Father of a balding son

[Fatherofsly]

Hello everyone, my son is currently 22 years old and his hair has been thinning rapidly for the past 6 months, he was recently diagnosed with Diffused Alopecia.

This has not caused him any problems in his professional life, since he's still going to the university finishing his bachelor degree and has been offered a great job after his graduation.

Unfortunately, this condition has had a huge impact in his social life, because he doesnt go out anymore with his friends, he is always hiding under a hat, has become depressed, and very anxious, he's always irritable, because he doesnt find himself attractive anymore.

I understand his viewpoint because back in high school, he used to be the most popular guy in high school, every girl wanted to hangout with him, he even got modeling jobs for a couple agencies when he became a senior. Also grabbed a couple extra jobs modeling jobs during his freshmen year in college, and even did a Tv AD. He never had a really long hair, but always kept a nice fade that blended well with his facial features.

However, for the past 6 months everything has turned 360 degrees for him, his ex-girlfriend left him after they got into a fight,and later she ended up saying that he looked like a cancer patient now. All the girls that used to be crazy to go out have rejected him, some of the model agencies told him that they don't need him right now but that they "would call him back" to advertise more. Along many other negative things that have happened that have sent him into massive depression.

I have been trying to help him, even his best friend and I convinced him to take him to the barnershop and get a really close buzz cut. Wich made things worse because he says that he has a really weird head shape, which is kind of long on top like a big "bump....Which unfortunately, Its kind of true his head looks very bumpy on top(of course I have never told him this because I don't want him to feel worse,but it's the truth,is bumpy on top which I dont think that looks that bad, but on the other hand he really does feel that it looks awful, like an "alien" like he would say"

He tells me that i just simply don't understand because I have a full head of hair. I even offered him that i would buzz cut my hair, but he says that I have a perfect and he doesnt. Therefore, he feels that he is not attractive anymore thanks to the hairloss and his odd head shape, and he also believes what his ex said about him looking like a cancer patient.

I truly understand him, his life has made a huge turn, he used to be the center of attention, and now girls and even some model agencies seem to be rejecting him. Therefore, he believes his appearance is not worthy anymore. He has been considering a hair transplant, but won't probably do it because of the risk of scarring in the back of his head.

I am trying to really help him to cope with this, but I can't seem to help him. Fortunately, the engineering job awaiting for him is still there after his graduation which according to him its the only good thing going on for him right now. Therefore, his main concern is all about his appereance and looking good for the girls, and his side jobs of modeling and advertising.

He said that he wouldn't mind to go bald when he became older because women around my age don't really care about balding men, and that he also wouldn't mind if he had a better head shape. But women of his age really do care about balding men, and especially when they have an odd headshape.

I have never been through this myself since I have a full head of hair, so I have no idea of how traumatic this can be for some people. I know some of you just buzz it or shave it. My son currently has a buzz cut,but his main complain is his head shape, since he feel that it is kind of "enlogated" skull. And all of his friends have hair, including all of his relatives and even his father and grandfather, so again that doesn't seem to help too much.

Can you guys help me out please? What should I do? What can I do? What can he do to cope with balding? And how can I help him with his idea of having a weird headshape?

I'm really desperate to help my son, so he can go back to be the same guy full of life that he once was,

[Frontier Guy]

Dear Dad,

Kudos to you for trying to help. I'm offering my thoughts, but as I have no children my comments are based only on observation which is quite different than the situation you enjoy.

People (girls and others) will not be turned off because he is bald (whether natural or by shaving). It will because of his lack of confidence in himself. Why should they feel good towards him if he doesn't feel good about himself?

There are a lot of young guys here his age who shave their heads for a wide variety of reasons. You may want to start a topic titled "If you are 25 years old of younger and shave your head ..." to round up their advice. Many also comment specifically that attracting girls is not a problem.

And there have been lots of topics on head shape. All of the ones I recall recently which have started out with "I have a weirdly shaped head and it won't look good shaved" often concluded with the original poster acknowledging that once shaved, shape wasn't an issue.

