On the fence (worries) - page 1 -

• On the fence (worries) by Kai19 on 13 Jan, 2013 16:29
• Hello everyone.
  I am fairly new to the world of slyness, but I have been lurking around in this forum for weeks, just to read which kind of advice you guys give others in order to courage them into going sly. Now I finally got to the point of saying: "Come on, register, you have nothing to lose, do you?" and well, here I am...
  
  Actually, I always used to keep my hair rather long, especially in the front and the sides, but a some time ago, I noticed my hairline was receding (I'm only 19 by the way) and though it was sort of hard to part from my longish hair, I noticed it was looking somehow ridiciolous because of the receding hairline, that's why I let them cut so the forehead is no longer covered.
  
  However, I played with the thought of going sly a couple of times already, but never did it. I would really love to see how it feels without hair, the feeling of letting them go must be quite overwhelming. I don't know the reason, but this curiosity is bugging me a lot.
  Nonetheless, there a some reasons that just keep me away from doing it.
  1. The reactions of others. I think everyone has or had some problems with this one, but I fear how my family and friends will look at me since I know they wouldn't like the look; especially since everyone only knows me with "longish" hair.
  2. My head is kind of... weirdly shaped. I don't know how to explain it, but I already noticed it a couple of years ago, although I seem to be the only one bothering with this. However, the shape would become a lot more visible when sly so perhaps I look ridiciolous with a shaved head.
  3. People keep telling me my facial (and partially, body) features were kind of feminine and soft, and yeah I kinda agree that's why I kept my hair long... and having a "girlish" face with a shaved head would probably look strange =(
  
  I hope you see my concerns. I'm coming here because I'd like to hear the opinion of people who don't "know" me and don't have any obligation of being nice to me. Just tell me the truth.
  That's me:
  http://www.upload-pictures.de/bild.php/23051,snapshot20130113107XD.jpg
  http://www.upload-pictures.de/bild.php/23052,snapshot201301135HP343.jpg
  Sorry for the bad quality, I had to use the webcam 
• #1 by Frontier Guy on 13 Jan, 2013 17:04
• Welcome Kai ...
  
  Putting it rather simply, if your hair issues are consuming a lot of your thoughts then it's time to assert yourself and take charge, rather than letting your hair issues be in control.
  
  And as has been said on other threads, "if you've got the itch (to shave it), sooner or later you've got to scratch it (just do it)."
  
  Lots of guys worry they have oddly shaped heads, which you've no doubt encountered if you've read a lot of the other topics. And, so far, none have been proven true. I seriously doubt you have anything that would be apparent to any of us. Naturally, you are most critical of yourself.
  
  Aside from the hair, you need to decide who is going to control your life. If you are going to allow opinions of others (parents, friends, co-workers) to make those decisions (through their comments) then you are doomed.
  
  Everyone here will be supportive and encouraging and answer questions ... but ultimately you're the one who needs to make the decision and execute the plan, whether it is gradually cutting it shorter, going to a barber and having a "ceremonial" head shave, or just doing it yourself (which I think is the most empowering).
  
  To do it, you definitely need to follow the 30-day challenge to give it a fair try. Here's the details as I've accumulated them (and modified them a bit).
  

  • If convenient, take some “before” pictures to always remind you of your hairy situation.
  • Take your time shaving initially – your scalp is new terrain and everyone has some odd spots to figure out. Go easy on the pressure and the speed. There is no prize for fastest and bloodiest shave!
  • Figure out what your answer is when someone asks “Why?” – you don’t have to go into detail about hair loss, but it’s good to have a comeback at the ready. Can be as simple as “I needed a change.”
  • Maintain the Sly look for 30 consecutive days - whether you shave daily (my recommendation) or every other day.
  • Allows you to get used to the New & Improved you.
  • Allows others to get used to the New, Improved and more Confident you.
  • Allows your scalp to adjust from being hidden from the world to toughening up to face the world.
  • Allows you to develop the skills for head shaving (they're a bit different from face shaving).
  • Gives you time to integrate shaving into your daily routine so it becomes “natural” and not something you have to think about or try to remember.
  • Post here at SlyGuys with your questions, concerns, and (most assuredly) your SUCCESSES!

