Thoughts anyone?

[DC]

Three years ago, when I first went sly, my wife remarked that it brought back memories of her being bald due to chemotherapy in 2001.  In the intervening time from 2010 to now, my wife had a recurrence last year4 and again practically lost her hair (which since grew back).

Today, on the way home from church, my wife asked if I'd consider not shaving my head again since it again reminded her of her chemo days.  She was nice, and said that if it were someone else it'd be one thing; however I'm her better half and that what makes it troubling.  I didn't answer since (to be honest) I plan to keep it Sly for sure.  I understand my wife's sentiments, however (and please don't discount me as being heartless) she needs to get over that part of her experience and realize our Sly experiences are worlds apart.  Plus, if I allow what she feels to dictate what I do in my life, then what else will I cede?

Right now, I'm keeping it Sly and I thank you for listening.  Peace!

[baldOUfan]

I agree we can't help what memories or emotions ect our slyness  brings for other people.

[Free at Last]

 Wow

 First ...I wish all the best for your wife in a full recovery.

  Im hearing her but....sbe needs to understand that,
if you grow it out a bit your head may look like a half eatin donut.
 That may also make you look like an older person.
 This may make you an unhappy man

 Good Luck....in getting her to understand.

[Bolohead]

You got to do and fulfill what makes YOU happy, I feel for your wife's recovery and wish her well.  My son grew his hair long, for the longest time... finally getting it cut off and donating all of it to Locks of Love, for those women who lost their hair to chemo.

We have but one life here on earth, and you got to feel your best 

[waine]

DC, to be perfectly honest, I think your wife is asking too much from you.  You are finally happy bald after struggling with hair loss.  Why must you now not enjoy this happiness for the memory of an event that took place 11 years ago?  I would talk it through with her before making a decision.

[StumpyDave]

Woo - tough one.
Being shaved makes you happy.
Your being shaved makes your wife unhappy.

Talk to her about it and come to a compromise.  I'm sure her unhappiness would take the edge off being sly for you but she needs to know how you feel about it as well.

[buddha]

Wow. This is a tough one. I've read posts from guys who have wives or GFs bitching about the sly look because their friends might not like it or it doesn't go well with her new purse but this is way different. Normally I would say that a guy just does what makes him happy but with cancer and chemo being involved.....well, I just can't say that. This is much bigger.

Understandably your wife has some issues about hair loss due to what has happened to her. Whether I think she has a right to these feelings is totally irrelevant, I'm not the one who just endured a bout of chemo or survived cancer.

The thing I might recommend is to find a competent couples' counselor and make an appointment to go in and talk this out in front of someone who has nothing invested in the problem. And although their answer might make you less than happy I would go along with it just because of the gravity of what has transpired. Fear of death can be remarkably powerful and it doesn't surprise me that one who has experienced what your wife has would have some issues afterward. Sometimes that independent third party can help.

Just a thought.

[Sir Harry]

I certainly see both sides of this....I see that your being sly makes you happy, whereas your being sly brings back some unpleasant memories for your wife....I agree, maybe you should talk to an objective third party about this....We can all pass our opinions, positive or adverse, but at the end of the day, it's up to you two to find some happy medium for your marriage. That said, congratulations to your wife for her recovery, and I pray for continued good health for her. God Bless.

[mahaw90]

For me personally if my loved one asked me that I would do it for her. That is more important to me than shaving my head. I would want her to be happy and if everytime she looked at me she would get upset And bring back bad memories it's a simple answer from me.

[leighmundo40]

I can see her point. Sometimes when people go through something horrendous and then come out the other side, reminders such as smell, touch, sights, places etc, can be really difficult.

Is there a compramise that you can come to? Perhaps growing it back to a certain length?

[Sir Harry]

Ultimately, it is up to you....but I have a few suggestions:

1. Alternate between sly and a short haircut every three months (only downside here is you will either have hair when it's hot or be bald when it's cold, though the latter shouldn't matter)

2. You could do "six months on and six months off" My suggestion is go sly from April 1-Sept. 30 and grow your hair out October 1-March 31.

3. I have a friend who likes to grow a little "buzz-cut/ivy league" hairstyle in the winter months. He shaves his head when Daylight Savings Time starts and grows it out to the aforementioned hairstyle when D.S.T. ends

4. If you grow your hair out (I don't know if you're BBC or have MPB) a barber can suggest what short hairstyles would go well with a beard/goatee/moustache.

Once again, good luck and prayers go out to both of you.

[Frontier Guy]

The thing I might recommend is to find a competent couples' counselor and make an appointment to go in and talk this out in front of someone who has nothing invested in the problem.

Buddha, thanks for making that suggestion. It had occurred to me, but I wasn't able to wrap the necessary thoughts around it.

[tomgallagher]

Maybe a no-guard buzz would do the trick.

[DC]

Thanks for your thoughts my Sly Bros.  It can be a toughie, however it's not been a "marriage killer" in our home; nor has it required counseling.

For now, I'm going to keep it Sly and walk my wife through it.  As some of you said, it's my choice and right.  If the situation was reversed, I'd respect my wife if she wanted to go Sly since her style and my ailment would be two different situations.  In fact, when my wife was bald she looked rather sexy.

To me, it really boils down to familiarity and the power of the hair culture.  I'm BBC and could grow a full wavy head in a heartbeat (thanks to genetics) that's mixed gray.  My wife has always enjoyed my hairiness and now has to make an adjustment with my being Sly.  Plus, we put so much stock in having hair in our culture.  Me?  I think a Sly person is a rebel who stands out!

Thanks again!

[Big Kahuna]

Keep it sly.  Your look has nothing to do with her medical condition.  (God Bless her!). I think she will grow to love your look.  My wife very much disliked it when I first went sly.  Now, she can't get enough of me!  It was along hard road, but worth every step!