I think it's extraordinary that you offered to buzz your hair. I challenge you to think seriously about doing that ... and even more, shaving it off. Besides showing incredible affection and support to your son, I think it will also demonstrate that it is not such a shattering experience. But, before you do it, think it through. I've been shaving my head six months and wouldn't go back.

I think the fundamental issue for your son is confidence. If you read some of the other "real experience" topics you'll identify lots of guys who had issues with shaving and once done said "I wish I'd done it sooner." The other oft-repeated revelation is the surge in confidence.

I know others will chime in here. But please check back and let us know how things are going. At 22 your son is much too young to settle into "hair crisis" mode. It is, after all, only a haircut.

[Beardman]

Welcome Dad, you have certainly come to the right place. Now hopefully we can help you help your son!

I'm 26 and noticed I was balding when I was as young as 13 or 14, done the deed 5 months ago and as FG said, I wish I did it sooner.

What you are explaining is exactly what almost all of us who have gone sly at a young age have felt at one time. But let me tell you this, 99.9% of the guys here that have shaved their head end up loving the look and never look back! I know I personally felt a weight lift off my shoulders when I shaved my head for the first time, and felt so much better with myself! I feel much more confident, and even started looking at getting into the dating game myself, before shaving my head I always thought to myself "if I don't love myself, how can I expect someone to love me" I've since been a couple of dates and being sly had nothing to do with those dates going further.

I'd recommend you direct him to us, show him some pictures of people his age rocking out the sly look, maybe let him read some of our stories, that kind of thing.

I want to say one thing though, everyone who shaves their head rocks the look, I'm yet to see a single guy (or girl) that doesn't look great sly, no matter what the their head shape!

I don't really know what else to say... I think he would benefit from coming on here and sharing his own experiences though and getting to have a chat with us himself, there are many guys that were his and or young that have joined up recently that have a very good outlook on the whole thing, as well as us vets   

He is very lucky to have a such a supportive parent, keep up the good work

[leighmundo40]

Hi and welcome! You sound like a great Dad!

Reading your post it sounds to me as though your son is going through the "bereavement" phase of hairloss that we all experience to one degree or another. It hits some harder than others. Especially if you are losing hair young, when we are young image is EVERYTHING, you dont want to feel different or unisual.

I think he needs time to adjust, but with you guys supporting him. There's nothing worse sometimes than being "killed by kindness" You KNOW what is right, but it sometimes takes a while to come round to ideas.

Perhaps persuading him to go to talk to someone like a docyor might help? Not for medication to try and grow hair, but to talk about his feelings and work through that.

I hope the advice from the guys on here helps.

[Blitzed]

Since he's in his last year in university, an opportunity presents itself that he may not realize; Leaving school means that he'll eventually be with people who have no experience with him wih all his hair. This is THE time to make the switch for, whatever he may think of the shape of his head, it's going to be exposed whether he likes it or not. The obvious, at least to you and probably everyone else, is that he's well rid of a girl friend who cared only superficially. If he doesn't realize that modeling is only about superficiality then he needs to grow a bit. That he has a good job post graduation means that some group likes him for more than how he looks. And all of that, true as I believe it to be, is not going to wash with him. My point is that if he goes for a very close crop or a peel now, he'll be accepted that way in the future. I first shaved a very full head of hair when I was 57 and worked on air on television. The first year was troubling for others but not for me. Now that I shave my head is just what I do and no one notices.

Your offer to shave your head is great but why not just do it? How often do we hear, "lead by example"? If nothing else, once you've gone bald, he loses the argument that you don't understand. Of course, that will open a new line for him which is...."you don't understand, you can grow it back". But it's still an interesting route to investigate and perhaps pursue.

Under any circumstances, be grateful that you have the sort of relationship with your son that you obviously do. And he should realize how lucky he is to have a father who cares as much as you do.

[Mikekoz13]

Welcome Dad!

Good on you for trying to get your son on track. There are a lot of guys on our Forum that are about your son's age that have shaveed their heads. Many of them came here with similar stories. They ALL have great looking women in their lives (at least the ones I've seen photos of).
Your son's current issues with the women are twofold. 1) The women he is hanging out with are shallow. They are not looking at the heart and soul of the man but only what they percieve the man to be. 2) Your son currently has a self esteem issue. Once he snaps out of this and becomes confident in himself the GOOD women will be there for him to choose from.