  
  Things I think you will find:
  

  • Huge relief (part 1) from hair worries – whether it’s thinning or graying or moving hairlines.
  • Huge relief (part 2) from hat worries – where is it?
  • Huge relief (part 3) from weather worries – wind which may blow a combover the wrong way, rain which causes thin hair to become stringy.
  • Ease of maintaining - you'll always have the same great look.
  • Surge of self-confidence (part 1) – which I thought was most surprising.
  • Surge of self-confidence (part 2) – freedom to do things which “hair terror” prevented – like swimming or standing in a room underneath a bright light with your scalp glowing through the remaining hairs.
  • Reallocation of time previously spent obsessing over hair to more fun endeavors (you can figure out this list on your own).

  
  I know you will feel better about yourself and the world when you can move past hair issues.
  
  
• #2 by Gary~ on 13 Jan, 2013 17:20
• Quote from: Kai19 on 13 Jan, 2013 16:29

  
  Nonetheless, there a some reasons that just keep me away from doing it.
  1. The reactions of others. I think everyone has or had some problems with this one, but I fear how my family and friends will look at me since I know they wouldn't like the look; especially since everyone only knows me with "longish" hair.
  2. My head is kind of... weirdly shaped. I don't know how to explain it, but I already noticed it a couple of years ago, although I seem to be the only one bothering with this. However, the shape would become a lot more visible when sly so perhaps I look ridiciolous with a shaved head.
  3. People keep telling me my facial (and partially, body) features were kind of feminine and soft, and yeah I kinda agree that's why I kept my hair long... and having a "girlish" face with a shaved head would probably look strange =(
  
  

  
  Ok, Kai I've looked at your pics and I have to say "you have nothing to worry about". You don't look "feminine" and you look fine with all that hair although it is pretty long at the front which is also fine if that is how you like it. It is completely normal for the hairline to start receding a bit at 19 also -- so that's also good.
  
  The 3 reasons that stop you:
  1. Reactions of others:
  Personally I had no bad reactions at all and found the whole transition as easy as pie. The key is not to care about what others think and to not care about what you think. There is a part of the mind that cares about stuff and worries and a part of the mind that just witnesses or is aware of what is going on. The aware part can't act or do anything -- it can only be aware. Bring this to the foreground of consciousness and the worries sink into the background -- they may still be there but their impact will be greatly lessened.
  
  Also bear in mind that any reactions of others will be very transient -- it will only take a short time for them to go back to worrying about how they look. Expect some people to silently admire you though for having the courage to do what they want to do but can't because of similar fears to what you have so well articulated.
  
  2. Odd shaped head:
  Many, many people worry about this but it is never a problem for anyone once the deed is done. Personally, I didn't even think about it before I did it but after I had shaved I noticed that my head-shape was fine and dandy -- what a nice surprise. I am prepared to give you a money back guarantee that this will not be a problem for you. The photos show no potential problem also.
  
  3. Feminine tending face with bald head looking odd:
  I don't think that you have a feminine looking face at all. It look masculine but young -- which is good because it is young. If you feel that you have a "feminine" or soft body then that is easily fixed with a bit of exercise which over a few years will make an enormous difference if that is what you want - but I wouldn't worry about it. Also remember that bald women [who obviously look feminine] do not look strange at all -- look at Dee Dee Bridgewater [ http://www2.slybaldguys.com/smf/index.php?topic=19221.0 ] and tell me she is not beautiful.
  
  Download and watch the whole series of "Breaking Bad" if you haven't seen it and look at it again if you have. So many of the actors there had shaved heads that it was ridiculous -- that's what did it for me. Pretty stupid reason but there you have it. I reckon that with a shaved head you would look like the protagonist "Jesse" when he shaved his head. I can't find a pic right now of him with a shaved head but this is him with really short hair -- use your imagination.
  
  A bald head would give you an "edgier" look.
  
  You will feel a great feeling of freedom in being liberated from your hair worries [free of the "tyranny of hair"] but remember -- it is easily and relatively quickly reversible for someone such as yourself if you change your mind. I reckon that everyone should do it once in their lifetime just to see what it's like. Look at Crusher -- he's even younger than you and in still in high school and he reckons that he's never going back.
  
  Of course, you could also go the shorter and shorter buzz-cut route to make the adjustment and that might work for you -- so many different paths to happiness to choose from.
  
  Best of luck.
  
• #3 by Crusher0209 on 13 Jan, 2013 18:00
• I was going through the thought same thought system of having the thought of shaving my head and on October 27 I finally said the heck with hair and I just went ahead and shaved my head went completely sly and absolutely love it. Your head looks fine you have nothing to worry about it is your decision in the end. I think though that you will look good and don't worry about people not liking the look if you like it then keep it.
  
