Need some advice

[heelsfan20]

Hello folks,

I came across this site randomly and found it really encouraging given the situation. I was hoping for some advice in regards to the best way to tell your significant other that you are months away from being bald (a significant other that doesn't know it's even a concern for me/doesn't even know that I am going bald.) Background I'm in mid 20s and this is my girlfriend of two years.

Thanks for your help!

[Frontier Guy]

Heelsfan, welcome.

"Months away from being bald" - does that mean your hair is thinning/receding? If that's the case, how can she not know - I'm assuming it's been progressive over the two years she has known you.

Or ... if you are planning to go Bald By Choice because you like the look (which is entirely well-founded), then is there other motivation other than a change of style?

Answering those questions will get you better advice.

But based on what you're written - clear, honest communications are always best IMHO. If it were me I'd probably point out some guy in your approximate age range when you're out together and comment on his appearance. Whether she likes it or not you can mention that you think it is attractive. That's the icebreaker for ongoing discussion.

You're considerate to allow time to ease into this for her. If the change in hairstyle is unacceptable to her, perhaps she's not the right choice for you. Relationships need to be based on the inner person (with all their virtues and flaws) and not based on flashy outer packaging.

Just my two cents.

I'm sure you'll get lots of other perspectives from the gang which will help you come up with a plan.

I hope you'll stay in touch here - we all learn from everyone else's experiences.

[heelsfan20]

Its been thinning mostly and I've done all I can to cover it up but it's starting to show signs of taking over so I figure I don't have much time left.

[Laser Man]

If you hair is thinning and it's obvious to you, then it must be obvious to your girlfriend as well.  Why not treat her like an adult and talk it out?  Tell her you want to take control of your hair "situation" by going sly.  Tell her you'll feel better about yourself when you do this.  If she really cares for you, she'll go along - she might be startled when you first bring it up, but if you handle the discussion calmly , it should be fine.

Now my question to you: you do want to go sly, don't you?  If you've been reading the site, you'll see that we love the look, feel, and freedom of being sly - guys and women alike.  We're here to help you along.

[heelsfan20]

I agree that I shoul treat her like an adult (it is just tough being in my 20s as well as feeling like I've wasted her time up until now). I wouldn't say that I want to go sly but it is my only real option. Hopefully I'll change that attitude once I man up and do it.

[Natedawg]

If the change in hairstyle is unacceptable to her, perhaps she's not the right choice for you. Relationships need to be based on the inner person (with all their virtues and flaws) and not based on flashy outer packaging.

Wise words from FG. Very true



Hello and welcome, heelsfan. 2 years is a good while. You should be able to just talk to her straight about it at this point, like npsbg said. If you do want to shave your head, why not try to buzz with zero-guard clippers first? Then you can get an idea of what you are looking at.

[Andrei]

Welcome!

In my case the transition did not went very smoothly. I am BBC, but let's get back to the beginning.
I had a full head of hair and sported medium long haircuts. One day I used the clippers (trying to buzz my hair) and ended up with a no guard buzz. It wasn't what I was aming for so I was a little bit surprised myself, not to mention about the rest.
No previous talk with my girlfriend about me changing my hair style, so I needed to let her know about a drastic change before we would meet.
She wasn't very happy at that moment, but that's now history because she got used to it and I even think she likes it.

IMO, let her know about your plans and buzz it down. Use the razor if you wish to.
In the end: you should be free to choose what you do with your hair.

[heelsfan20]

If you hair is thinning and it's obvious to you, then it must be obvious to your girlfriend as well.  Why not treat her like an adult and talk it out?  Tell her you want to take control of your hair "situation" by going sly.  Tell her you'll feel better about yourself when you do this.  If she really cares for you, she'll go along - she might be startled when you first bring it up, but if you handle the discussion calmly , it should be fine.

Now my question to you: you do want to go sly, don't you?  If you've been reading the site, you'll see that we love the look, feel, and freedom of being sly - guys and women alike.  We're here to help you along.

How would you/things to say recommend handling the situation calmly?

[Beardman]

Firstly, I'd like to welcome you to the club mate, you should be able to find all the help you would ever need here

I am just curious why you would think that the discussion would be anything other then calm? Just casually bring it up with her, just tell her that you have noticed your hair is starting to thin and you are thinking about getting a buzz cut (it doesn't have to be a no guard buzz) to try and make it less noticeable, because at this stage I don't think you are ready to go full sly. Just explain that it is only hair and that if you don't like the look it can always grow back. Also that later on down the track you are considering going full sly.

