Other peoples perspective

[Scottakist]

Hope I don't disrupt the harmony....
 However I do wonder about this.

I'm seeing a lot of searching for guidance and acceptance
And it makes me wonder about the way we view other people's perspective.

Seeing a lot of questions about what
Beard
Style of clothing
Accessories
Looks good, and I'm forced to think different style thoughts than I normally do.

I had very long hair before I decided to go sly due to my widows peak hairline
So I never had a style so much as I just wore a ponytail.

I also grow my beard out
More on I just like the way I look with it
(and for those who have seen my actual pics know its not the conventional beard)

Now on a bit more...
 I don't want to be single forever, nor do I want to portray the look of a homeless bum
But the truth of it is I just don't find myself giving a crap what anyone else has to say about my sense of style.

I wear blue jeans... All the time.
(if I need to dress up I will wear tan cargo pants and a long sleeve shirt)
And I obviously wear a shirt, quite often a button up short sleeve (70's style)
Now.....
 I'm I so far out of touch that maybe I have lost my ability to see men's fashion
And I'm wandering around looking like a vagrant.
   OR
 Is it just the sign of the times and men are a bit more fashionable and I'm just not getting it?

I'm in my mid 30s

I mean no disrespect, nor do I see myself looking down on anyone,
I'm just trying to learn a bit more about the world I live in.

Hygiene to me is my only real thought to how I present myself
So I brush my teeth ( bad breath is a bad thing)
Put on deodorant and I use axe body spray
To make sure I don't stink out my clients.

So my question is are we really looking for the approval of others so much that we may be
Willing to actually tailor our appearance to suit their preferences?
 Or I'm I just one unfashinable dude?

Please by all means I am not easily offended, have wicked thick skin
And can take jokes...
So tell it straight hahaha

Just a thought I have been pondering a bit.

Thanks
Scottakist

[Beardman]

I have the exact same thoughts as you sometimes, except I'm mid-20's...

At the end of the day, I am who I am, and people seem to be drawn to me anyway, even though I'm a massive bearded metalhead... so I must be doing something right...

I think you're beard is crazy and unique, I really like it!

Style, you are always going to find someone that doesn't like the way you dress... I wear jeans or shirts and a band shirt all the time so I can't really comment But you are more classy then I am haha!


At the end of the day are you happy with yourself? because to me that is all that matters, and I'm sure one day I'll find someone that loves me for who I am, and I have no doubt you will either!

[Scottakist]

Bearded brethren unite 

Funny cause I played in a death metal band for many years
Tampa Florida is home to a huge metal following in the late 90's and early 2000's
Hence all the "evil looking ink"
I still jam out to some of that stuff sometimes
But one day (know this sounds cliche) but I wondered who I was and what happened to the youngster
I used to be.
I gave up smoking pot and walked away from the band,
had realized I took it way too far and it was time to get a better grip on my life.
I still sport the FLxDM tattoo (Florida Death Metal)
But I handed that torch off to the younger guys :-)

It's funny cause when I see your profile photo, you look quite similar to a friend I know.

[Frontier Guy]

Older guy weighing in with an opinion.

I've got 20 years on you Scottakist, and 30 on you Beardman. Which means nothing other than I've seen a lot more sunrises.

However, I think membership here at SlyGuys attracts a much higher percentage of guys who are both more self-aware and self-accepting (or they become so if they remain here). And there is much greater tolerance (and acceptance) of "I am who I am."

As compared to the general population. Huge numbers of people (certainly the younger ones like yourselves, less so my generation) are highly concerned with how they are perceived. The importance of wearing the "right" fashion / logo / jewelry and driving the "right" vehicle and having the "right" toys/electronics is oppressive. That's how they distinguish themselves and how they gauge their "success" in the world. Modern advertising reinforces those desires everywhere you turn.

Which is not meant to imply that a logo product is inherently wrong. If that particular brand/style meets your functional criteria that's great. But to purchase something simply because of the brand and how it causes others to assess you seems skewed. IMO.

