happens and it sucks!

You WILL feel better, but there isnt a time span on when you will.

There are lots of guys on here of your age who have been through the same thing. Read some threads, ask some questions, send some messages.

[Lynchy]

Welcome mate,

Sorry to hear you having a bad time with the hair loss.

I hope you find some peace with it!

[mrzed]

Regarding the photo, you should resize it (make it smaller) and then you'll be able to use it for your avatar.

Aim for about 65k size.  Irfanview is a windows tool, free, to resize pictures and other things.

[mrzed]

Welcome paul.

Take a look around here and see all the bald guys who shave their full head of hair or what's left of their hair. They look good and really enjoy being bald.  The  join us.  Being bald is fun. Not every one is willing to do it. Those who do, really like it.

[Bilko1]

I would just like to encourage you to take the step and have all your hair buzzed off & then shaved smooth. There is a kind of confidence boost that comes when you make the decision to become sly by choice & a lot of girls are attracted to guys that have confidence. Don't worry, just let go of the hair & embrace the new, bald you.

The experience of having your head shaved smooth is quite amazing, it really is. Just go for it.

All the best.

[Sir Harry]

Welcome aboard and good luck!

[geeman]

echoing my brothers, if hair loss is making such an impact on your happiness, shave it, I did, I'm 31 days in and love it, it shows you're in command of how you look, it gives you confidence, and girls like it, and some don't, the shallow ones, who only care about looks, would you want someone like that as your girlfriend? I promise you, you will feel so much better, no more stressing over thinning hair, or worrying about how you look

[Bilko1]

Well said, Geeman.