22 and Balding, reactions to my newly *nearly* shaved head

[Buckeye139]

I started losing my hair around 18, and it was a very slow process. As time goes on, the hair loss picks up it's pace, and at 22, I have finally reached the point where there is no hiding it anymore. It is to the point where it is something that is indisputable, and obvious, whereas in the past, I was very successful at hiding it and downplaying it.

Over the last 2 years, I have had to rock the "shaggy" look and basically become a magician at wearing my hair just right so that my receding hairline was covered up. This sounds terrible, but I was actually quite good at it, and since my hair loss wasn't all that bad, I don't think I ever got a single comment about my hairline.

As of late, with my hairline receding further and further along my temples, and thinning in the frontal area, it has become increasingly more difficult and time consuming constantly hiding my baldness. After a lot of thought and back and forth in my mind, I decided to just bite the bullet, and cut it all off. Since I still have a good amount of hair on my head, I thought I'd rock the 5 oclock shadow look on my head, instead of straight shaving it. I did it myself with a #1 guard.

My first reaction to it was a mixture of emotions including: Freedom, masculinity, optimism, but paradoxically a feeling of depression, disgust at how I looked, a feeling of nakedness, and a feeling of vulnerability, as now my receding hairline that I have been defiantly covering up for the past 3-4 years, is now in plain sight.

My girlfriend encouraged me to do it, not so much because of my hairloss, but because of her preference for more virile looking guys with short/no hair, as opposed to shaggy haired men. I suppose it helped knowing that I had her support, and I had a long weekend off from class, so I figured if I did it on the first day of my break, I would have a little time to mentally cope with it, and get more accustomed to it before I had to show it off in a public forum.

The problem is, I have ALWAYS looked young for my age. I have ALWAYS been thin. I have ALWAYS been tall. I'm at a very awkward stage in my life to lose my hair. My weight (185 lbs) has not fully caught up with my height (6'4). I work out, but my body just doesn't like to hold weight, regardless of how disciplined I am with my workout and diet regime. I yoyo between 190 and 170 depending on my motivation.

So I always hated being tall and skinny. I have a baby face. Very flat, soft cheeks, a recessive chin, and a weak jawline. I just have very soft features. I also have a small head. And then, as if all of this sh*t wasn't enough, my cheeks are permanently flushed red because of rosacea.

My facial hair is still patchy, and although it looks good, it hasn't fully developed, so I can't really rock a beard, but do look good with a little stubble.

I'm just so infuriated with my looks. Growing up, I was always a very good looking kid, and this continued even up to high school. I peaked at like 16. Then I hit this big growth spurt and become very tall and lanky. It bothered me, so I religiously got into working out/bodybuilding. As soon as that got more under control, boom, the rosacea sets in, and my cheeks are constantly, hot, red, and puffy.

Then, after trying to reassure myself that these are minor flaws, and everybody has their shortcomings, and just trying to fucking make the best of things, BAM, MPB.

Now I am lanky, babyfaced, red faced, and have a jude law hairline. All at 22.

I wonder what's next, honestly. I don't see how I could get anymore wrenches thrown into my plans of being a normal looking adult. I am rambling now.

Basically, I laid low after cutting my hair off, hoping that if I waited a week or so, I would be more comfortable with it, or my forehead would get a little color (since it was white as f**k). Finally, last night I went to a party with my college friends. Naturally, I wore my baseball cap, and was hoping that people would notice my shorter hair, but not directly address it per se.

Well, you know that feeling in your head, that worry of the worst case scenario? It happened. We were packed into a kitchen (college house party) drinking beer and having a big group conversation (about 5 of my close friends, and 10 people/girls that I had never met until that night). Everything was going great, I was having an awesome time, when my buddy standing next to me goes "heyyy what happened with you hair!!?" and simultaneously yanks my ballcap off of my head. I try to just play it off "Oh yeah man I just decided to buzz it" but everybody's eyes were already fixated on my hairline. I think it made everyone a little uncomfortable honestly, because it was clear I had been trying to hide it. Then somebody says "you got that receding hairline man, you're going bald!".