I have many younger co-workers who are barely surviving because their credit card debt is so high - but they are the same ones who were shopping at the malls this weekend spending hundreds/thousands of dollars during the Black Friday Binge.

I have a cousin who will not move from a place she can't afford because that postal code is so glamorous. (My suggestion she maintain a Post Office box in the zip code was met with disdain.)

I believe it takes a lot of years of general living OR a significant personal event (like balding) to cause one to become a bit more introspective and truly value what matters and what doesn't.

"Keeping up with the Joneses" is not a new phenomenon. But the frenzy of the pace today is unprecedented.

I was not immune, though mine was a "mild" case and my "collecting" was fairly limited. Still, I am attempting to reduce my physical possessions in order to simplify my life. "Stuff" requires a lot of effort to maintain even if it is just storing it and moving it from one residence to another.

Unfortunately (in most ways) the world has changed in ways which will make it far less possible to attain the status symbols that in the past provided a foundation for self-worth. People will have to find value within themselves and I don't believe most of them have the emotional, psychological and social tools to do so.

[baldjoeg]

Well said.

[leighmundo40]

My take on this is that guys in general arent that used to asking others their opinions on their looks and appearance, it's not the "manly" thing to do.

Ive never come across a group of straight guys chatting about if their clothes suit them or if they smell nice!

I think that this site gives guys the opportunity to ask questions that they might not ask their wives, girlfriends, partners etc, and get good advice without being told "Sod off! you big poof!"

If you don't need that support then that's great, but if you do its a great place.

[Scottakist]

All good replies.
Frontier- your posts are always well written and
Informative, thanks for your insight

[Bensen]

Good statements were made before already. I can't add much more beside of some sayings like

"Fine feathers make fine birds" or
"Competion runs our genes"   says a lot about what makes "us" going, imo.

[Switchy]

Good statements were made before already. I can't add much more beside of some sayings like

"Fine feathers make fine birds" or
"Competion runs our genes"   says a lot about what makes "us" going, imo.

"Birds of a feather flock together"

[nuts]

As usual Frontier Guy's contribution is well said and thoughtful.  I've got another 10+ years on him which puts me in the 'older' category and from my persepctive as you get older 'stuff' including possessions, clothing fads, what others think become less and less important.  It is good health, family connections and good friends and the ability to take a positive view on the world - depsite the crap fostered by politicians and other supposed leaders - that make life such a great thing.  Being bald also helps!!

[Slyfive]

I dress like I want, it usually looks mismatched and quirky, but that's how I like it. I always say 'life's too short to look boring', so I just look like a self assured mad man, and why not. Be who you are and there will be someone who will love you for it.

[OzSly]

Great topic Scottakist and great response from Frontier Guy.

I am the same vintage as Frontier Guy.

I am who I am, people accept me as who I am or they don't. Not fussed either way. I wear, buy or do things that suit me, not anyone else. That doesn't make me right or wrong, that's my way.

I don't judge people what they have or don't have or what they think or don't think or what they do or don't do as long as it doesn't hurt anybody else. Whatever floats their boat.

I treat people the way I would like to be treated. Might sound but for me it's that simple. I don't have many friends but the few I have are the best friends.

Once again great topic fellas.

[Mikekoz13]

I don't really worry about what others think of how I address, or that I shave my head, or that I have tattoos.
My personality is all mine, as is each person's, and that's what makes the world cool in my opinion. It sure wouldn't be any fun if we were all the same.

I didn't even own any "dress up" clothes until recent weeks. I only bought those out of respect to my Dad so I would have something decent to wear at his recent funeral & viewing.

The clothes I do wear every day are neat, always clean and what I'm comfortable in.

This is one of those things that I wouldn't waste a lot of time worrying about.

[tomgallagher]

I gave up on worrying about what other people think a long time ago.

[Slyfive]

I didn't even own any "dress up" clothes until recent weeks. I only bought those out of respect to my Dad so I would have something decent to wear at his recent funeral & viewing.

My deepest condolences to you and your family Mike, you are in my prayers.