[Slynito]

Welcome to SBG...there's no reason not to have a calm discussion about your desires.

[Razor X]

When was the last time the two of you sat down to have a discussion about what she was thinking of doing with her hair? 

[Laser Man]

If you hair is thinning and it's obvious to you, then it must be obvious to your girlfriend as well.  Why not treat her like an adult and talk it out?  Tell her you want to take control of your hair "situation" by going sly.  Tell her you'll feel better about yourself when you do this.  If she really cares for you, she'll go along - she might be startled when you first bring it up, but if you handle the discussion calmly , it should be fine.

Now my question to you: you do want to go sly, don't you?  If you've been reading the site, you'll see that we love the look, feel, and freedom of being sly - guys and women alike.  We're here to help you along.

How would you/things to say recommend handling the situation calmly?

Treat the whole thing as a normal discussion - you've noticed your MPB more and more and you want to take control of the situation.

[-Doug-]

Some great advice is posted in this thread. I've copied it below for convenience sake. No better words have been spoken about this topic IMHO. Just to clarify, these are Vash's words of wisdom, not mime. All the credit belongs to the him.

I wrote and posted this back in 2009. It's at least an outline of a letter you can literally hand to the important people in your life who can't get on board with your choice of haircut (yes, it's just a haircut). Feel free to adjust it to your voice and to say exactly what you mean. But be clear and up front.

Dear _____________

I’ve explained to you over and over that shaving my head makes ME feel stronger, more in control, less a victim of nature and more the master of my own world. And I’m sorry to be so blunt, but this time, it really IS all about ME.

We’ve been over this and over this. While I respect your opinion, it’s my head, my life, my choice. You don’t need to like it, you need to like (or love) me, and what I look like shouldn’t matter.

I’ve chosen not to hide from the reality of my situation. It causes me stress to always feel like people are watching my hair fade away and fall out. I don’t want to spend ridiculous amounts of money on “hair restoratives” or hair pieces and I can’t wear a hat ALL the time! Trust me, I’ve tried.

No, I am not being dramatic or making a big deal out of nothing. Whether you realize it or not, I am going through something here. I am having an experience that is changing my perspective about my sense of self and my looks. It’s affecting me in a real way and I need you to help me make this adjustment.

I have chosen to not only embrace the reality of my hair loss, but to MASTER my own appearance. After all we’ve been through, all we’ve meant to one another, all we’ve seen each other through, are you really willing to let something as trivial as my HAIRCUT, be something to come between us? Because that’s what’s happening right now. Every little joke, comment, complaint or just weird look you give me, you are making me uncomfortable, for trying to be comfortable. YOU are making my haircut an issue between us.

What I need from you is your understanding that this is something that is important to me, and difficult for me to deal with. I need your understanding, your kindness, your support. What I need you to do is listen to me, not just hear me. Respect my choice in this matter. Support my decision and accept me for who I am. A bald person.

You know I love and respect you and your opinion. And I have heard what you think about this. I took that into consideration when I made the choice to not have a bald spot, or a receding hairline, but to be a guy who shaves his head. I really, really need you to get behind me on this, or at least get out of my way about it. I need for you to not just "agree to disagree", but  for you to decide for yourself that our relationship is more important to you than a haircut.

Thanks for your time.


Maybe the fact that you've actually taken the time to write it out will demonstrate that you are being serious and that they are being hurtful. In the event that they try to tell you that you are being dramatic or sensitive by giving them a written letter, you might want to mention that it is THEIR behavior and lack of sensitivity that has brought you to this point.

best of luck.

[Sir Harry]

Welcome, Heelsfan! I really can't add on to what was said already...but good luck with whatever direction you choose to go.

[chgobuzzbald]

Do NOT ask her permission to buzz your head. If she hates it then you need to consider whether to continue with the relationship. If she loves you for you then this will be a non issue. If she acts like a spoiled brat why would you want such a relationship ? You may need to get some self confidence that as a sly guy you can have a great girlfriend, it is just in your mind that bald is a negative look and you will be a loser if you are bald. You know thats not true dont you ?