The looks I got weren't reassuring. They weren't looks of "this looks good", but rather looks of disapproval and confusion as to why I did it. Then a couple of people suggested I not wear hats so much, and that it was probably because of my hats that I was going bald. I also had people suggest other ridiculous broscience ways of curing it. Not one person said it looked good, or gave me any reassuring comments. Not even a fucking try.

At that point, I just decided I might as well lose the hat entirely, and for the remainder of the evening various people told me how much different I looked without my shaggy hair. I kept a good attitude, and did a good job of not letting the comments get to me. I put on a poker face of "haha i know, oh well!!", but on the inside my ego definitely took a blow. All was okay though since we were drinking.

Now that I have sobered up, I kind of look back at it and take a few things from it.

1. There is no more hiding it. The ballcaps make me look better, but make me look insecure as soon as people become aware of why im wearing it.

2. My friends are assholes and people are REALLY blunt about feelings on baldness. I don't know why baldness seems to be the one ailment people are comfortable talking about openly. I'm sure to anyone in the room, it was clear that I was uncomfortable with my hair loss, so I don't understand what compels people to call it out or bring it to attention. I would never call someone fat to their face, or tell someone they had bad acne, or bad teeth, but evidently it's okay to openly call out and mildly joke about baldness. I really am kind of upset that not one single person could offer any words of encouragement. Even a disingenuous "you pull it off" or "i like short hair" or "it's not so bad man, I kind of like it" would have gone a long way in making me better about my situation.

3. I have a long way to go in accepting it. I thought I was doing a good job, but last night's experience really set me back.

If you have somehow managed to read through all of this, I commend you. I initially wanted to make a concise post about my experience, but once I started writing, it was nice to vent, and I couldn't stop. 

[marty22]

welcome and chill a little!

[Acme]

Welcome. It's probably not as bad as you're making it out to be and there are a lot worse things in life that people deal with. Hang out here a little and you'll most likely start to accept it and feel better. It is traumatic when you realize it's happend to you but it doesn't have to make you miserable if you don't let it. Many of us use this as a positive experience. Hopefully you will be able to also.

[Oracle]

Hey Buckeye!  I know how you feel, friends can be jerks at times especially at your age.  They are still trying to impress everyone, especially the girls with how mature they are and sometimes they do tthat at the expense of their friends.  Nature isn't through with that group just yet.  There will come a day when several of those friends are going to notice more hair or their pillow cases or on  the  bottom of their shower.  You will know how they feel.

[Paul the Headblader]

welcome, and quite a sad story. fact, it's not that sad, you've just made it look that way.
I'm the "god of being opened mind" around.
I used to have alot of hair too. curly. people around me liked it, but I didn't, so I've shaved it off! never had hairloss problems or so, so I'm bald by choice.
I've read all your story, and I can say: it's sad for you! not sad because you're balding, but sad because:
1: you were trying to hide it, which is the opposite thing of opened mind
2: you made it look so ...awful. why not screw those who don't like it? have you ever thought of your girlfriend, that she likes, on that moment? I guess no.
Look. I saw you made quite a topic here, with all the writing and so on, and I swear I've read it all! I will keep an eye on this topic especially, and if you want to ask me something about lightening up, or about showing off, I'll be here for you. you can also ask me things via forum pm (private message).
Good luck with showing it off:D

[Cyberdyne]

Hi there!
Sorry to hear you're feeling low about this. One question I have is; have you asked any friends who haven't been drinking? You might find a different & more real response ; )
Whilst the perceived negative responses can seem overwhelming right now, you should use the Sly approach of 30 days shaven & then assess how you feel. You may well find a shaven head & an open mind will lead you to a place filled with more happiness than you imagined!

Stick with the shave & keep us posted on your progress!
All the best
Cyberdyne

[Buckeye139]

Thank you for all of the prompt replies! I sincerely appreciate the warmth I have been met with, and the understanding of my feelings, because I'm aware of how dramatic, vain, and obnoxious my original post probably sounded. Like I said, half way through writing, it became more of a therapeutic blog post than a forum thread, but I just decided 'to hell with it, this is how I really feel' and post it anyways.

