Losing my Nerve

[bella]

It's been a couple of days since I shaved and I'm losing my nerve about keeping it up.  I love the look and the feel, and how it's, until now, increased my confidence, but for whatever reason I am only noticing negative reactions for the past few days.

The main issue is that I'm getting a lot of "buts".  Everyone (including some strangers) wants to know why I'm sly, and "cos I wanted to" is, for some, not considered an okay response for a female.  "But you didn't shave your head for chemo?"  "But you didn't do it for charity?"

Maybe this is just a matter of me growing a thicker skin but I felt so positive and received so much positivity in the first two weeks, and then it seems like all of a sudden I became incredibly tuned in to loads of negativity.

I think a lot of this has to do with a new client I'm starting with tomorrow -- they are SUPER conservative.  It's an excellent long term opportunity and perfect for me in terms of skills, but for a lot of reasons I can't really go into, every member of the team is expected to set a "professional example" in their appearance.  And I just don't think a slyette fits their definition of that.

I suppose I'll feel better after tomorrow whether things go fine, are awkward, or I'm fired on the spot. 

Anyone else get cold feet after a few weeks of very positive experiences?  I'm 18 days in.  The people I really value don't care but I'm not sure society is really ready to accept slyettes and I'm afraid I could be limiting myself as such.  On the other hand I felt more like "me" when I went sly than I had in years!

Thanks in advance y'all. 

[Switchy]

Hi,

You answered your own question !  As to what you should do bella !  What do you want ?  You are the most important person that there is !  And you have the decision to make look at the look of before and after    Do I need to say more ? 

[slymyke]

Bella, your situation is very different from mine, and most of the people on this forum, I would venture to say.   Obviously, you are a woman, so that is the first and biggest difference.  Secondly, you have a full head of hair (which some of the men on here have as well).    I think it takes much more guts for a woman to go sly than it does for a man.  I'm sure that I am not alone in admiring you for that. 

Now, what to do?..... Hmmmmm...   You can't grow out your hair by tomorrow, so that's not an option for this conservative client.  You can go Sly and use them as a major guinea pig.   It may be costly, but at least you will know if you can get away with it in your profession.  Or you can get a wig before the  meeting.   When my sister was keeping her hair buzzed, she wore decorative scarves each day to work.  (She was not embarrassed of her buzzed hair, but was modestly covering the psoriasis that caused her to buzz her hair while she was treating it).  This was very acceptable in her highly professional career, and she never missed a beat.  She has grown her hair back out now, but would not be afraid to do it again if she needed to or wanted to.     

Even if you decide to grow your hair back... we still support you.. and know that you are Sly at heart. 

[Razor X]

It's normal to have doubts, especially early on.  I used to panic every time I had to meet somebody who hadn't seen me with my head shaved.  Most people didn't comment and eventually it became a non-issue.  It takes a while, but you'll get there.   

[bella]

Thank you Switchy and slymyke... I am especially tickled by the "sly at heart" comment.   

This client is a big opportunity but it is one of four in the field, and I have a foot in the door at all four.  So if I lose this one I still have 3 more opportunities (the odds of word of mouth becoming an issue are very slim). 

So while it's a great potential client I am thinking I need to use this client as a guinea pig to see their reaction to a slyette and further to help decide whether these are the types of clients I really want to pursue (there are a lot of cultural mismatches between me and these clients that go well beyond hair...it may be better for me to focus my energies elsewhere, but these clients came to me and a good starting out businesswoman never says no to a reasonable request for a proposal!). 

The community here is wonderful.  Very reassuring to hear about your sister slymyke, I am convinced it's all about confidence and I need to get my confidence back up to 100!  Hearing from you guys definitely helps on that score.

[bella]

Thanks too, Razor X. It's good to hear that some nerves and cold feet are normal until I've run the gamut of typical interactions post-sly. 

Given I still have to conquer the new client, mother, most of family seeing me sly hurdles, it makes perfect sense that I'm nervous.  No reason to give up on something that makes me feel better about myself.

[Lynchy]

Bella,

I'm sure you will do great!

It's normal to feel doubts, about your new look.

Just be true to yourself and it will all work out fine

[Lynchy]

It reminds of of the song Details in the Fabric by Jason Mraz.

You should look it up!

[benlen]

Bella, I think your example pinpoints an issue with society AND an issue I have with this site. Sorry if I get off topic a bit when I go into it, and potentially hijack your thread. I'm not trying to, but you bring a perspective to this site which I think is sorely needed and I want to add my two cents to it.



Firstly, I think that a woman who wants to shave her head should do so! If that's what you want to do, do it. It's your ballgame.

But like every personal choice, there is going to be a blowback, especially for something which isn't considered socially acceptable. You have to accept that, and deal with it, and to me it sounds like you're the kind of woman who can do that!


However...

I think SlyBaldGuys as a website is becoming too fervent in the "just shave your head!" to every single member who signs up, young or old, man or woman.

Though I support your decision to shave your head, and it is totally your decision to make, do I believe it's a good look for women in general?

No, not really. I think women have head shapes that just don't compliment the bald look.

Some women DO lose hair by nature, but nowhere near as many as men.

And because men lose hair, I think its justified that they would want to simplify their look and feel more confident by shaving.

I'm a young guy going bald by nature. Luckily, I like the bald look on me and I'm glad I have an option like this which is an attractive and acceptable one.

But I'm starting to take issue with SlyBaldGuys, and your thread highlights this problem, because I feel like it's becoming oddly occult here. Rather than a site that's supposed to support guys accept that being bald is okay, it's going so far as to say 'HAIR IS EVIL! I WAS MEANT TO BE BALD!" Which, frankly, is a little crazy.

