Need some relationship advice

[Mike]

So here's some background. Way back when I was a freshman in high school, I first saw this girl at my neighbors house. We started talking and hanging out at lunch and everything before too long. I showed goats against her and always won but she was a good sport about it. Then we started to get into that teasing phase, I started working on her families dairy and we would work together all the time. Then I got a retail job and stopped talking to her. We barely kept in touch but always felt great around each other. I moved to the city, she went away to school, we kept in contact on facebook every once in a while.

 So, when I moved back home I started thinking about her again. I lost her number and she deleted her page, well we ran into each other at the store one day and started talking again. She was working at the university so trying to find time was a pain. I finally got the nerve to ask her out. At first it was just to go out for dinner and catch up on old times, nothing fancy. Well she asked if it was just friends getting together or a date. I told her she could consider it a date if she wanted which her response was something along the lines of "If it's a real date, I'll wear clean clothes, otherwise I'll just wear my chore boots" so I told her it was a real date. The place we went pretty much rushed us through dinner so it didn't turn out as planned. That was a couple months back.

 Now she is back from working at university again and I asked her out again. Is this wise? I have never really dated like this. I have had feelings for her for about 10 years and neither of us have really dated. Since I haven't had a successful relationship, I need some pointers.

[Mike]

Something Sly related goes way back. We were at her family BBQ when we were in school and her mom said that the Dr that delivered her was bald and he made her scream like no other so she'll never trust or like a bald man. She brought this saying up again when the Sly coach at school substituted in our ag class in Senior year. After that, I moved to the city and went Sly, she didn't see me for a couple years and flat out said she didn't like bald guys. Now when I get the idea of maybe letting my hair grow out and mention it to her, she always tells me that she prefers me smooth.

 

[MrsCostanza]

Hi,

I can't comment on any of the sly stuff, but my opinion on the should I/shouldn't I is that you should!

Don't play games, don't hold back feelings or say something that isn't true. Obviously within the realm of acceptable social behaviour, just be honest

I think if she agreed to go on a real, proper date then she's definitely into you, especially after years of friendship!

I hope I followed your question and have answered appropriately.

Good luck! Just go for it! Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

P.s. speaking from my own experience only, I did NOT want a bald husband, but within a week I realized I was so wrong! For me, it was a mental block I had to get past. It actually looks really cool!

[Gary~]

Don't play games, don't hold back feelings or say something that isn't true. Obviously within the realm of acceptable social behaviour, just be honest

I think if she agreed to go on a real, proper date then she's definitely into you, especially after years of friendship!

+1 to the above.

Since I haven't had a successful relationship, I need some pointers.

I wonder what a successful relationship is? If you get married and stay together for 5 or 15 years and then get divorced would that qualify as successful? -- I reckon it would. On the other hand from the standpoint of gene survival it would only be successful if offspring were produced.

Now I see though that happiness has to be factored into the equation also. If you were together for 15 years and unhappy most of the time then that wouldn't be successful. What if you were together with someone for 30 days with 29 of those days being happier than normal and the 30th being unhappy to the point of break-up. I think that that might be a successful relationship. Maybe you have had a successful relationship?

[isleepinthebuff]

Relationships take time to form. Don't think so long term. Ask her out, have some banter, enjoy some dates and do things you both enjoy and that are fun. You'll either start wanting to spend more time together, or it will fizzle out.

Just enjoy it day to day and then suddenly you might find you are in a relationship.

From what I see of your posts you come across as a nice guy, you're good looking whether it be sly or not - therefore, I am sure it won't be long until you do have a relationship! Good luck, buddy!

[leighmundo40]

Life is too short to not do stuff because you wonder what might happen if it goes wrong. Go for it! if it works out, that's fantastic!, if it doesnt, then at least you tried and you wont always be thinking "What if?"

Sorry to come over all nu-age!

[bella]

You've gotten some great advice so far! 