I'm confident that my hair loss is something that I will come to terms with, and despite what it may sound like for those of you who were gracious enough to read my entire post, I have been making strides towards acceptance for years, this is just sort of a set back. I think we all have those moments of anger, frustration, and depression, at least in the earlier stages, and that's kind of where I'm at.

In reference to my girlfriend, she was very excited to see my new "haircut", when she saw it, her response was underwhelming. She looked at it and said "I liked it better last time" (as in last time I had my hair cut short, which was quite some time ago, and before my hairline had receded so badly). I pointed this out to her, and actually got a little bit mad at her for not liking it more, since her encouragement was a lot of why I worked up the courage to do it, so it felt a little bit like she hung me out to dry! She later made a lot of positive comments, saying that it instantly made me look more jacked, and that it accentuated my body. She likes rubbing my head, and I do genuinely think she likes it. I really hit the jackpot when finding a girlfriend, because I seem to have found one of the good ones who is very attractive, and yet very okay with my hair loss. To her, it seems to be a non issue, and she has stated on more than one occasion that she really doesn't care how much hair I have on my head, as long as I stay in shape, and keep some stubble, that's the look she digs anyways!

I don't overlook that, and I know I'm very fortunate to have someone like her.

Unfortunately I have to deal with a whole world of people out there, who are not all as accepting as my girlfriend. I have a lot of coping skills to develop, a lot of humility to gain, and a long road in front of me. The only way past it is through it, and I'm ready to rock. Cheers to baldness.

[Paul the Headblader]

dude:D you didn't get it
really, why care for the people? they all got their problems! maybe one of those guys that told you about the hairloss at the party, in the kitchen, was wearing a wig. or maybe he has the same problem, but you didn't noticed it because YOU DID NOT CARE!
we've all got our problems, if we care about what left thinks about right and viceversa, we're screwed
your GF likes it, think her as she's the right one, and the others are wrong
trust me, it's for the win

[Slyfive]

Irock makes a good point, having a girl who's down with it is so awesome, mine is and I swear I would have been struggling so much more if she wasn't. As for friends, your real friends will accept it when they adjust, I've been rocking the #1 for a while to prepare, most people started out with 'OH MY GOD YOU'RE BALD YOU OLD MAN' (I'm 22), but now it's just 'hey Matt, looking tidy'. Im yet to fully go sly, but I'll let you know how their reaction changes.

[Ravenangel]

Thank you for all of the prompt replies! I sincerely appreciate the warmth I have been met with, and the understanding of my feelings, because I'm aware of how dramatic, vain, and obnoxious my original post probably sounded. Like I said, half way through writing, it became more of a therapeutic blog post than a forum thread, but I just decided 'to hell with it, this is how I really feel' and post it anyways.

I'm confident that my hair loss is something that I will come to terms with, and despite what it may sound like for those of you who were gracious enough to read my entire post, I have been making strides towards acceptance for years, this is just sort of a set back. I think we all have those moments of anger, frustration, and depression, at least in the earlier stages, and that's kind of where I'm at.

In reference to my girlfriend, she was very excited to see my new "haircut", when she saw it, her response was underwhelming. She looked at it and said "I liked it better last time" (as in last time I had my hair cut short, which was quite some time ago, and before my hairline had receded so badly). I pointed this out to her, and actually got a little bit mad at her for not liking it more, since her encouragement was a lot of why I worked up the courage to do it, so it felt a little bit like she hung me out to dry! She later made a lot of positive comments, saying that it instantly made me look more jacked, and that it accentuated my body. She likes rubbing my head, and I do genuinely think she likes it. I really hit the jackpot when finding a girlfriend, because I seem to have found one of the good ones who is very attractive, and yet very okay with my hair loss. To her, it seems to be a non issue, and she has stated on more than one occasion that she really doesn't care how much hair I have on my head, as long as I stay in shape, and keep some stubble, that's the look she digs anyways!

I don't overlook that, and I know I'm very fortunate to have someone like her.

Unfortunately I have to deal with a whole world of people out there, who are not all as accepting as my girlfriend. I have a lot of coping skills to develop, a lot of humility to gain, and a long road in front of me. The only way past it is through it, and I'm ready to rock. Cheers to baldness.

