THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY:

[Switchy]

- Oops!

- Has anyone seen my watch?

-That was some party last night.  I can't remember when I've been that drunk.

- Damm! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

- Well this book doesn't say that ...  What edition is your manual?

- OK, now take a picture from this angle.  This is truly a freak of nature.

-Better save that.  We will need it for a autopsy.

-Come back here with that !  Bad dog !

-Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

-Hand me that... uh... that uh ..... that thingy.

-  If I can just remeber how they did this on ER last week.

-Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before ?

- Damm , there go the lights again.

-Ya  know, there's big money in kidneys.  Hell, the guy's got two of two of 'em.

-Everybody stand back !  I lost my contact len's!

-Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.

-I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.

-Well folks, this will be and experiment for all of us.

-Sterile, schmerile. The floor's clean right ?

-What do you mean he's not in for a sex change!

--What do you mean he's not insured?

-This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

-Nurse, did this patient sighn the organ donation card?

-Don't worry.  I think it's sharp enough.

-What do you mean'You want a divorce?'!

-I don't don't what it is , but hurry up and pack it in ice.

-Let's hurry, I don't want to miss Bay Watch.

-That laughing gas stuff is pretty cool.  Can I have some more of that?

Sorry but have to go, next operation is here .  Have a great day and come and see me .

[Hingatao]

Very good!
Reminds me of something that happened on my ship a few months ago. I was making a delivery to the bridge one evening about a half hour after leaving port. The captain, staff captain and chief mate were huddled around one of the computer screens. I wasn't really paying attention to what they were doing but I did hear one of them say "That doesn't look right". What made it especially unnerving was that it sounded like the captain's voice.

[imaginary]

I work in a shoe department, and I occassionally have the chance to be in the phone order room. Some of the requests are "interesting" to say the least. One person told me of a customer who was ordering a pair of Michael Kors boots from the hospital. My response to the person (not the customer of course,) was if the customer was planning to wear them during the surgery.

[OzSly]

  Switchy

[NoPony]

Some years ago while I was undergoing Angioplasty surgery, the staff were all listening to a hockey game over the intercom, but then again it was the Stanley Cup playoffs.
What really pi$$ed me off though, was that I was too groggy to follow the game.

[Todo Duro]

I'll throw in a pet harted from real life, ie is the doc asking "do you want to see it?" after the surgery. Happened to me twice, first time after having some extensive hand surgery following a work accident, second time at the dentist's having a broken tooth pulled. "Do you want to see it?", well NO. I don't care how interesting a specimen it is, If God put it inside that means I was not meant to see it and I'd rather keep it that way, thank you

[notquitethere]

Actually happened to me. At the dentist having a temporary crown replaced with the permanent one. Before the gas had taken full effect, he started poking around, got the temp crown off and I heard "Hmmph, that's not good" ...then I was out.

[MAKS]

Hello, my name is Dr. ..., and this is the first time to perform this kind of surgery.

[Hingatao]

Uh oh.