What would you guys do?

[leighmundo40]

Ok, I have a question for you all..What would you do.

So, yesterday it was my work's Christmas meal/night out. Normally I don't go to these, I don't drink and I find it kind of uncomfortable when colleagues get drunk, don't know why, it's just weird! Anyway, against my better judgement I went yesterday. Meal was at 2.30pm, but the others were already tipsy.

Just a bit of background, I am one of only two guys in my project, the other being a manager. There is always banter between us all, silly stuff. But last night as my colleagues got progressively more inhebriated they got more "Touchy Feely" with me, I got kissed, I got my ear blown into, I got my arse pinched and groped, I got my man boobs grabbed, I wasnt left alone. At first I laughed along, but after a while it started to irritate me, I kind of joked saying "If you dont leave me alone Im gonna file for harrassment!" which they thought was funny!

After the meal they all went off drinking and I made a swift exit. To be honest, I felt a bit..well...humiliated.

So, what do I do? Do I put it down to high spirits at Christmas and forget about it? Do I speak with colleagues to say I didn't like it? Do I see a manager? I know a lot of straight blokes would LOVE being groped by a bunch of women! But I just think, if a group of men had done that to a woman there would be a sh*t storm!

Thoughts appreciated people!

[Mikekoz13]

Where I work that is considered sexual harassment. Our company even has a video that shows an almost identical scenario. I probably wouldn't file a complaint if these are people taht you hqave a good relationship with BUT I'd put a bug in the office gossip's ear that I didn't like it at all. If you choose the right person's ear to put it into word will spread quickly.

If they all know, next time they may be more respectful.

[leighmundo40]

Normally I have a great working relationship with them all, yesterday was just...wrong! Ive been texting one girl this morning, usual "What did you think? Did you enjoy it?" etc, Ive replied that I felt it was all a bit too much, and she agreed, so we will see.

You can bet your sweet fanny adams that if I had grabbed a woman's boobs last night, I'd be in for a world of pain come Monday!

[slymyke]

Sounds like a bunch of drunk, horny "biotches"...    You told the one girl that it was a little bit too much.. but you may have gone too easy.  If that is all you said, you should say more.  Tell her how it made you feel...  Women usually are very much into how others feel, and it may cause them to stop and think.  I hope they apologize and move forward.  Being the "token male" in the peer group should not mean that they can do role reversals of harassment.   

You are right, if one man did this to a woman, there would be an uproar... but if a crowd of men did this to a woman, it would be on the news.    Women have put up with this for years and have rightfully been given ways out of these situations.  In areas of reverse discrimination or harassment, there seems to be more tolerance as if to say "this is payback for all we have been through", or something. 

It's hard to be in a work situation with bad relationships, so I wouldn't push for harassment charges (yet).  They do need to know they offended you, and apologize... and not do it again.  If it doesn't happen through the "grape vine method", then you should talk to the manager.    -------------my two cents-------------

[b.driscoll]

There is a definite double standard between men and women with this type of behavior..........maybe you should tell the ''ladies'' involved and find a better group to hang out with outside of work.

[leighmundo40]

Apparently (so Ive been told) their behaviour was observed by a senior manager, who wasn't impressed and is going to have a chat with me on Monday...eeep! (although not enough for her to say at the time "Ladies..enough!")

I don't think for a minute that there was any malevolence behind it, a case of too much to drink and not realising it was no longer funny...still, for it to bother me, must have pushed a button.

Get me! talking like I'm God's Gift anyway!

[BBCAlex]

I organize a local group of over a thousand members and we often get together and have parties at my house in the pool. There is always lots of drinking and although I am openly gay there are always a few women who get drunk and start groping me and making sexual comments. Its obnoxious but Im not uptight about it so I just laugh it off. Just one of the curses of being so damn sexy. Ha! Since Ive gone bald I am getting a very noticeable uptick in the attention too.

[Viking]

Personally I'd put it down to experience. By the sound of it they were just drunk idiots and there was no real intent to abuse you and kicking up a storm might make problems in the work place as it is quite a serious accusation (although it is true).

