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Feeling really depressed by MarkusToe on 21 Dec, 2012 19:45
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Hey Guys, now is the second night I can't get any sleep because I feel so depressed about my hair loss. Even with hair I never have been really happy with my face and my big forehead and when I get bald I fear it will look even bigger. At the moment I can't imagine getting any self-esteem soon and I tell myself things like: when I am bald everyone will notice how unhappy I am with myself and then they will also feel that I am somebody to pity and people will reject me and this will make it even harder to build self-esteem and I feel like I will always have to feel inferior compared to other people - man, I am really depressed. I think the thing is I never have been really happy with myself but I had the hope that different hairstyles will give me a chance to feel better, but when I am bald there is no hope and I will always have to stick with what I've got - hm, I think I am just really anxious and in denial now, because I always had attractive girlfriends which thought I am attractive, but with hair. A the moment I don't know how I could ever accept this, but in the end, what chances do I have?
Maybe you could share some of your experience. -
#1 by benlen on 21 Dec, 2012 21:19
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I've dated women while balding and also while sporting a shaved head, and it hasn't impacted my success with the ladies in the slightest.
It's common to worry that shaving your head bald will cost you in the lady department––but let's face it, women are DAMN observant, and often can spot a balding guy even before he knows he's balding.
And the best part: They don't really care.
In my experience, men judge balding men much more harshly than women judge men who are balding, the same way that women judge other women more harshly than men judge women.
Also, if women, and attractive ones to boot, all decided that men with hairloss were unattractive/not good boyfriends, the balding genes would have been gone from the human race long ago!
As for other depression related issues, I know it is a stereotype to say it, but getting therapy from a good therapist can be a great relief. Don't sit around, do it. It can be really worthwhile to have someone who doesn't know you and won't judge to hear all that you've got to say. Because the guys on this forum can cheer you up, but that won't replace getting real help.
In terms of personal experience with depression and OCD, I'd say stay away from anti-depressants––in my personal experience, I found they made me feel too "meh" or uncaring about life.
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#2 by Frontier Guy on 21 Dec, 2012 21:24
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Markus, no room for a pity party here. This is a designated "Pity Party Free Zone."
Your forehead will not appear larger if you shave ... in fact, it will disappear! Hair defines the forehead by providing a visual reference. Once the hair it gone, there is no visual reference and ... no forehead boundary. It's amazing but it's true.
Look around this place -- lots of guys here who shave because they want to, not because they have to. There's something really special about living underneath a smooth scalp. Quite awesome.
You're looking for reasons to make this a continuing problem, instead of seeing the many ways it can be a ongoing success for you. -
#3 by Tyler on 21 Dec, 2012 22:20
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MT, welcome to SBG! For guys like you I like to recommend that you just shave it off and give it 30 days. It may seem drastic for you now, but it's like pulling off a band-aid, you just have to do it fast.
<------------BTW, I think my wife is pretty attractive and she won't let me grow out my hair cause she likes the look. -
#4 by Lynchy on 21 Dec, 2012 22:58
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Welcome mate,
Sorry your not feeling great about your hair loss
Honestly shaving does eliminate the massive forehead thing.
I hope you can find peace and be happy!
Cheers -
#5 by KDusk on 22 Dec, 2012 07:09
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Hey MarkusToe,
It's good you came here, the fellas in here are all very supportive of each other and they've gotten me through what I though (at that time) was the worst time of my life.
Let me tell you, you're already halfway. You've already accepted that your hair is going AND you came here, which probably means that you've already made a decision on how to cope with your hairloss: by shaving your head and steering away from the poison.
I had the same issues as you: hairloss, combined with feeling inferior to others. The issue here is not so much your hairloss. Your feeling of inferiority was probably there long before your hair started going and there's not much I can do about that. I advise you to look for professional help (therapy, support groups for self-confidence, ...).
About your hair: I think you will look just fine with a shaved head. Your face is pretty balanced (no large or tiny features) and everything looks symmetrical. I admit it will look very different at first sight, but eventually you'll get used (and addicted) to shaving your head. It's just a matter of 'getting used' to something new. -
#6 by stasiu on 22 Dec, 2012 10:25
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It is what is in your heart NOT on your head that counts !
Don't concentrate on "gotta have a girlfriend" image.
Concentrate on who you are and your talents and confidence.
Get yourself a very tight Christmas Buzzcut.
Unwrap a new YOU image for the New Year ! -
#7 by Switchy on 22 Dec, 2012 10:52
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Agree with all the comments that have been made. Shave it off and you will be done with it .
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#8 by MarkusToe on 22 Dec, 2012 15:44
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Thanks for all the support.
KDusk, I think you are totally right - it is not about hairloss - this just brings fears to the top which have always been there. Basically it is agood thing that I can't ignore them anymore - now is the time to deal with them and get rid of them. I can see that now and I'm thankful for that chance. Self defeating beliefs are always there, they only come up when you are upset. Frontier Guy is right - this could be a chance for ongoing success.
Thank you very much all of you and happy holidays
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#9 by isleepinthebuff on 22 Dec, 2012 18:00
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I used to get a lot of comments about my forehead, they went when i shaved my head. You're a good looking guy and a good looking guy who is comfortable bald will do a lot better with girls than someoone holding onto that hair for grim death!!
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#10 by Sir Harry on 23 Dec, 2012 17:38
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Markus, it isn't going to be easy, but you can do this....just stay strong, and just try a shorter haircut for experimenting...if it doesn't work out, you can always grow it back....Good luck to you, man.
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#11 by OzSly on 23 Dec, 2012 18:01
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Wise words from the Sly Brotherhood.
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#12 by mrzed on 23 Dec, 2012 19:11
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Markus, you've got a good bunch of buddies here who have been through this, too.
Take command of your hair.
shave it and call it BBC. You'll look good. My wife was not crazy about it at first, but now she likes it. I'd say ,in the ladies department, any lady who get's hung up over a shaved head, has her own issues. You want omeone else.
Merry Christmas, Enjoy a shaved head for Christmas.
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#13 by Razor X on 23 Dec, 2012 19:43
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I've been where you are and all I can say is that you'll start feeling better the moment your hair is all shaved off. And it's true that your forehead will look smaller without a receding hairline to frame it.
Once your hair has receded past a certain point, it's jut not flattering anymore and it really needs to be shaved. You've reached that point. Go shorter in stages if that makes it easier. You'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel. Good luck. -
#14 by D.A.L.U.I. on 24 Dec, 2012 06:05
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KDusk, I think you are totally right - it is not about hairloss - this just brings fears to the top which have always been there. Basically it is agood thing that I can't ignore them anymore - now is the time to deal with them and get rid of them. I can see that now and I'm thankful for that chance. Self defeating beliefs are always there, they only come up when you are upset.
You're well on your way to handling this problem. One quote I like is, "There is more felicity on the far side of baldness than young men can possibly imagine."
If you'd like to, read the following article, you'll probably find a lot of what's been troubling you discussed in it.
http://men.webmd.com/features/going-bald-all-your-head