Author Topic: UUUGH WHY ME!?!? (Read 19416 times)

beanerdawg · « **Reply #30 on:** July 12, 2012, 01:34:22 PM »

I'd rather not link my specific profile...

Generally my first email is very casual. Asking a simple 1-2 questions referencing something in their profile...the lack of response must simply be a physical attraction thing...

Here's an example email...

Hey Danielle!

I grew up in the ####, but now live on the ####. I never realized how hot the #### was until I moved over the hill. I love to get out and go hiking. Have you ever hiked ####?

-######

Seems pretty simple enough, right?

JasonR · « **Reply #31 on:** July 12, 2012, 01:59:49 PM »

I think you're just shotgunning emails out and seeing who responds. Can post your profile text, at least? We're trying to help you out.

I would write a more thoughtful email...something that at least takes a little effort. At the end...perhaps ask them out for a drink / coffee etc.

What dating website are you using? I've found them all to be different as far as types of people you can meet, age group of women, etc.

beanerdawg · « **Reply #32 on:** July 12, 2012, 02:26:17 PM »

Everything I have heard says to not ask them out in the first email. Most say keep it less than 6 sentences...
Match.com

"My closest friends would probably describe me as loyal, fun, adventurous.

I was born and raised in ######. and have spent a good part of my 20's focusing solely on my career. While I am having a great time with my career, I feel like I have reached a point where it would be even more fun to have someone to share these experiences with.

Some of the things that I enjoy are traveling-I have traveled around the world quite a bit. I try to visit at least one new country a year. Last year was Cambodia. Traveling is one of my greatest passions and fortunately for me my job allows me to do this. I truly believe getting out of your comfort zone and experiencing new sights, sounds, and cultures is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Cooking. No one has ever complained about my Chicken Picatta.

My dog. By far the greatest dog ever.

Trying new things...I'm the type of person that orders the strangest dish at a restaurant just to say I've tried it. Live octopus anyone? You only live once!

I wouldn't say that I have a set type of girl I'm looking for. Most importantly they should be kind, have values, open to adventures, and knows or has an idea on what she wants in life"

JasonR · « **Reply #33 on:** July 12, 2012, 02:37:31 PM »

Thanks...Match.com is something I would recommend.

The way your description is written seems a little dull. While YOU don't seem dull, I think you could spice it up a little bit. I would also leave out the part where you say "It would even be more fun to have someone to share these experiences with." It sounds needy. I would say something like, "I have very limited time, so I am selective on who I choose to go out with. I really enjoy life, and the only thing really missing is someone to share my life with."

Can you post the photos you have on Match as well?

Also, if you have reached out to 40 women, and only one has responded, don't you think it's time to change your strategy? They are on Match to BE ASKED OUT! Try it. If that doesn't work try a different way of approaching them.

This is just my opinion, and is meant to help you. I'm not an expert.

beanerdawg · « **Reply #34 on:** July 12, 2012, 02:45:14 PM »

Thanks for the advice. I don't disagree that the description sounds dull. I'm much better in person...

Slyfive · « **Reply #35 on:** July 12, 2012, 04:33:53 PM »

I agree with Jason in some ways but not in others. I agree that your profile doesn't sell you as well as it could, now that isn't to say that it needs a complete overhaul, you should like a good honest dude who likes adventure, which is great, but just spice it up a little.

I don't agree with Jason's wording, saying that you are very selective doesn't have positive connotations to me, perhaps just saying you've reached the next stage in your life, or are now ready for the next big adventure.

Also, you sound like a cool guy, real live dating may sometimes be brutal, but it still really is the best way, so don't focus all your efforts online. And remember not to be disheartened by people not getting back to you, it only takes one!

waine · « **Reply #36 on:** July 13, 2012, 02:09:30 AM »

Beanerdawg

Try to just chat in general via email or PM's on the various dating sites you frequent, without trying to "sell" yourself or even remotely indicating that you are looking for female company. A woman will pick up if you are sending out a vibe that you want to "date". By casually exchanging "e-conversation" you and her will get a "feel" for each other, and then things may blossom from there, or they may not. Then you move on to the next one. A "secret" is to be more interested in her than trying to "sell" yourself. Women want to be "listened" to and loved, never try to "understand" them, because you and I will never!