He needs to be comfortable with himself to be confident. Send him here and let him talk to us. The group of men here is compassionate and understanding. Many have faced the same confidence issues at some point in the past. Advice is free, given freely, and usually spot on. There will be somebody here that was in EXACTLY the same frame of mind at some point so he can be given good advice.

[Laser Man]

I'm not surei can add to the other good advice already given other than to give you a couple of real world examples that young women are attracted to bald men.  First, my daughter's best friend (age 25) married a young man, also age 25 who shaves his head because of MPB.  She has only known him sly, never with hair.  Second, my neighbor has been shaving his head since college and is now in his early 30s.  He's married to a terrific and terrifically good looking young woman.  Third, both of my daughters at one time or another have dated sly guys.  Of course, I'm biased, but my daughters are good looking and intelligent and they don't see baldness as a problem in a guy.

From the sound of it, your son has a lot going for him.  This is a setback for him, but he certainly overcome it.  Your support is very critical and he's lucky you care so much.  Show him the forum, let him read the boards, post his questions and get support from us.  Once he realizes that others understand his situation, he may start to feel better.  And your offer to buzz / shave with him is great - do and share his experience.

[Sir Harry]

Welcome, Father of Sly!

First, congrats on raising what appears to be a fine young man. Second, your son may feel alone...but he's not. I have heard and seen stories of how hair loss has altered many young men's lives...the whole nine yards (the cueball jokes, the hot girl leaving me, the stares from others, etc. etc.) It's easy to say "It's just hair" and "If a girl leaves you over losing your hair, you don't need her anyway" It may still be hard for your son but his hair loss doesn't have to be the end of the world for him...he may just need a little support from his inner circle (you, Mom and friends) as well as a few "strangers" (us). Why don't you ask him to check the site out for some tips....Or better yet, why don't you, a friend and he all shave your head for St. Baldricks? Being around other head shavers may help him adapt, and in time, he may realize that a buzz cut or a shaved head is simply another haircut. Looking forward to hearing more from both of you, take care and good luck!

[Scottakist]

Well said sir Harry.


I too have that strange shaped head
I call it spine head...
Had a ex girlfriend saymsomethingnabout it the other day
Told her well it sound like your issue not mine
I also told her to ---- off.
 Sometimes we have all grown too polite.
 

[Slyfive]

Fatherofsly,

you are approaching this in an admirable way, well done for being so supportive and trying to help. I am 23, and shaved my head when I was 22, and I went through the 'bereavement process' as Leigh put it. One thing that it might help to let him know, is that the buzz actually accentuates any strange bumps in the head due to both the shadow it creates and the patchy hair, as soon as I shaved smooth, all the bumps I thought I had were barely noticeable, and now I've been bald for a while, they have just become part of the furniture. Send him to this site, and if you like he can correspond with me to my email (just pm me for details), I would be happy to help give him a peers perspective, and talk through any issues he may have.

Good luck and kind regards,

Matt

[Crusher0209]

I have to agree with everyone else on here that has commented I'm still a teenager and I'm completely bald and I love it. Especially when girls or someone else  who ever it might be comes up and rubs my head. He has nothing to worry about but if you go with him on this journey and shave all your hair off or buzz it it will help your son a lot I think. My dad is balding and I have been trying to convince him to shave his head but he doesn't agree with it and I finally did it and love it and told him to go ahead and do it to but he still won't do it. But be there to support him it will help him a lot. You need to be there for him and don't back down from anything be proud of your decisions that you decide to do along with your son it will help a lot with his confidence. He shouldn't have to much trouble out of finding girls or anything there are plenty of men that are young and shave their heads.

[chgobuzzbald]

Sorry guys but this long , detailed story about a "son" smells like a troll post fantasy to me.

[Barbero Pelón]

Sorry guys but this long , detailed story about a "son" smells like a troll post fantasy to me.

Haha, totally.

[chrisphilly123]

Sorry guys but this long , detailed story about a "son" smells like a troll post fantasy to me.

Prob right. And yet that sucks someone would take the time to f**k w/ us.  When I was loosing hair, my old man didn't bat an eye.