Hmmmm! I have a very strong impression that you do have the right attitude, the only thing you need is affirmations. So, I am sure you have found the right community :}}}}}}}}

[SCjay]

Im pretty much in the same boat with you Buckeye except Im only 21 and Im past the short stubble phase. I have to shave against the grain already and Im still trying to get used to the look. I believe its worse for us in a college setting who have to be around 99% of people who still have all their hair. I always wear a hat when I go out because I just feel really insecure without a hat and it sucks because I know people can sense that.

I have a month back home to get over this bald head issue and grab it by the horns before I go back to school. The only thing I have come up with is to get buff and try to get a little more tan on my head if thats possible in December. It just seems that the bald guys girls usually go for are darker and buff. I just feel as if I need to do those things to look at myself in the mirror and see a new me, which in turn would give me a new found confidence. Right now when I look in the mirror I see the same old me, just with a bald head.

Another thing that makes this extremely hard for me is the fact that right before/around the time I decided to go fully sly, I found out a girl Ive liked since freshman year(senior now) now liked me. We still talk a good bit via text but when we get around each other I cant help but to think she remembers me when I had hair and I just get really self conscious and cant be myself. I really need to get over this soon or else shes just gonna move on.

[Razor X]

I believe its worse for us in a college setting who have to be around 99% of people who still have all their hair. I always wear a hat when I go out because I just feel really insecure without a hat and it sucks because I know people can sense that.

On the contrary, I can't think of a less judgmental environment that a college campus when it comes to personal appearance.  And you'd be surprised if you knew how many people don't have a clue as to how much hair you do or don't have.  I get asked fairly frequently how much hair I'd have if I didn't shave, even though I think it's pretty obvious that I wouldn't have very much .  At your age, a lot of people will assume it's just a haircut choice.  Others will assume that you've started to lose your hair, but they really won't know how much.

Just relax and embrace the new you.  Be grateful that you're not living in a time when you'd have no choice but to sport a horseshoe -- that really would suck.  But personally, I think it would be pretty cool to be a college student with a shaved head.  Stop wearing hats -- force yourself to go out in public without one.  Do that a few times and it gets a lot easier.  Act with confidence and before you know it, you will feel confident.  Stop letting it rule your life and enjoy the whole college experience while you can.

[Laser Man]

Another thing that makes this extremely hard for me is the fact that right before/around the time I decided to go fully sly, I found out a girl Ive liked since freshman year(senior now) now liked me. We still talk a good bit via text but when we get around each other I cant help but to think she remembers me when I had hair and I just get really self conscious and cant be myself. I really need to get over this soon or else shes just gonna move on.

You might find out that this girl really likes the sly look - many women find it very sexy and attractive.

Remember, if you shave your head and don't like it, your hair will grow back pretty quickly.  In my way of thinking, you really aren't taking a big risk.

[Slynito]

You may be to critical of your self and perhaps not giving your g/f chance to like it.

[Kres7787]

Hey mate,

Well didn't I come to the right place! Don't want to sound overly enthusiastic on top of the subject, but I've passed the same road you're passing now. While we can still meet each other on it, as I'm still not at the goal. I'm mostly mentaly over my hair loss, but iut's still there bugging me, though I'm trying to make the best I can of it. I'm also thin (74KG) and tall (184cm) and when shaved bald I tend to look like I should be arrested. I'm also pale. I also tried getting buffed but it's really overly difficult to get 2KG and keep it for a month. So I just try to work out (swimming) and do best with what I got.

Can't really find perfect words of comfort because I don't know them yet. But, have you tried with beard? Those few hairs on the beard made me feel more comfortable. That's a fact.

But as somebody said (Dr Phil sheh), you wouldn't think of what people think of you if you knew how rarely they do. That doesn't help does it? A bit.

PM me your chat username and I'll be happy to talk with you. We can cry together over the net hehe. Seriously you have the SAME problems as I do. Same rotten path! God help us. I'm kidding, we'll be fine!  

[EDIT] Yes and I read it all. I believe that most of people will read what you said. You sound sharp minded and quite eloquent. Just got a problem to deal with.

[EDIT2] Right, sorry I was typing this at 6AM, I see you wrote about beard. Beard is one thing we'll all certainly develop and is a good way to put some hair around the face.