Don’t give up, don’t think you are failing; there is a partner for everyone in this life, whether you are thin, fat, handsome, ugly, rich, poor, or bald...

The Baron · « **Reply #37 on:** July 13, 2012, 07:34:52 PM »

Quote from: beanerdawg on July 12, 2012, 12:31:58 PM

Interesting to see my post get a lot of attention these past few days.

Things didn't work out between us. (Hair had nothing to do with it.)

That said, I started an online dating profile and am having 0 luck. It's kind of disheartening. Especially when I'm sending out emails to girls that physically aren't my type, but sound really cool and I'm still not getting any sort of responses. I have literally sent out 40 emails and have only heard back from 1 person. $:-\$

Hello again beanerdawg,

Sorry to hear that things didn't work out between you and your lady friend. I was hoping to be proven wrong. It would have given us both a lot of hope. Many of the other members of this site have posted about their pretty wives or girlfriends. I have no reason to doubt the validity of their claims. However, I do believe that it's fair to say that many other men are not in that position. Many of them are bald, short, poor, etc.

It appears that I am the only other man here who is in your situation. That makes me the only man here who understands your problem. So I am going to give you some friendly advice. First of all, disregard my first post. It was an over generalization. It is true for some men, but not all men. You were able to get and hold a woman's interest for more than a brief moment. That means that you have potential. The road to love may not be easy for you. It can be a long and challenging road for many people, bald or not. For bald men like ourselves it can be even more of a challenge.

The second piece of advice would be to avoid trendy bars or night clubs. The women who go to places like that tend to be shallow and elitist. Some of those places would turn you away at the front door. Most of us already know about the rope line and the social politics that control who gets inside. If you want to meet women out in public a neighborhood bar or cafe would be a better choice. I have heard that book stores, supermarkets or public parks are also good hunting grounds if you are looking to bag a babe. Yes, men are natural hunters. We are expected by society to hunt for what we want or need. Most women want to be pursued. They love the way it feels to be wanted and desired by men. They also find it exciting to be actively pursued or "chased" by men. They want men to come and get them.

If you are too shy to approach a woman in public, there is the internet. I don't know what dating site you just joined. However, I would strongly recommend eHarmony. I tried a lot of dating sites over the years. I can honestly tell you that eHarmoney yielded the best results. I was unemployed at the time and too self conscious to post a photo on my profile. Even with those two strikes against me I was still able to peak a few women's interest. I would have stayed with the site, but I could not afford to stay. I'm thinking about going back now that I'm financially able to do so.

There are several reasons why eHarmony works better for men like us. The main reason is that the site has the highest female to male ratio, 58% female 42% male. Most dating sites have a higher percentage of men. Unlike most dating sites, there is no search feature. You can't look for other members of the site. The site selects matches for you based on your personality and criteria that you request such as age or race. Then the matches are sent to you. If you or the woman are not interested in the match, you can choose to "close it". You receive a few matches every day or so, it varies. I got some pretty good matches from the site. If anything, I thought that most of the women were too good for me. This site is perfect for shy people because it eliminates the dilemma of who makes the first move. And since there is no search feature, it cuts down on the number of shallow people on the site. The members are looking for a soul mate, not a hot date. So if you are looking for a long term relationship, this would be your best bet online. It's like an online match making service. It's also much cheaper than a regular match maker.

One last piece of advice. I would avoid the free dating sites. The people on those sites tend to be flakes and not serious about looking for a real relationship. There are also a lot of scam artists on those sites. The class of people on those sites is generally not good. They are free sites and you usually get what you pay for, nothing. Sure, you can meet a nice person on a free site. It's just not very likely.

Good Luck!

