The Intimidation Factor

[guido57]

I'm a pretty big guy, 6'4'', about 250. I can't help that. I went from long hair and beard most of my adult life ( I'm 55 ). I took the plunge around Christmas time and all of the reactions have been positive. Okay, most of them. I guess if you're the type who gets intimidated easily then, until you get to know me, I'm gonna intimidate you.People at work said I look more like a biker now and I'm much more scary looking! Not everyone, mind you, but the three or four that did made me kind of wonder about society's view of what is normal. It's actually quite humorous. Of course I've gotten the Mr. Clean comparison, but at least it's a refreshing change from the " Hey ZZ Top " remarks, for lack of a better term.

I'm curious if any of you sly guys and gals have experienced similar reactions?

[Switchy]

Yes, I sure do understand  I really never had the hair part but had one long ZZ Beard,  swore I would never shave it. I am only 6'1" and 200  now but at one time 250 lbs.  to much beer .   But there was that factor, and still is so.  But I smile alot, still don't like to clean  but like it Sly and Clean !   

[imaginary]

Sometimes it is height. Other times, it has to do with the way one carries him or her self. I've heard similar remarks about my appearance, and I'm only 5'4". And in case if you are wondering, yes I do feel I have a case of Napoleon Complex.

[Laser Man]

I posted a similar thread a while back after going sly.  I noticed strangers acting more deferential as if they were intimidated by me - things like holding the door, saying "sir", etc.  It was kind of weird until my daughter told me that I looked intimidating like a state trooper!

My advice is to just be polite and smile.  After a while, you won't notice it.

[bella]

I'm a munchkin!  

5'3" and slight and for me it's the opposite, nobody seeing me sly thinks I'm tough, they think I'm sick.  Good thing I have badass posture and confidence and can set anyone who is really curious straight!

(To be fair, 99% of people don't give me a second look.  Those who do and know me are all about "rocking on!"; it's those few who approach me out of nowhere who seem to associate me with being sickly.  And of course I internalize the bad feedback, but by far most feedback has been positive as me being a badass barrier-busting babe).

And I do get a fair amount of random thumbs-ups to make it worth it!

Speaking as a 30 yo female, the tall bald guy trope as being a security guard/bouncer/biker/tough guy has been over for a while.  My friends my age tend to either view tall, large bald guys neutrally, or with some affection.

The only friend I've spoken to since this post went up and I agree that we view shaved guys as much gentler than others, because they clearly know how to groom themselves  

Not saying there isn't a big bald guy out there who could scare the sh*t out of me.  But they would need a good reason to and merely being bald ain't gonna cut it!

[gutsygirl]

Well, sometimes I look sick because heh...I am sick.  So sometimes it shows up in my face and the bald head doesn't help much.  Those are tough days anyhow.  I do think being bald and being unable to hide behind my hair does make it a little more obvious when I'm feeling crummy, however. 

But I have lots more days in the last year (since a major diet change) when I look a lot better and color has come back to my face.  I smile more too because I have the energy to smile again.   

So if I'm not smiling and I'm just working hard at something (hey, even grocery shopping for me is hard work from my wheelchair!), people seem to think I'm a short 5'0" "tough girl".  If I start talking to them in my squeaky, bubbly little voice then their opinion seems to change almost immediately. 

Unfortunately, I think some folks assume I'm gay because of my bald head, but I think after talking to me for a minute or two it's fairly obvious that I'm straight.  I've had a few women hit on me, which I really don't like.  That makes me a bit nervous. 

Otherwise, my friends realize I'm sly for this season of life and they are making fewer comments about it now.  Family too, for the first time!    Yay! 

[bella]

Gutsygirl, I get the lesbian reaction too.  It doesn't really bother me but since I'm not gay it's wasted effort for everyone involved.  Though I've never had anyone get really pushy with me yet--but aggressive guys hitting on me make me nervous too. 

I definitely need to make sure I get enough sleep without some bangs to hide behind, and eating well has become a bigger priority for me since going sly. 

"Mainstream" society seems to have 2 major explanations for girls going sly:
1. Illness/supporting a friend/charity w/ an illness
2. Homosexuality

There's also a vein of "rebel going thru a phase" which, with my piercings, I'm surprised I haven't heard yet.  I dress pretty boringly tho so maybe that's why.

None of these are negative in and of themselves (well, some people delivering the stereotypes can make them pretty negative) but it's annoying when it's just simply not true.

I think the social reaction to slyettes is changing, though, and quite quickly.  We're a little behind the guys in terms of universal acceptance but we'll catch up!   

Last week when I was feeling a little insecure my therapist assigned me to count all the sly/closely buzzed women I passed in the street.  It was a very normalizing exercise but I do live in a city where the deck is stacked in my favor in terms of diversity  

[Hingatao]

I've gotten it occasionally but not very often. I've also gotten the "You like a biker" comment. In fact, one of my favorite pics of myself shows me and my shiny dome parked on a Harley.

[greatnessinc]

I'm 6'2" and 290lbs so I'm sure there's some intimidation but I've yet to notice any.

[Adamski1972]

Not a problem for me I think. I'm a generally friendly chap and I'm lucky that it comes across most of the time. Although it might come across as a bit cocky but who knows? Hopefully not!

[Ming the Merciless]

Subjects bow on my arrival; flinch at my pronouncements.  Is Ming "intimidating"?  Of course not.  Such reactions are what is to be expected.  That Ming has a shaved head has no relevance to these reactions.