Try not to think of "having a relationship" as a well defined process that proceeds a certain way and one can be good/bad at. 

If you both express/act on your feelings, remain respectful, and communicate fairly well, things will proceed naturally, whether you end up falling head over heels for each other, or things fizzle out, or something in the middle.

And everyone I know, no matter how much experience they've had, feels a little awkward and unsure in the early stages of a relationship.  It's part of the fun, though it might not always feel very fun 

[benlen]

I am currently single, but I consider every relationship I've ever had to have been "successful" in the sense that each has taught me something. The first taught me not to date someone just because she was into me. The second that I should never accept a woman who cheats, etc, etc...

It seems like everything is going for this to happen, except the motivation. Don't expect the woman to do the work! Be the MAN! Either you want to be in a relationship with her or not, but don't string her around. Either full and ask her out for a real date or keep it platonic.


And with that said, if things don't work out, she'll at least respect you for having the courage to really ask her out.

As for her mother, well, all mother's are like that––until you prove them wrong.

[Frontier Guy]

I'm just reinforcing what everyone else wrote.

You look better sly, and she prefers that. Close the door on that question. Don't worry what her mom says.

And just proceed with enjoying a date with her. Don't obsess about the details or make it too complicated.

She knows you, and you know her. No one has anything to prove.

Life is to be enjoyed. Get on with it. See where it goes.

[Switchy]

Sounds like some good history there.  Be honest, forthright, and have fun .  Take it as it comes and if there is  you will know it . 

[Oracle]

Mike, go for it!  Have a good time and see where this goes.  It's obvious that this young lady is into you so don't let this opportunity slip away from you.

It will have been better to have loved and lost than to have to ask yourself "What if?" for the rest of your life.

Jim

[slymyke]

Mike,

I had to stop to remember that you are a farmer... when you said that you "showed goats against her and always won"   At first, I was thinking that was an expression that I haven't heard yet.  <lol> 

Since you have had feelings for her for the past 10 years, you owe it to yourself to ask her out on an official date again... (this time at a place that won't rush you).  It sounds like she is feeling the same way and is very open to you, so you owe it to her as well.  It sounds like something that needs to be pursued.  As Benlen mentioned, the learning that takes place in any relationship is priceless, so if for that reason alone, you will be making a good decision. 

It sounds like your lives would mesh together very nicely.  Plus, she made a point to tell you she prefers you Sly... how awesome is that?!?!?!    Regardless of what her mother said about the bald doctor who delivered her years ago, she is able to see how ridiculous of a statement that was.  I'm sure you are the guy who can prove her wrong.

Go for it!   

[MrsCostanza]

Tell us how you go!!

[Mike]

Our schedules didn't match up this past week but next Tuesday we're going to a BBQ place.
  I don't know if it is just me being me or if others can see my point of view on this. I am one of the few people left it seems that believes that sex should wait until after marriage. Well, I heard through the grape vine that she has lost her virginity a few years back. Is it bad that it changes me view of her? I know she hasn't gone out sleeping around but it has still altered the way I see her

[killingmesoftly]

Well, I would say that you are wrong, but you may not be able to help it.

I am an atheist, but from I understand a Christian is suppose to be Christ-like. There are a few instances in the bible where Jesus testified to and forgave prostitutes, including the Woman at the Well and woman who washed Jesus' feet with her tears.  So, to that I say if Jesus could accept those people for who they are are, surely you can accept this girl for who she is?  Have you not sinned before (not saying that it is a sin, because I don't believe in sin)?  Was your sin a "better sin?"

I would try to cut her some slack or find a girl that fits the mold that you are looking for.  To be honest, sex really is not a big deal and should define a person.  When it comes down to it, its just 2 pieces of skin bumping in to each other.

If you absolutely can't get over it, you should probably let her go, because it doesn't sound like a healthy way to start a relationship.

Finally, it may not even be true, though at her age, it is very likely it is just based on statistical data.