The Baron

Slyfive · « **Reply #38 on:** July 13, 2012, 08:03:23 PM »

Hi Baron,

it's nice to see you posting positively and giving some advice. Please don't feel that you are the only one in this situation, believe me, most, if not all of us have been there at some point, hell I was obese, went through years and years of depression, and had the self esteem of a dead goldfish; but this is the journey that we call life, we may seem irrelevant to the situation, but we are all offering our honest advice based on how we got to this point. We believe in both you guys even if you don't, and all it takes is a little faith, and good helping of self-belief. I know it isn't easy, and it's hard to maintain hope, but in the end, there will always be those who will love you, you just need to let them. Peace guys, look after yourselves and have faith.

All the best,

Matt

Frontier Guy · « **Reply #39 on:** July 13, 2012, 08:09:52 PM »

Well stated Matt.

We all have our individual journeys - some are direct to the destination, and others include lots of side trips which may test our patience but may also provide some extraordinary opportunities for personal growth, life experiences, and possibly meeting someone! It is as adventuresome as we choose to make it.

Best thoughts to all in their travels.

The Baron · « **Reply #40 on:** July 14, 2012, 01:37:04 AM »

Quote from: Slyfive on July 13, 2012, 08:03:23 PM

Hi Baron,

it's nice to see you posting positively and giving some advice. Please don't feel that you are the only one in this situation, believe me, most, if not all of us have been there at some point, hell I was obese, went through years and years of depression, and had the self esteem of a dead goldfish; but this is the journey that we call life, we may seem irrelevant to the situation, but we are all offering our honest advice based on how we got to this point. We believe in both you guys even if you don't, and all it takes is a little faith, and good helping of self-belief. I know it isn't easy, and it's hard to maintain hope, but in the end, there will always be those who will love you, you just need to let them. Peace guys, look after yourselves and have faith.

All the best,

Matt

Thanks Matt,

I appreciate the emotional support. I'm sure that beanerdawg feels the same way. I think that he will be fine. He has one thing working in his favor that I don't. That one thing is time. Unlike myself beanerdawg is still a young man. At 26 years old he still has plenty of time to find a mate. I think it might be too late for me. Dating is a young person's game.

There is one more thing that I forget to tell you beanerdawg. Women on dating sites typically get more emails than men. How much more? A lot more. So many in fact that some women can't keep up with all of them. It's common for women to not read most of their messages. They simply don't have the time. Many of the emails are deleted without so much as a glance. Your messages are most likely getting lost in the inbox clutter. All the more reason to join a site with more women than men. It will improve your chances greatly.

Sir Harry · « **Reply #41 on:** July 14, 2012, 07:56:03 AM »

Baron, I'm glad that your stance has softened somewhat.....I just got divorced at the end of March and in May at the Bowling Alley I met a nice young lady that's about eight years younger than me....(I just turned 40 a little more than a week ago.). We have common interests and I really enjoy her company. For now we are friends because we both just got out of marriages that we would soon like to forget, that said, while it's okay to have standards, you have to keep them at a happy medium. If you're too hard, you end up lonely for a long time, if you're too easy, well you could end up with the wrong person. I will keep both of you, beanerdawg and Baron, in my prayers that you can conquer the mountain of love...but you have to conquer the mountain of self confidence, and looks like you both are heading in that direction. Good luck!

Arty Chris · « **Reply #42 on:** July 15, 2012, 01:59:12 PM »

I'm with Jason on this. Being selective is a good thing.

Does she want to be with someone who'll go out with anyone, or does she want to be with someone who has standards?

And to be a little controversial... I truly don't feel that being bald is an issue with regard to dating!

You're bald! You look great!

What's more important is that you're confident, genuine, strong (internally) and congruent.

beanerdawg · « **Reply #43 on:** July 16, 2012, 07:16:29 PM »

This is getting old. I have had about 5 or 6 responses. I send a second email and don't hear back. I don't come across as overly aggressive or creepy.(I asked a female friend of mine) One girl and I IM'ed back and forth for an hour, exchanged FB profiles and I gave her my cell#. Haven't heard from her. I must be more hideous than I thought....

aarrggh · « **Reply #44 on:** July 16, 2012, 07:26:11 PM »

EAT SOME STRAWBERRIES !