If I could have a full head of hair back tomorrow without using crazy drugs or hair transplants, I would in a heartbeat. I loved my hair when it was full a couple years ago. It was beautiful. And while I have a great head, I miss being able to have the OPTION to grow hair.


And I think, frankly, that this site encouraging women to shave their heads is the wrong thing to do. Women generally have beautiful hair. Women look great with hair, short and long.

Few women, in my opinion, look good bald.

So the distinction I'll make here in the end is this: I support you in shaving your head, because that's totally your decision, your body, your sovereignty.

But do I think it is a great look for you and for women at large who shave by choice? I'm sorry, but I don't. And though I'm significantly more polite about it than other strangers, I can't help but wonder: why would a woman gifted with beautiful hair do this? Why would anybody with great hair do this?

I'm sorry if I offend, but I think it's a legit issue with this website with us also encouraging kids in their teens to shave their heads.

As a teenager, you think you know everything. I certainly did back then. But I can tell you, if I had shaved my head in high school when my hair was awesome, I would have majorly regretted it today, because its gone. And the years I had my hair are never coming back. And I will always remember those days fondly.

So I don't think this website should be encouraging teens with great heads of hair to shave either, because in a few years time they could be going bald naturally too!

I encourage you Bella to ignore much of what I've written, and DO YOUR THING. Shave your head if you believe that's who you want to be, and I'll never tell you otherwise. But I also won't be dishonest and lie to you about my own feelings on women shaving their heads, because that's dishonest.

[bella]

Benlen, I am doing my very best to take your post in the spirit it was meant. 

On the flipside, though, this site is very clearly a support site for those sporting a certain look and those who come here and ask "should I?", it would seem, are almost certainly looking for encouragement and reassurance in the shaved direction, though there may be LOTS of conflict for them in that direction.  I'll bet there are MPB and hairpiece and propecia boards out there too.

Some of the replies may seem too aggressive/one-sided, I agree (though in the context of the forum I have a hard time really labelling them that way), but I've also seen a lot of reasonable responses about waiting, going slowly, buzzing instead of shaving, etc etc etc. 

I do take issue with a few of your opinions.  Mainly, a female having a full head of hair doesn't mean it's beautiful.  A lot of women spend a lot of money on keeping a decent looking head of hair and beautiful hair is the luck of the draw.  That is, to me, a purely society-invented trope.  If most women had beautiful hair by default, why do so many of us have extensions/highlights/etc?  No, most of us don't struggle with baldness, but there is nothing about female versus male hair that makes it beautiful or not.  You're reflecting what society has told us about gender roles and expectations -- and maybe knowingly, I'm not sure.

Men don't get to own baldness cos they're more prone to pattern baldness than women.  A ton of guys on here are BBC without much if any flak. 

I also really don't think there is a gender difference in head shapes, but more the head/neck/shoulder ratio and what society is used to.  Haven't researched the biology on this one.

I appreciate your encouragement at both the beginning and end of your post but can't really ignore the middle, I'm too opinionated for that 

Disagreements aside, thank you for contributing to what may hopefully be a thoughtful discussion.

[CptFalco]

Sorry I don't really have any great input here other than "You just keep on doin' you, girl! Your head, your life, your call." But anyways, Benlen's comment made me remember this video I found a while back, so I had to share...

[slymyke]

Sorry I don't really have any great input here other than "You just keep on doin' you, girl! Your head, your life, your call." But anyways, Benlen's comment made me remember this video I found a while back, so I had to share...

CptFalco, Benlen acutaly posted that link a while back on another thread..lol.

[Gary~]

Bella, the important thing is that you now know how freeing being bald is. So, if it becomes economically necessary to become "haired" again then just view it as a temporary thing.

Eventually, even if it is a few years away, you would be able to come back to slickness.

There are no economic downsides for me having a bald head but if there were and they were great it might be a problem.

I also have to agree that there are plenty of women out there with a full head of crappy looking hair -- not all hair is beautiful.

[chgobuzzbald]

I have to say in my view "hair" for some seems to be a sort of commodity to be valued, revered and sought after still in our culture. We are the first generation to reject that viewpoint over these last 15 to 20 years. SOme families no doubt still stress that view with their children raised over the last 20 years hence younger guys still stressing out about "losing" something as if it were a stock portfolio or a limb. That idea will fade away over the next generation I imagine.  I guess its a natural human reaction to be insecure about something viewed as "lost".
But truly these days so many have rejected hair, or what they have left of it growing, to be buzzed down or fully sly that it is simply a mainstream haircut for men at least. Bella is the first of I suspect a growing legion of females who will also decide hair is not necessary for success and in fact being a slyette is just fine and just as valued. The first  ones in any style revolution are often put down but once their numbers grow, as sly men have grown hugely in the last 15 years, it necomes fully accepted.

It was initially guys who had less hair or were as they say "losing" it that went sly which then inspired others to try it who were not "losing" hair. So it is in fact now simply a haircut among men. Some will say they prefer men and women with hair and some will say they prefer men and women to be sly. The more of both sexes that are sly the more it just becomes part of the culture without questions as the years go by. But I agree today it is tougher for a female to be sly and may result in baseless rejection by employers, clients, dating partners etc. Only Bella can balance that and decide. A female does have an option of a wig that males really dont have if it really comes down to having to hide slyness for career reasons during the work day I suppose.
But guys please stop viewing hair as a treasured commodity as that only feeds insecurity and a kind of victim based mentality that is not helpful to any of us.

[bella]

Really apt commentary, chgobuzzbald.