Look The Other Way ?

[stasiu]

To All :   Need some advice.  My friend has two sons.  Her oldest, age 23, is in the army and basically norwood 5 male pattern bald with zero guard haircut.  The younger son, age 20, is already like a norwood 3A (his forehead hairline is non-existant) and the top looks like #4 buzz while sides/back is longer (black hair bozo the clown look).   I had not seen the younger son since he graduated high school when he was 17, so I was shocked to see his hairloss progression and I mentioned to his Mom (privately).  She snapped at me "Don't bitch to me, blame it on his idiot dad" (they are divorced).  The son would look better sly or buzzed tight.  Do I say anything to him or leave well enough alone and just look the other way?

[Sir Harry]

It depends on how close you are with these people...Since the younger son is now a consenting adult maybe you could talk to him one on one about the situation....Given that shaving your head is becoming more mainstream, I wouldn't be surprised if he went sly within the next three years. But remember, all mothers are sensitive towards their kids...no matter how old they are. If you feel comfortable with this family to ask such a "personal" question, by all means ask...but if you think this may damage or end the friendship, I'd leave well enough alone.

[buddha]

If I were in your position I would leave it alone. I say that because there is nothing, really, to be gained for me by saying anything to him. There are plenty of bald icons out there that if he hasn't gotten the message by now on his own a more pressing matter would be stronger eyeglasses.

Plus, I find this practice that I might refer to as "Sly Evangelism" to be really kinda, for lack of a better word, boring. Sort of brings to mind people who quit smoking or drinking after decades. They tend to evangelize in the hope of recruiting converts. It's almost painful to go somewhere that this person is going to be because you just know that at some point they're gonna start. And since you didn't indicate that young "Bozo" has asked for input I would make the assumption that he doesn't want any.
 
In the long run this is not a religious experience or an adventure of some kind.....it's a haircut. And sly ain't gotta be sold because sly sells itself. 

[KDusk]

If I were in your position I would leave it alone. I say that because there is nothing, really, to be gained for me by saying anything to him. There are plenty of bald icons out there that if he hasn't gotten the message by now on his own a more pressing matter would be stronger eyeglasses.

Plus, I find this practice that I might refer to as "Sly Evangelism" to be really kinda, for lack of a better word, boring. Sort of brings to mind people who quit smoking or drinking after decades. They tend to evangelize in the hope of recruiting converts. It's almost painful to go somewhere that this person is going to be because you just know that at some point they're gonna start. And since you didn't indicate that young "Bozo" has asked for input I would make the assumption that he doesn't want any.
 
In the long run this is not a religious experience or an adventure of some kind.....it's a haircut. And sly ain't gotta be sold because sly sells itself. 

I agree with all of the above.

It's not up to you or me to 'advise' other people. That hasn't to do anything with looking the other way, merely with good manners. I might think someone doesn't look good with a particular hairstyle or hair colour, but that is their choice. As long as they can look in the mirror each morning and feel good about themselves, then there is no problem, right? I got called out one or two times about my thinning hair back then and I really didn't appreciate it.

[Mikekoz13]

Th great and wise Buddha has spoken. Heed his advice and all will be well.

[Lynchy]

If I were in your position I would leave it alone. I say that because there is nothing, really, to be gained for me by saying anything to him. There are plenty of bald icons out there that if he hasn't gotten the message by now on his own a more pressing matter would be stronger eyeglasses.

Plus, I find this practice that I might refer to as "Sly Evangelism" to be really kinda, for lack of a better word, boring. Sort of brings to mind people who quit smoking or drinking after decades. They tend to evangelize in the hope of recruiting converts. It's almost painful to go somewhere that this person is going to be because you just know that at some point they're gonna start. And since you didn't indicate that young "Bozo" has asked for input I would make the assumption that he doesn't want any.
 
In the long run this is not a religious experience or an adventure of some kind.....it's a haircut. And sly ain't gotta be sold because sly sells itself. 

+1 .... But if you are close you should be able to say whatever you like IMO

[Laser Man]

I have to agree with buddha. Leave well enough alone. If he asks your advice, give it, but don't initiate it.

[Frontier Guy]

Chiming in as well on the "don't intrude" tally.

Just be a positive Bald role model and, depending on the relationship, he may ask you for your opinion when he's ready to hear them. Until then, he's not going to be ready and the situation will become tense for all concerned.

Just my opinion.

[xnewyawka]

Right on buddha, perfectly said. I think it's probably best to lead by example. If he happens to ask your opinion, then by all means go ahead and give your encouragement.

[aarrggh]

Talk the mom into shaving her head . . . .   

[stasiu]

Thanks everyone for advice and I will look the other way.  I know how I felt with premature thinning and someone's comments.  Everything works out in its own way(s).

[Blitzed]

Thanks everyone for advice and I will look the other way.  I know how I felt with premature thinning and someone's comments.  Everything works out in its own way(s).

Actually, withing what you've written lies a middle path. While I agree that suggesting a few moments with a razor would improve them isn't good form. There's nothing to prevent you from commenting on how YOU felt when YOU noticed you were balding and how shaving solved some internal torment. They also need to know that, at first, and at their age, it's traumatic to either lose your hair or shaving it. If they take the (thinly) veiled hint, great, if not you may have opened a line of conversation that may come up later.

[TheSlyBear]

I have a nephew in the same situation -- I didn't say anything until he asked. And only then I advised him on the benefits of sly. (Much to his mother's chagrin.)

[waine]

@stasiu

I would just pop a hint and suggest it as an alternative, if you know them well enough.  If they are toying with the idea, then refer them to this site which is the best feed to assist them is making up their own minds.  If you feel the mom will give you any lip, then yes, “Look the other way” and let the lads find their own way in life with the “Bozo Clown” look.  LOL, that is so funny!

[mrzed]

Thanks everyone for advice and I will look the other way.  I know how I felt with premature thinning and someone's comments.  Everything works out in its own way(s).

Your example of a bald or shaved bald head may say more than your words. It looks so crisp and defining compared to a 'bozo the clown' type of hair cut. But some guys just don't seem to care.  I have a friend with four sons. One looks like bozo the clown.  Really needs to shave his head. I just roll my eyes.