  P.S. I am in High School still
• #4 by Lynchy on 13 Jan, 2013 18:48
• Welcome Kai,
  
  The other guys nailed it! Can't really add to that.
  
  Just do it, if you don't like it, it will grow back!
• #5 by kalbo on 14 Jan, 2013 03:02
• Welcome to the bald brotherhood Kai. Tahnks for sharing your pics. I think you will rock the shaved look but you will never know until you try. Frontier Guy said it all.
• #6 by mrzed on 14 Jan, 2013 03:42
• Welcome.
  
  Let me add that shaved bald for men is quite an acceptable style today.
  
  Note crusher's comments. He's a young guy. Bald as can be.
  
  The confidence boost of a bald head seems to apply to both young men and us older guys.  I love having a bald head.  And I continue to feel the confidence of being bald, even a year later.
  
  
• #7 by Sir Harry on 14 Jan, 2013 05:42
• Welcome, Kai! From what I can see, your hair looks very good.....I have seen and heard stories of guys younger than you with even worse recession. But if you have the itch to be bald, shave it and see how you feel. As they always say, if you don't like it you can always grow it back!
• #8 by Switchy on 14 Jan, 2013 10:48
• Welcome Kai 
  
  My fellow members stated it better than I ever could 
• #9 by Hingatao on 14 Jan, 2013 11:08
• Welcome to the club, Kai.
  
  As usual, frontierguy said it all much better than anyone else could.
• #10 by Bald Hobbit on 14 Jan, 2013 15:52
• As Gary said, you don't have a feminine face, it just looks young. Even if you did, I can think of many who would look feminine with hair, but look manly and awesome without it. Also, a younger man shaving it will add years(in a good way) to his appearence, and an older man will take years off. It's weird like that. People have commented to me that I look older. But that's not just it. I feel older too.
• #11 by Andrei on 14 Jan, 2013 16:14
• Welcome Kai!
  19 is a beautiful age. You're young and it's good to experiment.
  If you want short hair then go for it.
  Worst case scenario: you don't like your hair that short, well, you can grow it back; but the courage and strength to shave it all off, that worths something
  It's just an experience that you can learn a lot from.
  
  Regarding your questions:
  1. I can't tell if the comments from family & friends will be mostly positive or negative, but don't worry, you'll be your worst critic, so if you like the outcome than you can be sure it's great;
  2. Have you seen your head shaved? I suppose no, so there's no way to know you have a weird headshape. There are plenty of guys who though just the same before they went sly and found out that they were wrong. (Sometimes it feels great to be wrong - I was one of those guys);
  3. You should appreciate more what you have and feel better in your own skin. Don't worry, you can't please everybody and I'm sure you wouldn't want that.
• #12 by bennett11 on 15 Jan, 2013 05:29
• i would buzz it shorter and shorter until you are smooth.  It will be the new you.
  
  
• #13 by Kai19 on 16 Jan, 2013 12:24
• Thank you for all your kind replies. You do a great job in encouraging someone like me who's hestitant most of the time.
  Maybe I really worried too much about that headshape thing and it's just my imagination. Concerning the reactions, I thought about speaking with my family and friends beforehand about it so they wouldn't be too surprised; but I'm very sure my family would try everything to keep me from doing it which is not convenient to somebody who's already in doubt.
  @Frontier Guy: You are right about the control thing, but to be honest... I actually don't think I am in full control of my life. I know it sounds kind of sad and weak, but well... I'd really love to change that.
  @Gary~: I haven't seen "Breaking Bad" but I think I'll take you advise and watch it (I was looking for a new series anyway after watching Harper's Island the third time...). That picture also looks really awesome! And yeah, he does look edgy and not feminine at all. But I still think I would, so maybe I should wait some more years until I look more mature/manly? That could the best, although this "itch" like you guys call it really bothers me. Hrmpf, it's tough.
• #14 by Bald Hobbit on 16 Jan, 2013 12:56
• One more time: You do not look feminine. Even if you did, the shaved look makes you look more mature and manly. I'm 19, and have always felt like a little kid, and saw myself as looking younger. So it surprises me when people mistake me for being 24.
   
  Besides, you can try doing it gradually. And don't ask for permission, just let them know so they won't be in such a shock. Your family will get used to it, mine did.