Maybe mention it to one of the group that you are better friends with that you didn't really feel comfortable but that may go one of two ways, either people will be shocked they upset you and apologise, or they could just think your over sensitive and not up for a laugh.

Whatever the case there is nothing wrong in the way that you feel about the situation, I generally don't like to be around drunks myself (although my job involves fixing machines.in pubs!) and although not tee total I choose.not to be much of a drinker.

Start thinking of excuses for missing next year's party, just say you are washing your hair or something......oh wait.......

[Switchy]

I would write this off, booze does a lot of nasty stuff .  People say things, do things, that they normally do when not drinking.  You said a Senior Mang. wasn't impressed .  And you did mention it to another member of your work area.  I have a feeling this matter will take care of its self.   

[OzSly]

G'Day Leighmundo,

Sorry to hear that your didn't enjoy your work Christmas party mate.

That's one of the reasons I don't go to work Christmas parties, with booze and people that can't handle it do things that they usually don't do. I don't drink and personally I don't like hanging around people that do drink and can't handle it and they feel that that they can say and do anything they want because they are pissed.....I mean WTF!!! If you can't handle it.....simple....DON'T DRINK!!  There are many people can drink and enjoy without making idiots of themselves.

Me, personally I don't like work Christmas parties for the simple reason that the majority of people I work with I wouldn't socially mix with anyway, so why would I want to party with them at Christmas???  The very few I do mix socially with we do during the year outside work anyway.

Leighmundo, it must of affected you if you came here to get your Sly Brothers views on it. You have been given different views on how to go about it. That can be done with a quiet word to the boss or up front announcement to all that were at the party. The main thing for you that is doesn't happen again.

[Frontier Guy]

I would write this off, booze does a lot of nasty stuff .  People say things, do things, that they normally do when not drinking.  You said a Senior Mang. wasn't impressed .  And you did mention it to another member of your work area.  I have a feeling this matter will take care of its self.   

I'm with switchblade ... you mentioned it to a co-worker (though perhaps you could have been slightly more honest about how uncomfortable you felt) which opens the door in case she chooses to mention it. And a senior manager observed the situation. If anything, the senior manager has the obligation to deal with it (whether you complain or not) if it were in the U.S. (your laws may be different).

Regardless it reflects poorly on those involved in the inappropriate verbal/physical expression.

[Beardman]

I think I'd have done pretty much all you can without causing troubles for yourself.

[leighmundo40]

Thanks for the advice guys. I think I was kind of shocked at how forceful it got. (Ive got a couple of bruises where I was pinched!)

I'm going to leave it and if Im spoken to Im going to say that although I enjoy a joke as much as anyone else, I found it too much. I bet the women are probably mortified. I think that some straight women think it's ok to get saucy with gay guys.

Normally I avoid work night's out like the plague, but I was coerced into going, they had a bet if I would turn up or not!

Ive toyed with the idea of going into work next week and grabbing people's boobs and sticking my tongue down their ear holes and saying "Oh! sorry! I thought this was how we greeting each other now? my bad!"

[buddha]

Normally I avoid work night's out like the plague, but I was coerced into going, they had a bet if I would turn up or not!

If I was in your place and the occurences disturbed me as much as they do you I would definitely abstain from attendance at future gatherings of this type. Or, the old stand-by, make an appearance and then split. No goodbyes, just make a quick round and then head for the door.....silently. Don't make leaving an issue, that's ammunition. When people stop you on Monday morning and ask what happened to you at the party just say politely that you had a couple of other appearances to make so you couldn't stay too long at any one of them.
Who cares if some of your co-workers had a bet as to whether you would show up? So a few people won a bet. If you hadn't made an appearance a different group of people would have won. In either case your needs are NOT being served and that is something for which only one person is responsible.

[baldjoeg]

Leighmundo,  I was sorry to hear about what happened at your Christmas party. That was totally uncalled for. I assume that much of the behavior was a result of all the drinking going on. They were disrespectful to you to say the least. I don't think that you should file charges at this point. The situation needs to be addressed. I assume that the manager will address the issue. Hopefully the situation will work itself out. Good luck to you.

I hope that your relationship with your co-workers remains okay. You handled yourself well in this situation. I can imagine how humiliated you must have felt.

Happy Holidays.